DO WHAT, RON RON, DO WHAT RON RON?: Ronnie Spector Greenfield, wife of Phil Spector, tells reporters she'd never seen Phil "violent, with a gun or anything." Is this the same Ronnie Spector who in her 1991 Autobiography 'Be My Baby' claimed that he had pulled a gun on her in the first three months of their marriage?

THEY'RE NOT GOING QUIETLY: We're a little lost as to the exact reasoning behind the RIAA going after ordinary file-sharers - it was to scare everyone, or something, right? Only when people do pay up (there's a few dozen capitulated to their bullying tactics) nobody much hears about it, as the cases which make the news are the ones which just portray the buddy-group of the big labels as heartless, thick gits - like the action bought against a New Jersey woman for her 13 year old daughter's downloads. Michele Scimeca - who comes from Rockaway, perfectly enough - isn't going to let herself be rolled over by the RIAA and seems to be set on creating a wonderful large stink. [Alan C, again: we thank you]

WELL, HE COULD PROBABLY BENEFIT FROM HAVING HIS OWN DIPLOMATIC BAGGAGE: People really should be more careful when they're handing out awards. Last year, Britney inadvertently lead Michael Jackson to believe he'd been given an Artist of the Millennium prize, and now Colin Powell seems to have created James Brown as "secretary of soul and foreign minister of funk." Now, of course, Powell is no stranger to making odd pronouncements about non-existent stuff - let's not forget the time he tried to pull the United Nation's leg about lorries transforming into biological weapon factories at the drop of a hat, and chemical weapon plants which disappeared in a puff of smoke when you went to look at them - but this is especially astonishing. Apart from anything, shouldn't Brown be Foreign Minister for funk, suggesting funk is his special overseas responsibility, rather than of funk, which would tend to imply that he came from funk?

Anyway, we doubt if Brown will ever be allowed to take up his position - the Senate is bound to pick up on his spell in chokey for firing guns at the police before anyone ever gets round to deciding what functions of the Department of Homeland Security should be brought under the new Department of Soul. [Thanks to Alan C for the link]

HOW LONG UNTIL THE CHICKEN SONG?: We've been waiting for a chance to mentionPopular, but one hasn't presented itself so we'll just do it for its own sake, shall we? Tom Ewing sets out to review all the nearly 1000 records to have made Number One in the UK. In order. he's just got up to That'll Be The Day, which means he's in 1957. For some reason it reminds us a little of Doctor Who.

NOT THROWING HIS STUPID HAT INTO THE RING: We mentioned a couple of weeks ago that Jay Kay had been drafted in to head up a campaign to build some houses on a school site in Princes Risborough. It now turns out that he although he cares deeply about the campaign, Jay Kay can't actually be arsed to turn up or do anything about it. Which is a bit of a bugger for the council, who are now going to have to rely on themselves to push the measure through.

SCHOOL'S OUT FOREVER: Reading about the German School of Rock we find ourselves wondering: do these courses ever do any good? We used to toil in the shadow of LIPA, or "Paul McCartney's Fame School" as it was all-too-often dubbed, and despite the numerous talented individuals teaching there, and the millions of pounds of money poured in, its main contribution to the world appears to have been that chap who did 'Whatever', the songwords for Jemini's Eurovision null pointer and one chap from a Boyband - none of which really suggests a whole heap of skills learned in a classroom environment. There's also the Brits School in Croydon, which we remember created quite a buzz of excitement when it was created some ten or so years back. Since then, however, we've seen a sign pointing to it from a train window, and that's it. Now it might be that the entire upper echelons of the British Music Industry passed through its doors - or maybe even some usefull members of society have - but surely if it's been a great success we'd be hearing its name all the time? The Christian Science Monitor observes "Others wonder if a bachelor of arts degree in pop is worth as much as a business degree and an internship at a record label" - and you have to say, perhaps they're right.

WHO DO VOODOO? THEY DO: We think it's just a one-off, but Voodoo, the legendary Liverpool club night will walk the earth (well, the old L2 or Carling Academy as it's calling itself nowadays) on New Year's Eve. Hurrah!

STUDT WALL: When Amy Studt was first offered to us, it was stressed almost non-stop that she wrote her own songs (the "help" was kept as hidden as credits would allow). This was, apparently, the unique selling point. So if her songwriting is so great, why has she wound up releasing a cover of Sheryl Crow's All I Want To Do? We're having trouble figuring out why - after all those interviews about how it was crucial for her to record songs about her own experiences - she's now claiming to come from LA rather than Bournemouth? Nothing to do with her real life turning into disappointingly selling singles, is it?

MAKING WITH THE NOT BAH-HUMBUGS: The good people at Ex-Rental are celebrating the season to be jolly with a festive Eurodisco MP3 download thingy. And while we're being all fa-la-la-la-la, at the LSE in London there's a Christmas Big Issue benefit with Ten Benson, The Parkinsons, Ambershades, Coporation Blend and Future of Junior. Doors at 8, seven quid; on Friday 19th December.

MUMMIFIED DJS: We're slightly scared by the story of the DJ who fell into a wall at his own club and ended up mumified - it sounds like the set up for a Jonathan Creek tale to us. Having said which, if anyone in Tim Westwood's - ahem - manor is doing some drywalling, knows how to turn a blind eye and is able to ignore a bit of desperate banging, could they get in touch at the usual address, please?

YE GODS: We're not surprised the judge has postponed the Courtney Love drug hearings - we'd be keen to hurry her out of our courtroom, too:



If that's what she looks like after a couple of weeks in rehab, you shudder at what she must have been like when they took her in.

IT'S THEIR OWN FAULT, WITH THESE NEW, LIGHT, UNOBTRUSIVE CONTRAPTIONS: We have a degree of sympathy Busta Rhymes, who harrangued a guy at his Copenhagen gig: "I didn't come from the other end of the world to see people sit on their ass. Everybody get up." Wihtout realising that the bloke he was screeching at was in a wheelchair - it does seem to be a genuine, Brentesque mistake rather than a Beastie-Boys style attempt to generate a storm, or Jim Davidson's cuntish refusal to allow people in wheelchairs to sit in the front row of his gigs.

There's no record of how the guy took it, and we're not sure this is genuine security photo of him leaving in a huff:

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: Royal Mail finally comes through edition
Kurt on the cover of the NME - probably turned up late because they had to piece it together like a jigsaw, then; but although the edition is lead off on Kurt, it's mainly Strokes as far as the eye can see - free strokes poster, big picture is strokes in Wales, coverage of all the gigs so far. Apparently the gigs were great, you won't be surprised to hear.

Wonderfully, Peaches reveals that at the moment she is mostly listening to hall & Oates ' Essential Collection. Splendid. Anyone want to join us in a chorus of Adult Education?

What does the new Vines stuff sound like? "A ballad with a Byrds feel", "even more blissed out than Highly Evolved" and even "Heat-shaped Box-esque" - calmed down a bit, then Craig?

Sloppily, the NME repeats nme.com's error in the report on Norman Cook handing in a petition to get Brighton and Hove Albion their ground in Falmer, claiming that the team have been playing at Withdean since the bunch of evil crooks in charge of the club back in the mid-90's sold the Goldstone, completely ignoring the time the team played at Gillingham for two seasons. How can we trust them when they say Joey Ramone is having a street named after him when they get such simple facts wrong? How? HOW?

Million Dead do a CD - Part Chimp, Queen and the Foo Fighters.

Peter Robinson: [Steve Lamacq] is a bit like the indie you, isn't he?
Tim Westwood: I wouldn't say that...
In the best PR verus so far, Westwood also clings to the likely story that he's twenty seven - and a half - despite looking as if he can remember when Paul Heaton didn't have to go to High and Mighty to buy trousers.

Ouch. I've fallen off my seat, because Radar has got women in it - the 5678s, to be precise, although they seem to be featured as much because of their appearance in Kill Bill as anything else - which, what with having been in a major film makes us wonder just how "new" they count as.

Advertising comedy character Har Mar Superstar chooses his favourite new band, and they're Scissor Sisters - "like George Michael having a wet dream over Prince." The poor little fella would drown, surely?

The all-knowing nme brain is asked if Alvin Stardust is Adam Ant's Dad. "It's an easy mistake to make, as Alvin's son is called Adam" - just like, erm, Stuart Goddard isn't. Why it might be an understandable mistake is because Alvin was married to Liza Goddard, so Mr. Ant shares a real surname with Alvin's ex-wife.

So, Kurt Cobain's fifty top albums of all time - The Vaselines are in there, The Breeders, and Black Flag, but, of course, he spoils it all by choosing Sergeant Pepper as the first choice.

If The Coral collaborated with Beyonce, James Skelly's girlfriend would bite his cock off, he claims. Yeah, like she's going to put that in her mouth, James. Apparently they still get treated like shite in Hoylake, which is, you know, Hoylake for you.

Jim James of My Morning Jacket thinks that life should be about appreciating little things - "like eating popcorn in your underwear." I'm not sure that that's popcorn, Jim...

Pretty Girls Make Graves had all but split up, you know, but while playing out their last dates they realised they didn't want to.

reviews
live
justin timberlake - birmingham nia - "the best thing he could do now would be to go back to N'Sync", 9
ilara colt - nottingham soundhaus - "prepare yourself for a swift and overdue asscendance", 9
gravy train!!!! - london garage - "a XXX special needs version of Bucks Fizz"

albums
damon albarn - democrazy - " musical foetuses ... thank christ blur usually finish writing their songs before they sell them otherwise they'd be shit", 2

ladytron/various - softcore jukebox - "Hit the north Part 1... Wire... Soon by My Bloody Valentine", 8


singles
sotw - the darkness - christmas time (cheesey bell end) - "a universe beyond shame"
good chalotte - the young and the hopeless - "crap lament to teenage suicide"
zoot woman - gem - "noir-ish Human league style electric futurism"

John Cale loves Radiohead. They've reached Wales, then?

Next week... it's double pop papers, which is scary because that means we need to do Christmas shopping.

And finally, Ryan Adams - why have you got a logo parodying the American Prescription mark? Besides it not travelling well, are you trying to suggest you have healing qualities?

SEACREST UNSEATS SHAGGY: Ryan Seacrest is replacing Casey Kasem as presenter of the chart rundown on American Radio. Oh, sure, you might laugh, but everyone laughed when Wes Butters was plucked from obscurity to... um... [checks Google] bugger me, apparently Wes presents the Panda Pops Top 40 on Radio One.

But while the host of American Pop Idol is adding a chart rundown to his portfolio (he's also going to be doing his own show for Fox on the telly, which kind of suggests just how poor he must be), in Britain Pop Idol has brought about the end of a chart presenter's career. Dr. Fox is to step down from his job reading out the commercial chart that nobody much cares about on a dwindling number of ILR stations. Fox blames pressure of time - he also does Capital's drive time slot, and is constantly having to answer phone calls and letters intended for Dr. Liam Fox, Tory Party chairman. (By the way, congratulations to ITV.com news for headlining the story 'Dr Fox to leave radio' even though their own report makes clear he's continuing with his teatime show.)

popdex - a temporary link

POP PAPERS: When Right to Reply changed to offer a freepost address for viewers to write in, they suddenly discovered a problem with their generous offer: Freepost is much slower than ordinary post, and as such letters weren't arriving in time for them to get into the programme. So it is that the Post Office is currently fucking up the Pop Papers schedule, as for the second week out of three the NME hasn't turned up. For now, we can tell you: Cobain on the cover, full version hopefully this evening.

Maybe if Post Office boss Alan Leighton had just the one job, things might start happening there.

BUCKLES AND BOWS: The RIAA has announced a new high-profile signing, with the appointment of Bradley Buckles, director of the Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, as the new head of the RIAA's anti-piracy unit. Clearly, the accusations of being a bit heavy-handed and slightly muddled levelled at the music industy's cartel have stung, and they've now decided to become totally heavy-handed and utterly muddled, if Buckle's past record is anything to go by.

Take, for example, the case of Unintended Consequences, a work of fiction by investment broker and former Democratic candidate John Ross. It seems that Buckles' ATF was a bit pissed with the story, which featured the bureau, and oddly, according to Ross' attorney, people selling the book in three different states received a "visit" from ATF reps suggesting that to continue to offer the title for sale might result in "problems." Even more strangely, Mrs. Ross, at the time amicably separated from her husband, was approached by men waving ATF ID cards trying to dig for dirt.

Meanwhile, the hideous botch-up of the lawsuits against music fans should be familar territory to Buckles, whose agency screwed up attempts to tighten-up change of ownership rules for gunowners. Now, we're half feeling that anyone who the NRA hates can't be all bad, but even so... it's not the best of signs.

YOUR CHANCE TO INFLUENCE HISTORY: Polydor, it seems, don't really know what to do with Girls Aloud now they've released the same album twice. So they're asking people to suggest what they should do with them next. Forget manufactured bands; here comes focus-group groups.

AFGHAN RUG: America isn't having the best of times in Afghanistan right now - they seem to be accidenting to death an awful lot of kids, opponents of their presence are taking strength and pinching ideas from the Iraqi resistance and for some reasons the parents of a Canadian also accidented to death by the US won't just take the medal and be happy with that. What to do to cheer the boys up? Hmmm... can't do the George Bush and the plastic turkey again, that's been sort of ruined for everyone now the world knows the troops in Iraq weren't even eating turkey that day, so... why not send for Henry Rollins? Oh, sure, it might seem an odd choice - Rollins with his history of slagging of the Commander-in-chief standing in for ole' Uncle George - but Henry, it seems, was delighted to be invited and start spewing out quotes that sound more like a recruitment poster than a punk hero: "“In America, on the news, we see the exclamation points about this whole thing, casualties, helicopter crashes, because it makes for good news and it’s very important when we lose all those people; but what we never hear about, what I’ve found out today, are all the good things that are happening to this country because of all of you that are here,” Rollins expressed to the crowd. “I’m about to start of 50 or 60 speaking dates all across America and by the time I’m done with them they’ll all know what I saw, so you can count on me for that.”[...] “What I didn’t expect was to meet so many bright, amazing people, who are so focused on their jobs, so highly educated, and so fully intense; and I’m quite in awe.”

Clearly, now Bob Hope's dead, Henry is sensing his chance to become the new Force's sweetheart.

PARKS RIDES ON: BMG, Arista and Outkast haven't heard the last of Rosa Parks yet, it seems, as her claim against them has been allowed to go forward by the US Supreme Court. Parks, you'll recall, was miffed that the band used her name as a songtitle on an album whose ''profanity, racial slurs and derogatory language directed at women'' handicapped her future business dealings, caused emotional distress and tainted her legacy.

Meanwhile, we're delighted to learn from rocktober that Outkast love the Smiths and that Andre 3000 wished he'd written Last Night I Dreamed That Somebody Loves Me. Probably not as much as he wishes he'd not written Rosa Parks, mind.

While we're doing the court round-up: Glenn Campbell pleads 'not guilty' to all the charges against him - it was all Lexapro's fault, he says; A Rhode Island grand jury has issued indictments rising from the Great White's firework nightclub razing - former Great White tour manager Dan Biechele, and club owners Michael and Jeffrey Derderian were each charged with 100 counts of involuntary manslaughter with criminal negligence, a felony charge, and 100 counts of involuntary manslaughter in violation of a misdemeanor. None of the band members face any further action; and George Clinton's brief is fighting the possession charges by claiming an illegal search, which would appear at first glance to sit uncomfortably with the earlier reports that George told the cop he had a pocket full of cocaine.

WE DON'T THINK THESE NEWS STORIES ARE LINKED:
Kiwi opera diva springs shotgun surprise
Vanessa Mae scared by stalker

"WELL, ROY, THAT IS A RECORD FOR THE FURTHEST FALL FOR THE MIGHTY OF ALL TIME…": Mani was in The Stone Roses, and as such produced one of the greatest debut albums of all time. He joined Primal Scream, and thus added his imprint to one of the most extraordinary pop groups of recorded history. But now? Now he's taking a bloody holiday job with Ocean Colour Scene. We thought it was heavy fog hanging over England this morning, but it turns out it was just his coolness and self-respect evaporating off.

I BLAME MYSELF: The heavy pressure of work almost led Westlife to split - it's my fault; maybe if I'd booked them for one more event they might have finally snapped. Now, they say they want to go on "forever - like the BeeGees." In other words, they're telling us it's going to take a death to stop them now. "In music terms, we want to be more than an act that people like for a few years and then tire of." More than?

CAREER GUIDANCE FOR MR. WILLIAMS: Robbie Williams says he wants to 'reinvent himself' after this Australian tour. We'd really like to see him try something from here.

NEW HIGHS IN SENSITIVE PRESS REPORTING: He's not an alleged victim, or an accuser any more - it's now Michael Jackson versus Cancer Boy.

OH, MISTER STING, WE LOVE YOU: What the hell is Rufus Wainwright doing paying tribute to Sting? We can understand the likes of Dave Matthews turning up to praise the former teacher at some godawful Sumner-fest, but Rufus? Are times that hard?

JAZZING IN THE NAME OF THE LORD: We weren't aware of the problem, but apparently Christians who love jazz have been feeling uncomfortable for some time - they can't "enjoy the artform without condemnation", apparently. But the good news is now they can, with the launch of SpiritJazz, the world's first ever jazz label dedicated to Christian jazzing. To try and draw the sting of how jazz is quite tied up with the whole satan-flavoured type mix of drugs, booze, ladies with low-cut dresses and not getting to bed before the Shipping Forecast, the label has built a website which explains that jazz was just church music that lost its way. Maybe, but wasn't Satan originally an angel?

MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH: The Sun claims Kylie Minogue has employed a member of staff to tell her when to eat. That'd be a casual job, we'd imagine. Three days a month?

b>YES, ROBBIE, THAT'LL WORK: Robbie Williams was "only quipping" when he said his appearance with lapdancers was "because he'd go to any lengths to prove he wasn't gay", of course. And, yes, could he look any more like a rabid heterosexual male in this image:



But for some reason, we feel compelled to run this picture:



More interestingly, Robbie says he's "given up" attempting to break America - wow, he put a lot of effort into that, didn't he? I'm going to use that as my working definition of gumption from now on.

WANT A JOB?: Sony in the US are currently hiring staff for... yes, their download music service which is to be called Sony Connect. Hmm.