Gordon in the morning: Sven watches TV

Let's take a moment to praise Gordon this morning: most people would have an unsourced quote from someone supposedly related to Man City that Sven had muttered something nice when Alesha Dixon had come on the television and thought "well, that might make a small piece if there's a tiny gap on the page when we come up to deadline".

Not Gordon, though: he's built his entire page around the remark:

The snake-hipped shagger from Sweden has set his roving eyes on Strictly Come Dancing champ ALESHA DIXON.

And when Sven wants a woman, he normally gets her.

All he said, apparently, was:

"how impressed he was by her dancing and that she was definitely his type."

From this, Gordon "bets" that Sven has "studied [Alesha's] form in detail" and makes a grisly suggestion that Dixon is like some sort of Frankenstein-cum-blender amalgam of women Sven has had relationships with.

If this is enough to lead the page, everyone should be on their guide. Tell someone you think Kate Nash has a nice smile, and Gordon will deliver 300 words speculating that you've been stalking her.