KERRY WINS: We'll bet they're having fun with that over at the White House - "Sir, Kerry has won the top prize...", watching George reach for the bedside bottle of pretzels before revealing that it's Kerry McChipshop who has beaten off all comers to take the I'm A Celebrity crown this time round. One in the eye for those of us who predicted that she'd never be able to make it to the end of any series without getting cancelled, I suppose, and a pleasing tale of the victory of genuine breasts over a pair of plastic tits. And it's not just Peter Andre and John Lydon that she defeated, either, Jordan was apparently in the programme at some point, too. So, it's hairnets off to Kerry, Chipshop queen of the jungle:



In the course of her time under Granada's big tarpaulin in the woods, Kerry has revealed she once got a bit upset and locked herself in the toilets ("hand a nervous breakdown") and that she once sold her parrot "to buy tampons" - she seemed to think this story showed how poor she was; to us it makes us wonder why she didn't have a mate she could have borrowed a couple off of. She claimed that she fancies Jordan, which is almost the same as staring into a rather shallow pool and falling in love, and decided to give up smoking because she didn't eat enough bugs or something. Nobody can't say she didn't really earn her large fe... um, cash that will go to her favourite charity.

If there's anyone with any sense at whoever handles the McCain HomeFries account, they'll be waiting for her when she returns to Britain with a large contract to do a timely "Now you can have your chips at home" TV spot.