In the end, he wins a fast-evaporating career

Desperate to squeeze every ounce of coin from the Britain's Got Talent And Yet Somehow Feels Piers Morgan To Be The Arbiter Of It franchise, Simon Cowell is trying to talk up interest in a movie about Paul Potts:

The music mogul was contacted by bosses at Hollywood's Paramount Pictures suggesting the idea. "This company got that it's another Billy Elliot, a story anyone in the world can understand," said Simon.

Well, yes: it's a story anyone in the world can understand because it's so bloody simple. Man enters contest. Will he win, although naturally he will because otherwise they wouldn't have made a movie about him, would they?

Does Cowell really think is Billy Elliott II? Does this man with the supposed ability to stimulate the entertainment g-spot of the two nations really have trouble telling the difference between 'cute boy dances against the odds' and 'slightly tubby bloke sings opera and wins TV gameshow'?

But then, what would we know? We thought that 'Bob's Full House: The Movie' would be a disaster until we saw the CGI used when it was time to mix the six.