Hands turns EMI round. Sort of.

Lots of back slapping and no champagne corks popping as EMI manages to make a profit in the three months to the end of June.

Guy Hands - one of the men who, in another role, put money into the movie Nine Dead Gay Guys - has been trumpeting his success:

Earnings before interest, tax, depreciation and amortisation were £59.2m, compared with a loss of £45.1m in the same quarter in 2007.

Mr Hands told staff: "The bulk of the dramatic improvement in our performance was down to the transformation we have been carrying through in the way we work."

Yes. That'll be it, Mr. Hands. And nothing whatsoever to do with the smart timing of the Coldplay release so the massive sales came just before the close-off of this period's sale figures, then.

Meanwhile: Albarn and Hewlett have turned their backs on Damon's long-time EMI home to offer Monkey: Journey To The West to XL recordings instead. Gossips suggest that Albarn is less-than-thrilled with the Hands regime.