Gordon in the morning: Watched telly. Got up.

In common with other papers, Gordon Smart has got very excited about the Williams story, turning the top story over to something he's read on the internet. The rest of Bizarre this morning is fairly typical: there's something from another part of the paper about Cowell telling Britney to go home to her mother; a story which seems to be "I saw Alesha Dixon on the television" and a photo of Rhydian off the X Factor, which is borderline bullying:

ALABASTER X Factor flop RHYDIAN ROBERTS – or, as I like to call him, ROBOKNOB – beamed down to make his first public appearance, eight days into his Mexican getaway.

Earthlings appeared terrified upon seeing the excessively muscled albino pop oddball clasping a rugby ball.

Why would you call someone Roboknob because they've got pale skin? Why would being albinoesque make you a robot? Am I missing something?