Taking the Mika

They say revenge is a dish best served cold - but then they also say that you shouldn't take your vest off before the end of May and that would just make you stink. Mika, though, is up for a spot of revenge, having once been knocked back by Simon Cowell:

"I had a meeting with Simon a few years back. He said my songs weren't very good and I wasn't a songwriter.

"Then I spotted a gold disc for the Teletubbies single to the left of him and thought, 'This is possibly not the man for me'."

Some might say the bright, empty Teletubbies song isn't a million miles from Grace Kelly - and if we remember correctly, wasn't the official response to the huge "Is Tinky-Winky gay" story a refusal to even countenance talking about the Teletubbies' sexuality?