What a pity nobody will ever hear it

Lee Ryan seems to be so desperate to keep some sort of profile since he went to California that he's taken to ringing up the Sunday Mirror's Zoe column to give updates on his new life.

We'd assumed that, like most unskilled immigrants in Los Angeles, he'd be working in cleansing or perhaps harvesting fruit, but apparently he's making some sort of record:

"It's Steve Tyler from Aerosmith meets R&B crooner Michael McDonald - live instruments but no artifical beats."

Zoe reckons this is his second solo album; presumably the first one didn't sound so godawful as he's making number two sound, otherwise he'd never be allowed near a studio again.

Sadly, Ryan was called back to mop up a mess in aisle four before he was able to fill us in on where he stood on the Virginia Tech shootings compared with elephants dying.