Monday, December 24, 2007

Gordon in the morning: Beats as it sweeps as it cleans

Chris Martin out of Coldplay bought three Henry Hoovers in John Lewis the other day.

Yes, it might not seem much, but it's Gordon's big lead today:

IF you are a close pal of CHRIS MARTIN brace yourself for disappointment when you open your pressies tomorrow.


Explaining his buys as he left the homeware section of the department store on London’s Oxford Street on Friday, Chris said: “Some of them are gifts and one’s for me.

“I love to do the housework. I don’t really see the point of getting someone else to do all your day-to-day chores.”

Apart from disappointment, it's also somewhat ruined the surprise, hasn't it? The headline suggests that there's something tight about Martin's gifts:
£30m Martin's presents suck!

But Gordon doesn't know who Martin is buying for - it could be that these are gifts for vague friends-of-friends, for whom a fairly pricey electrical item could be considered almost over-generous. Or it could be an extra gift. Or it could be someone has asked him for a vacuum cleaner. And since when did the value of gift reside in how much it cost?

Gordon has also gone through the cuttings:
Henry is fast becoming the biggest name in the world of celeb vacuuming.

The jolly red appliance, which costs £100, is a favourite of sex-mad comedian RUSSELL BRAND. He used to pleasure himself with a Henry when he was a confused teenager.

Or, at least, he said he did as a joke.

Still, Gordon has other things to fill his page with, such as calling Girls Aloud "tarts", and having a go at the "ginger one".


Anonymous said...

Anyone who attempts to pleasure themselves with a vacuum cleaner of any brand, will probably find themselves requiring rather prompt hospital treatment.

Obviously that's of no concern to The Sun, who really do have a moral duty to be more thoughtful, given the average level of intellect of their readers.

People, don't be surprised is there's a sudden rise in confused youths being rushed to your local A&E dept with vacuum-cleaner related damage to their person.

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