Gordon in the morning: Because Gordon is an oil painting

The idea that Georgia May is going to be hanging around being written about, simply because three decades ago her dad was making interesting music isn't one that brings any pleasure. She doesn't deserve the way Smart's writing about her this morning, though:

Georgia's a bit Mick and teef

I just wonder if Austin Powersslipped round to JERRY HALL's when ROLLING STONES star Mick was on tour, because her gnashers have a hint of the international man of mystery about them.

Apart from being just a gratuitous and cruel attack on someone's looks for no other reason than to fill an aching gap in the newspaper, it doesn't even make any sense. I mean... he does know that Austin Powers was a made-up person? And that the teeth were plastic?

It's the second time in a fortnight that Smart has written about Jagger - last time, apparently he managed to not notice the teeth. That time he was obsessed by how 'short' she is:

T'S unusual for a 5ft 7in girl to make it big in the model world.

Kate Moss is five foot six and a half.