Gordon in the morning: He's been to the newsagent

Gordon, as a general rule of thumb, people who really do have a brilliant career in the US you'll know about; if someone - like, say, Holly Valance (remember her?) turns up and tells you that they're doing really well in America, it generally means that "doing well" is "the landlord has agreed to wait until next month for the rent".

Not that Holly Valance has told Gordon anything; his big online splash is actually lifted from FHM. Yes, Holly Valance and FHM are both still going. Who knew?

In the paper, though, Bizarre leads on the on-the-spot reports from another person whose portmanteau career has turned out to be all port and no manetau - Vinnie Jones. He was "caught up in" the Los Angeles earthquake earlier in the week. And, although "caught up in" means "was there when it happened", Gordon is happy to run Vinnie's report:

“It was my first earthquake. I was 14 floors up and doing an interview when I could feel the building start to sway. I looked out over LA and the whole place was shaking.

“It was a strange feeling when it kicked off. I felt a bit sea-sick and it made my legs go weird.

“I didn’t know if I should run for the door or just keep staring out the window. Looking back, if the tower block had come down that would have been it for me. I don’t want to be a part of that again in a hurry.”

Well, yes: if a tower block which you were in fell down, it would be tragic for you. But it didn't, mainly because buildings in LA are meant to be able to cope with eartquakes. Given where they are.

In effect, Jones experienced something interesting but his inability to verbalise it makes it less informative even than the USGS page.