AMERICA: A NATION IN MOURNING: Americans are waking up today to the sad news that Jennifer Lopez has got married to Marc Anthony. It was all meant to be a secret, but the news somehow leaked out to US Weekly:

"She didn't hardly tell anyone. Everyone was surprised," another unidentified friend told the magazine.

If J-Lo (sorry, J-Ant) wants to track down who blabbed, we suggest she starts by going through the guest list to compile a shortlist of those from the South, then.

This is the new Mr. Lopez:



So, at least he'll be able to give up those demeaning beauty pagents now. Lopez has yet to stay married for more than eighteen months, so we're guessing we'll be looking at the next wedding sometime round Spring of 2006. Start positioning yourself now, boys.