Noel takes on the knife squads

Just as you thought knife crime and young people bleeding to death couldn't get any more depressing, it's woken up Noel Gallagher's political compass. Apparently forgetting his enthusiastic embrace of Tony Blair and the New Labour Project, Gallagher instead plumps for the simplisitic 'it wasn't like this in my day':

"In my day, status was trying to be somebody, do you know what I mean, not trying to kill somebody?"

We're not quite sure what happened to this unwavering focus on achievement when Noel and Liam were fighting, or the Oasis party was getting thrown into the cells in Munich after bar-room brawls; perhaps we're just meant to applaud them for using fists?

Still, given that there weren't any of that violence in Noel's day - we especially remember how peaceful Moss Side was back in the late 1980s - what could be the cause?

"People say it's through violent video games and I guess that's got something to do with it."

Yes, that's it Noel. Young people are arming themselves with knives because they're afraid they're going to be attacked by Super Mario. Computer games... give us strength... half... oh... Nintendogs, nintendogs...