STIPE SPOOKS MACLAINE: We hope that Michael Stipe hasn't really taken it to heart that when he told Shirley MacLaine that he'd had a dream about her she called securityShirley MacLaine that he'd had a dream about her she called security: he might have thought he was telling her an amusing anecdote, but we think Shirley MacLaine lives in a permanent world a bit like that Far Side cartoon 'what people hear/what dogs hear' - he should be relieved that she wasn't holding a potato peeler.

Meanwhile, Michael has been talking about his sexuality. Possibly in more detail than you would want:

"I was first attracted to men actively when I was 13.

We're not quite sure what the difference between being attracted to men, being attracted to men actively and doing it with boys actually is, although we suspect it might be the length of time your parents will ground you for.

"I kind of had my first sexual awakening much earlier, with a brother/sister team with red hair in a bathtub on Easter Sunday. It was fairly innocent, but it was really fun and I never looked back. I still have a thing for redheads and freckles."

Hearing this, someone in the corner of the room started trying to shake off his current date: