No Rock And Roll Fun

Now, that's what we call a chart battle

2008-05-16T13:12:00.003Z

Squaring up in the download booths and Asda CD racks: The Ting Tings, number one in the midweeks, and Madonna, whose single The Candyman Can is apparently still selling strongly enough to threaten to take back the honours.

Quick mention: The Ting Tings were on Janice Long's Radio 2 show this Tuesday just gone - and thus you can still enjoy their acoustic session through the magic of Listen Again.

Whitesnake deny Led Zep claims

2008-05-16T13:09:00.002Z

David Coverdale is furiously denying he ever said anything about Whitesnake supporting Led Zeppelin and, you know, that the band are far too busy to have even considered joining such a tour:

"What fucking world tour, we ask ourselves? We're already out on our Good To Be Bad world tour, thank you very much," he wrote.

"I have no idea where this started, Geoffers. But, with the wildfire of the internet, my poor ol' German publicist is fighting them off with her rusty, but trusty, Luger.

"I assure you there is no… (of course there fucking isn't) …any foundation in this.”

The whole world, David, knew that it wasn't true. The question, of course, is who said it was in the first place.

Credit crunch claims new victims

2008-05-16T12:52:00.002Z

Hah- you think you've had it hard, what with your house being repossessed, your job vanishing and your children being handed to the Inland Revenue in something to do with the 10p tax rate that you didn't quite catch.

Think again.

Duran Duran are really suffering. They'd lined up a job playing to senior executives from Deutsche Bank for an easy half-a-million pounds, only now that someone's found out the entire world banking system was based on a mortgage on a single trailer-park home in the middle of Texas and that's only worth half what it should be because it's going an unshakeable smell of wet dog in the bedroom, the bank have decided not to go ahead.

Duran have got the hump. Apparently. They're supposed to have re-routed their entire world tour in order to play the gig and everything. We've been trying to work up some sort of sympathy for the thought of people who were so willing to effectively dance as rich men threw coins, but we're finding it difficult.

Instead, here's Cate LeBon, doing Shoeing The Bones, on the grounds that she's got the same surname as Simon LeBon, but is more fun to listen to.

Stipe is haunted by Kurt

2008-05-16T12:49:00.002Z

Michael Stipe has trouble shaking off the blues when he tries to listen to Nirvana records:

"He had reached a point where he was about to push through to something that was so phenomenal and so beautiful.

"It was all written, it was all right there and it was so obvious where he was going, and then he didn’t make it.

"I still have trouble - I can’t listen to an entire Nirvana record."

Similarly, these days most people have trouble making it all the way through an REM album.

Perhaps he's got some special floaty shoes

2008-05-16T12:44:00.002Z

Mike Skinner has set himself a tricky challenge, according to NME:

The Streets' Mike Skinner has announced his intention to walk from Britain to the south of France.

Perhaps he's just very good at holding his breath.

Gordon in the morning: Down and out with Paris and someone

2008-05-16T07:55:00.002Z

Gordon gloats this morning that his good buddy Victoria Beckham out-performed Paris Hilton:

AHHH diddums! Poor PARIS HILTON was baffled by a lack of snappers waiting for her at London’s Dorchester hotel yesterday.

Every man and his dog had gone to see VICTORIA BECKHAM launch her new denim range at Harrods.

Really, Gordon?

Or was it because the paparazzi had got all the photos they wanted at the Selfridges launch of her Paris' new perfume? The Evening Standard certainly saw things differently:

Paris Hilton upstages Posh..as she stops traffic in London's busiest street for her fragrance launch

Still, let's give Beckham her moment in the - ahem - sun. She's kind of like Janice Battersby now, heavily involved in making unconvincing clothes. Or, as she puts it:

“I’m getting a chance from really cool, credible people in a cool career. If you work really hard it happens.”

Harrods? Cool? Credible? Not unless you're selling there in 1974. It's mostly overpriced tourist tat these days, sold in a brand which has been flawed by its nasty little airport shops.

Still, it's probably not important that the piece is a bit idiotic - these days, Gordon's little more than a newsagent offering softcore jazz mags. Today, it's Agyness Dean's tits that are hung on a "story" which seems to be little more than "here is a photo of Agyness Dean's tits.

Jammie Thomas may get another day in court

2008-05-16T07:30:00.003Z

The RIAA won the first file-sharing case that went to court - but now the judge involved is suggesting it might need to fight the case all over.

Jammie Thomas was convicted quite quickly - in law, she didn't have much reasonable doubt to call on - but even so, she might get another chance. Judge Michael Davis has admitted he wrongly told the jury that copyright infringement happened when the track was uploaded to networks; he's since realised it doesn't happen until the track is downloaded by someone else.

But, warns Wired:

One of the cases Judge Davis cited in his order Thursday is also something of a double-edged sword for the defense. In that April decision, Atlantic v. Howell, an Arizona judge said that merely making a copyrighted work available for downloading wasn't infringement. But the judge also held that the RIAA's own investigators can effectively turn it into an infringement just by downloading a copy from the share folder involved.

Can it, though? If the RIAA represents the copyright holders, how can they illegally download a copy of the copyrighted material? And what sort of law is it where the police can turn a suspect into a criminal by the act of observation? (Oh - sort of like when the pretty policemen go into toilets to solicit gay sex.)

They call them virals because you feel a bit queasy and probably shouldn't pass them on

2008-05-16T06:59:00.004Z

We do like the XFM Scotland video for 'what happens when a song is played on XFM', but to be honest, it's because of the soundtrack - Black Kids I'm Not Going To Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You, which could make a reel of footage from a tax office look like the greatest place in the world to be.

The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice the red 'on-air' light isn't on in the studio. It would have been cooler if they'd done it while the song was really playing.

Of course, if GCap had its way, when music is played on XFM Scotland, this is what would be happening in Scotland, while the track plays out from London:

Leave Amy alone, says "family member" again

2008-05-16T06:52:00.002Z

If Sue - who called up Five Live and asked that the media leave Amy Winehouse alone - claims to be a family member, then we should take her at her word.

But if you want the press to stop talking about Winehouse, wouldn't it make more sense to have a word with Mitch Winehouse - who appears in the tabloids talking about her on a regular basis - rather than the Five Live audience? Or, perhaps, suggesting to Amy that she at least tries to stop wandering down public streets apparently smoking weed?

Whitehall Tax Disaster 2008

2008-05-16T06:34:00.002Z

It stretched credibility when Gordon Brown claimed he woke up to the Arctic Monkeys. But not so much as the claim that Gordon Brown listens to the Bee Gees every day.

Mind you, we've only got a Bee Gee's word for that anyway:

“He listens to our music every day,” Robin Gibb tells The Times today. “He said, ‘Your music is absolutely timeless’. Gordon likes our music and I like Gordon.” Gibb, 58, in whose Miami home Tony Blair stayed last summer, said that Mr Brown liked the songs — which include Stayin’ Alive, Tragedy and How Deep Is Your Love? — “because they talk about human relationships and human experience, and reach out across the decades”.

Expect lame gags about the Prime Minister "Staying Alive" and facing a "Tragedy" and trying to find out how deep the electorate's love is and so on to be getting knocked out in Tory Central command's senior common room within the hour.

Of course, the idea that Brown likes songs about human relationships makes it all sound unlikely - perhaps Robin has re-recorded the songs to feature fewer lines about love and a bit more about the accelerator theory and non-endogenous growth.

Dennys, champions of the world

2008-05-15T21:42:00.004Z

US pancakes and burger chain Dennys are throwing their slightly-over-normal weight behind small bands, with an initiative called the Dennys All Nighter. This allows webusers to vote for a band from a list of six to receive all the food they can eat, while out on tour, providing they eat at Dennys.

Meanwhile, we're given to understand that several bands are running a campaign designed to help out Village Inn by voting to eat at any remaining branches of that chain while they're out on tour.

Back at Denny's, they chain have also invited Taking Back Sunday to create a signature dish. Considering that the last time we were in a Dennys, their one concession to pop culture was a small photo of Elvis and a 45 nailed to the wall, this is quite a leap forward. Although we're not sure we'd want to eat in a place that lets Taking Back Sunday into its kitchens.

We've had a Taco Bell gig, now Dennys feeding touring bands: Perkins, we're waiting.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet

2008-05-15T12:55:00.003Z

There's an evocative end-of-an-era photo-essay on the Creative Review website. Spencer Murphy trails round Soho's independent record shops, recording the last gasps of a corner of culture:

“Actaully another thing happened a couple of months ago,” adds Augur. “You know the bottom of Berwick Street, opposite Somerfields? That bottom corner has been demolished. It’s gone. We’ve got some photographs of that building but it’s completely gone now. So while the project’s about six years late, it’s incredible to think that since we took the shots, two of the shops have gone and the bottom of Berwick Street has disappeared. I’m really glad I finally got round to doing the project.”

Razorlighter struggles with concept of 'solo'

2008-05-15T12:48:00.003Z

Good lord, so much control does Johnny Borrell exert over his minions that even when one breaks out of His Magnificence's shadow to do a solo show, Borrell puts in an appearance. It must be like trying to shake off the unpopular kid in school when we - sorry, they - attached themselves to you.

Alex Turner, we salute you

2008-05-15T12:29:00.002Z

Can you still nominate people for OBEs and so on? Only, surely, Alex Turner deserves one for his brave attempts to save us all from the Kooks. Luke Pritchard reveals all:

"We've had a weird relationship with the Arctics since we first met. I had to kick Alex in the face because he was trying to pull the leads out of my guitar pedals while we were on stage."

Next time, we're sending Alex Turner out with wirecutters.

RIAA big fans of Limewire

2008-05-15T12:18:00.003Z

Who's that on the Limewire network there, then? Could it be the RIAA? An RIAA rep who wanted to remain anonymous for fear of nasty emails (from the music industry or fans, it's not clear) has admitted that the RIAA is busy on Limewire, tracking what's going on.

The rep claims that they don't download tracks, just "check the watermark", but surely they'd have to listen to at least bit of the file to make sure, wouldn't they? And if the RIAA are downloading even a portion of a supposed illegal file, what would the legal position on that actually be?

Other music blogs are available

2008-05-15T12:11:00.002Z

A quick mention for new-one-on-us My Chemcial Toilet, which does music news with a snarky undertone. Well worth a look.

But come back afterwards, alright?

Noel accepts Robbie's cast-offs

2008-05-15T08:25:00.001Z

So this, then, is where all that feuding gets you in the end: Oasis reduced to poaching Robbie Williams' drummer to make up the numbers.

Chris Sharrock, congratulations - if that's the word - on your new job.

Morrissey owns this town

2008-05-15T07:40:00.002Z

The eye-opening thing about the story which saw Conor McNicholas being made to move hotels when he found himself booked in to the same one as Morrissey is not the NME's "well, he got a better room out of it anyway" response, but the cheerful admission by Morrissey's team how niggling and pathetic their man is:

Merck Mercuriadis, Morrissey's spokesperson, says, "I have a very good relationship with the hotel, and when I explained the situation they agreed it would not be appropriate for Conor to stay."

Now, we can understand that, perhaps, Mozzer might not want to swan into the breakfast room and see Conor shoving his Wheaties into his mouth. But having him ejected is the work of a small man - the appropriate behaviour is to move yourself.

Love dumps Perry

2008-05-15T07:35:00.003Z

Not that she's desperately casting round in a bid to try and make something, anything, saleable or anything, but Courtney Love has scrapped the entire album's worth of work she's done with Linda Perry out of Four Non-Blondes in order to work instead with...

... sorry, this appears to say Micko Larkin out of Larrikin Love. Surely that can't be right?

Gnarls Barkley's connection drops; hangs up on Vodaphone

2008-05-15T07:31:00.003Z

If we're to believe the Daily Star, disappointing album sales have led to Gnarls Barkley dropping their Vodaphone TBA gig in Edinburgh in order to, erm, go out and promote the new album.

Mystery illness

2008-05-15T07:01:00.000Z

The Mystery Jets have suspended their tour due to that old standby, "illness". The dates will be reorganised.

Gordon in the morning: Journalism

2008-05-15T06:41:00.002Z

We're sure that - once his hands were both free - Gordon Smart punched the air as he took delivery of topless pictures of Lily Allen. He even created a new euphemism for the occasion:

Lily got something off her chest and peeled off her shirt to reveal a couple of chart-toppers.

Meanwhile, Gordon has been carrying out a poll. An online poll. He publishes the results without any warning that the respondents were self-selecting and, therefore, not scientifially accurate. But it might not matter:

2 out of 3 men fancy Posh Vic

He has done a pie chart, though.

Everclear heading for Git-Mo

2008-05-14T22:50:00.003Z

Even though we can be harsh in our judgements, when we heard that Everclear were going to Guantanamo Bay, we thought that was overdoing it a little.

It turns out, though, they're playing a gig for the US troops there:

“These two (shows) are important to the band,” said frontman Art Alexakis.

“There are folks in uniform all over the world, and at home, looking out for us -- and to play for them is an honour. Not a bad way to spend the holiday weekends.”

Yes. Poor old troops down in Gitmo, eh? Obviously, it's not quite as bad as being held there without charge, without any indication of how long you'll be there, and without any actual basis in law to your detention.

Some of those being held at the prison were herded into confined spaces and made to listen to very bad rock music played very loud. At least after the Everclear gig, the audience might have some understanding of what that feels like.

Madonna on parenting

2008-05-14T22:34:00.002Z

Madonna - not that anyone asked her - seems to be blaming Britney's parents for the mess she's in now:

"She didn't get to grow up and make mistakes privately and try things out and just be a kid and be innocent. She's been watched, judged and been under a microscope since she's been a teenager. It's hard to evolve that way."

Had she not been being watched, Britney might have evolved differently - gills, perhaps, or the ability to provide clunking monologues to the opening of TV programmes.

But what of Madonna's own parenting skills? Her kids, it seems, wish she didn't work so hard:

She said they actually protest her rigid work schedule. "[They say,] 'When are you coming home?' 'Why are you always working?' 'Why can't you just be like a normal mom?' " Madonna said. "I just remind them about all the things that they have, and that if I didn't do what I did, they wouldn't have those things."

Curious. For all her yakking on about spirituality, it turns out Madonna's answer when the kids say 'why don't you come home?' is 'I'm out getting money'.

What the pop papers say: Week two of the bravest new world

2008-05-14T22:19:00.004Z

Let's cut Conor some slack, shall we? Okay, last week his vision of a post-boy guitar band NME would have been scuppered by the Coldplay exclusive.

This week, of course, was the chance to show what a magazine turning away from the lads' bands would look like. Indeed, heavily trailed in last week's edition was what we should expect this week: Scarlett Johansson. Should be fascinating - a chance to try and get to grips with her surprising album, to see Hollywood royalty being up-front about their attempts to try and turn themselves into a left-field pop act. There are many questions to be asked. Much to be said. And at least it's not one of those bloody guitar-blokes we see so much of.

But what's this as the magazine falls to the floor? Big picture of Pete Doherty on the cover, under a white stripe promising Noel Gallagher banging on about those Oasis leaks.

Business as bloody usual, in other words. There's even space found for more some pages of Pete's latest prison diary. Where his last book was self-indulgent me-wank, the next one looks to be so half-arsed and so clearly just knocked up to have something to tout around the publishers, it makes those Christmas books that parody Harry Potter novels look like Ulysses.

Still, Conor slaps himself on the back for the "overwhelmingly positive" feedback to the new look magazine, and they're promising Scarlett J again for next week. Holding over such a big scoop to give the cover to Doherty's latest mea culpa seems to be a fatal decision, though.