Monday, February 28, 2005

FRED DURST: ALL MAN, JUST NOT VERY MUCH OF IT: Now, of course, we can't prove that Fred Durst leaked his own sex tape onto the net in a bid to try and carve himself a slice of that ole' Tommy Lee action, but the explanation of how his little thing got out there isn't entirely convincing:

"Somebody that was repairing my computer was smart enough to go through anything he could [and found the movie]. What can I say? I'm not proud of it," the 33-year-old told MTV News late Friday.

Hmmm. So, are we to believe that Fred Durst is the only minor celeb who doesn't have the 'Remember Glitter' post-it note stuck above the 'PC Repair' section of his yellow pages? Still, the difference is that the video that this "repair somebody" has leaked wasn't evidence of criminal wrongdoing, just proof of how cruel nature can be when it leads boys through puberty. (For the last few days, the cry of 'Can't you make the window bigger?' has been going round the world, followed by 'it's not the window that's the problem') Since a PC repairperson who can't be trusted with the contents of someone's computer is like a priest who gossips, we expect Fred to be taking action pretty soon for this awful breach of customer privacy. Don't be shy, Fred, don't let him slink into the anonymity of 'somebody' - you must name and shame him, Fred. What if other people went to use him and had their sex tapes stolen? How would you feel then? If, of course, there is a somebody.

Because Fred had been sending lovey-dovey texts to Paris Hilton (he says this was "years ago"; the dates say, erm, 2004), there had been some speculation that perhaps Fred's mobile phone had been "hacked" just like Paris'... but T-Mobile were quick to deny this:

"Fred Durst is not a T-Mobile subscriber," spokesman Bryan Zidar told "The video in question could not have originated from a Sidekick; the device does not have video capability. The video is also of a resolution not available on a wireless handset."

This might be one of the most surprising corporate statements in PR history:

- The celebrity doesn't use our product
- Because he doesn't use our product, he has been able to avoid the indignity of having his personal data stolen; hey, had he been on T-Mobile it'd be a load more than just his manky cock doing the rounds
- Sidekicks, our big thing, doesn't even do simple video. In this day and age
- The video you do get from our phones is pretty rubbish quality

Apart from saying "Try Cingular instead", that's got to be setting a new benchmark in terms of rubbishing your own product.