Gordon in the morning: People get drunk

Once again, the story judged most important for the Gordon column in the Sun proper - that Lily Allen has got drunk and is guesting on the new Kaiser Chiefs album - has been shunted aside to make room for less interesting stories on the online version. Namely that that Nereida Gallardo woman is wearing a ring, Wayne Rooney had a lot to drink and Mel B pushing push-up bras.

The Allen-Chiefs story is quite fascinating - with Mark Ronson also on board, this new Kaisers album is either going to be a zeitgeist-summarising document of our age, or else like some sort of end-of-the-pier package of medium-talents propping each other up.

Nereida's ring is, supposedly, important:

SOCCER star CRISTIANO RONALDO’s stunning girlfriend NEREIDA GALLARDO flashes off a diamond ring on her engagement finger fuelling rumours they are about to wed.

By "engagement finger" we think Gordon means ring finger. Rather than implying she's got six fingers with an extra 'engagement' one. We can't explain what he means by "flashing off" a ring, though.

Mel B flogging bras is, suggests Gordon,

her perfect calling in life.

Which is funny, because this job - hanging about at bra advertising launches and writing about the Spice Girls like it's 1999 is Gordon's perfect calling, too.

Everyone's happy. Well, apart from the people who have to read an extended advert dressed up as a news story.