Gordon in the morning: What rhymes with "biological clock"?

I understand that Information Is Beautiful is currently preparing a graph showing the diminishing marginal joy in everything Lily Allen does, and in the Bridget Jones franchise. And at the point where the two graphs cross will sit Lily Allen writing the Bridget Jones musical.

The idea is so horrible, you can't even blame Gordon Smart for this:

With about 11 more to write, she'd better get a wriggle on - surely there will be one about massive pants?

When even Gordon is pre-processing the clunkingly inevitable with a grim look on his face, surely the idea should be being booked its one-way ticket to Switzerland?