Gordon in the morning: I bet you look good on the dancefloor

Nothing is an indicator that gravity's tractor beam has got your career firmly locked in its pull than calls from the reality TV researchers, like buzzards sniffing trouble and hoping to get you while there's still some fresh flesh to feast on.

Still, Noel Gallagher is trying to put a brave face on the call from Strictly:

Last night High Flying Birds frontman Noel said: “I’m flattered. I’d have done it an’ all as I’ve recently mastered the sticky task of c***** while dancing.

“Sadly though, I’m a bit busy. Maybe next time... ”

Very wise to not slam the phone down too quickly, Noel. The next offer will be bug-eating in the jungles...