Coachella ban almost everything

This, from Dazed And Confused, is the list of things banned at Coachella.

D&C have fun with idea of banning selfie sticks and, more specifically, narcissists - after all, coachella without narcissists would be like premiership football without nasty replica shirts; most of the audience would be excluded.

But some of the other bans are equally ridiculous - no marker pens? A ban on "outside food" for a festival where you camp?

There's also a list of approved items, which is probably even more infuriating:

It's not entirely clear how Coachella square banning video cameras while letting in digital cameras and cellphones. And no laser pointers, but feel free to bring in lighters because fire never hurt anyone, right?

I'm hoping that there's going to be some sort of expert on hand to be able to judge whether a collapsable item is an umbrella (and thus, forbidden) or a parasol.

The presence of "dancing shoes" and "smiles" there is probably the worst bit of it all - "hey, guys, we're being a bit heavy here but, yeah, we can still have fun if you bring your dancing shoes and big smiles. Not too big, though. If you're grinning in a freaky way, we'll have to search you for drugs and/or drug paraphanalia."