Misery perpetuates misery

You can understand - almost - Olivier Martinez being a bit worried about not wanting to be seen dumping "braveKylie", although if he's really afraid about the effect of him saying "it's over", does that make his apparent strategy of trying to generate tabloid coverage suggesting he's hopping away all over the place with all and sundry in a bid to get dumped really a much more holistic approach?

Dumping your lover by text message seemed to be the lowest thing you could do, but hoping to engineer your lover into dumping you via tabloid reports would surely by lower - dumping by ambient advertising, almost.

In fact, it's likely that Ollie will try that next, paying people to sit behind Kylie on the bus whispering just-loud-enough-to-be-heard about how terrible that French bloke is.

For her part, Kylie appears not to be biting. At least, that's what this totally unnamed and unverifiable "insider" reckons:

The insider added, "She can't bear the thought of breaking up with Ollie. She has been as unswerving and driven about their relationship as she has about her career - failure is not an option. She was planning the wedding dress before he even proposed. She wants the family, but the clock is ticking. She cannot cope with the idea of starting all over again."

If I was George Constanza - and there are some mornings, believe me, when I have to remind myself I'm not - we'd be advising Ollie to try to end it by drafting in Dannii. ('I don't know the exact pronunciation, but I believe it's "menage a trois"...')