THOSE WHO FORGET THE LESSONS OF HISTORY ARE DOOMED TO SIGN SHARON OSBOURNE UP FOR A CHATSHOW

We can scarcely believe that there are people at ITV Network Centre who have decided that the best way to replace Paul O'Grady is by hiring Sharon Osbourne to present a chatshow.

Yet there are such people, and they're talking about figures of two million quid to get her in the teatime slot.

Did they not think to spend a few minutes on the phone getting hold of copies of her US chatshow? Did nobody stand up and say "how come - even in the low-standard parade of daytime chatshows on the smaller US networks - did her chatshow not get a second season?"

Apparently not; instead, they attempted to prepare for her new show with phrases like:

An insider said: "The signing is an amazing coup for ITV. The public love Sharon. She's bold, bubbly, honest and genuine. She'll be the perfect chat show host."

No she's not, and if she was... wouldn't she still be doing the job in America?

Where has this idea come from that "the public love Sharon"? They'll tune in to watch her being horrible - horrible to Ozzy and her kids; horrible to the misevolved who slouch through the X-Factor; horrible to Simon Cowell and the other one (Humphrey Cushion?) who co-judge that programme. They don't like her, and confusing the public's desire to stare at something horrific with the public actually loving someone is the same mistake that Asda made when they hired her for the commercial series that they couldn't drop fast enough.

People slow down to look at car crashes. ITV's logic would suggest a gameshow in which members of the public attempt to steer their vehicles through an oil tanker fire on an icerig would be popular for the post-CITV slot.

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