Newton helps out Spears

We do wonder if anyone who got that email from Rebekah Wade complaining about the Sun missing out on the Doherty story was tempted to hit reply to point out the irony in being bollocked for not getting a "brilliant story" by a woman who has been filling the front page of the paper with endless guff about sharks (Exclusive: Shark spotted in the sea; Exclusive: Another shark spotted in the sea; 4AM Special Edition... oh, hold on, that's just a dolphin).

Still, has the tart warning from on high persuaded the Bizarre team to raise their game?

Erm... not really. Today, Victoria and her gang return to the Britney blanks Posh story, which was a slight throwaway thing yesterday. Today, they approach the subject with the satire filer enabled:

I’ve come up with a guide highlighting Posh’s key points, which may just help Britney asking: “Oops, Who Is It Again?”

Yes, the satire filter's in, it's just back to front:

CHANEL SUNGLASSES: They hide all manner of sins, says Mrs Beckham (try them!).

Do you get it? There's more - much more - of this stuff.