How can we hate each other? We're wearing PVC trousers

Friendship, so the song claims, never ends. So, if we're to believe the Daily Mail - difficult words, I understand, but stick with me - everything is fine between the five disparate characters who make up The Spice Girls.

How do we know this?

The Spice Girls have put on their raunchiest show ever in a bid to convince fans they are as close as ever.

Now, since the costumes and the men-on-chains dance routines have been present throughout the show's run, you might think this is just an excuse by the Mail to publish some pictures of Mel C wearing PVC trousers. But, no, it really was the raunchiest show ever, by some distance:

Scary Spice Melanie Brown roused the audience when she groped Victoria Beckham's surgically-enhanced breasts.

Okay. By precisely that distance.

By the way, does anyone know what schools the Mail's writers went to? Only they seemsto have been a bit more, well, liberal, than mine:

Keeping to her schoolgirl style, Baby Spice Emma Bunton wore a laced-up PVC mini-dress.

You know what sucks, though: when you're a parent on a tight budget and your kids' school insists you buy the laced-up PVC mini-dress from a designated uniform supplier.

Suprisingly, the Mail also resurrects the story about the band supposedly getting tattoos, only this time it's Victoria rather than Mel C who was supposed to be the prime mover. In this version of the tale, Beckham turned up at a tattoo parlour only to wait... and wait... and wait.... Because, of course, if you're going to have ink put into your skin as a group bonding thing, you'd all set out individually.