Tuesday, June 20, 2006


It's been so bloody long since he's made a record, Justin Timberlake releasing an album seems almost as much of an insult to the beautiful world of pop as Paris Hilton or Kevin Federline. To be honest, he's actually done less for the gaiety of nations recently than Seezer off Big Brother.

But, of course, what you want to know is what does Victoria Newton think about his comeback?

I reckon it’s a cross between MICHAEL JACKSON and PRINCE — very pimped out.

She's not heard it yet.

I RECKON Justin has an open musical goal to score a huge hit.

There’s no other male solo star who can compete, to be honest.

ROBBIE WILLIAMS has gone off the boil a bit recently and he might be cheeky but he’s not always sexy.

Robbie’s Close Encounters world tour kicked off in Dublin with a whimper rather than a bang when a stunt backfired on the opening night.

And his last few singles have limped to disappointing chart positions.

So I’m thrilled Mr Timberlake is now coming back to Britain to shake things up.

So, Victoria's going out on a limb suggesting that a man with a massive record company machine behind him is going to sell quite a few copies of his album.

To take a disinterested view, though, the whole thing sounds like a man trying too hard. The new single is called SexyBack; the album is called FutureSex/LoveSounds. Are you sensing a theme here?

We've always taken the view that someone who has to underline "this is all about sex, ooh, it's so sexy" doesn't really have it - look at R Kelly, or Anne Summers; drawing attention to the supposed sexiness of something is the act of a sniggering virgin.

Getting your record company spokesperson to draw attention to it is the act of a sniggering, shy virgin:

“The new album is all about sexiness. Justin is going for an adult feel — sultry and enigmatic.

“He wants it to be mysterious and raunchy. The tracks are mainly big club tunes with a hip-hop and R&B feel and Justin will launch his single SexyBack with a few exclusive late-night club dates. He will come on stage with a full band in the early hours of the morning.

“It’s all part of a campaign to keep the record sexy.”

For some reason, this is starting to sound very like George Michael in the Fast Love era to us.