YOU'RE TURNING UGLY

Royalty payments on six songs from James Blunt's Back To Bedlam have been suspended following a credible claim from a producer who believes he helped build Blunt's career. Lukas Burton says Blunt dropped him when other people started taking interest.

Blunt's people are dismissive:

Blunt's publicist said: "Traditionally, when a record is this massive, everyone wants to claim credit for its success."

She added: "This is no different." But she refused to give any further details.

Oddly, though, not everyone is claiming to have had a hand in Blunt's sucess. And if they did, not everyone would actually have records of what they'd done. Lukas writes entertainingly about (what he claims is) his life with Blunt on MySpace.

The You're Beautiful dirge is not one of the suspended tracks, so the zillions sold next week for mothering sunday will still send cash straight to Blunty even as the unwanted CDs head for landfill.

music james blunt lukas burton

RAPOBIT: Professor X

The death of Professor X, former member of the X-Clan.

Professor X, born Lumumba Carson, was the son of civil rights leader Sonny Carson; he founded The Blackwatch movement, as a counterpoint to the Zulu Nation proposed by Afrika Bambataa. A loose affiliation of ideas and hip hop acts, the movement included Queen Mother Rage, Isis, Daddy-O (who went on to be part of Stetsasonic) and, of course, X-Clan).

Formed in 1990 from within the Blackwatch, the X-Clan came together as a response to what was seen by some young Brooklyn blacks as a time of revolution, driven by a sense of injustice. "We were the one group" explained the team's Brother J, "to address [police brutality and racism] through music and still remain rhythmic enough to be entertainers."

Following on from two albums for Island (To The East Blackwards and Xodus), the Clan moved on in 1997, when J started to concentrate more on his side project, the Dark Sun Riders. Attempts to reunite the group for a new album last year proved somewhat patchy.

The Blackwatch Movement itself started to drift, giving way to, and being overtaken by, the gangsta rap attitude, which dropped the politics and cultural awareness in favour of cars, guns and girls.

Professor X died on Friday. He had been suffering from meningitis.

music professor x backwatch movement obit obituary

CHRISTINA FLIRTS WITH BALDNESS

Christina Aguilera wanted to perm her hair - perhaps in celebration of the perm turning 100 years old this week - only to be given some bad, bad news: Her hair is in such bad condition, any dicking about with it could leave her bald. Luckily, there's a hair insider to tell us more:

"Christina loves her hair and wanted a loose perm.

"But she has been told her tresses have already had so much treatment – including peroxide, hair dye and extensions – that her locks are too weak and brittle for the work.

"She is furious and is facing the next few months knowing she’ll have to wear wigs whenever she wants a curly look."

You can tell that those are the genuine words of a hair expert, as they use the word "tresses."

It's not all bad news, though: when she and Britney find their careers are at the point where the only option is a fight-off in the wrestling ring, at least Britney won't be able to get an advantage by tugging at Christina's hair.

music christina aguilera xtina

GOLDIE WRITHES IN PAIN

While Bez was marshalling maraca players, his fellow comedy pop hangover Goldie was writing in pain and gnashing his expensive teeth after an accident on faded celebs showing off show The Games. He was practicing for the waterski event when something went wrong. The show's producers rushed over, saw how much pain he was in, and immediately got on the phone. After they'd organised Adam Rickitt as a replacement, they then summonded medical assistance for Goldie.

music goldie adam rickitt

JOURNEY SOUTH WANT THE TED DANSON PLANE

Journey South are about to embark on a whistle-stop tour of the UK, using a private jet. This has put the fear of God into the band's Andy, because he doesn't like flying, says his brother, theotheroneoutofjourneysouth:

"We've been given a private plane which is very posh. It's going to be exciting. We've seen a picture of it. I love flying myself, but Andy isn't as excited.

"He's a bit nervous. Andy is scared of flying and this is a real propeller plane.

"He'll be watching the propellers to see if they are still going round."

They did ask if they could do the tour by train, but apparently their management are keen to get them around the country as quickly as possible in the hope there might still be some people who remember them by the time they arrive.

music journey south

MAX CLIFFORD WRITES

If the 3AM Girls continue to carry puff-pieces about Kerry Katona, they might as well just stick Max Clifford on the photobyline on their article. Here's today's piece of "news":

DESPITE reports that they had split, Kerry Katona still proudly shows off a £7,500 gold "friendship" ring on her engagement finger from Mark Croft. And the 25-year-old mum-of-two is intending to keep her taxi driver bloke. Her pal tells us: "Kerry got a £21,000 Vacunaut weight loss machine to get rid of her after-baby bumps." Best of luck, Kez.

Pardon? She got a vacant what machine? She spent twenty-one thousand pounds on a machine to emulate the effects of eating less chips and going jogging? We know she's not very popular in Warrington, but surely she could find a quiet park or something?

music kerry katona

"I'M GETTING A NAME... YIKO... YOGO? WAS THERE A SIGNIFICANT NAME LIKE THAT IN HIS LIFE?"

Part of the crack operation separating cash from the credulous, the people who attempted a TV seance with Princess of Diana (a woman who, if memory serves, died when she imprisoned inside her own home by a massive mountain of plastic-wrapped flowers) are now lining up a new pay-per-view seance: For about six quid, you cam watch some guy pretending to be talking to John Lennon.

Apparently if it's a success, Davina is quite keen to get Lennon onto her show. "It's already got the stench of death attached" explained a spokesperson.

music john lennon

KING WITHOUT A CROWN

He just woke up one day and it wasn't there. That's how Damon Albarn explains away his missing front tooth. We do cherish Victoria Newton's panicky reaction, though:

Now he’s starting to look like SHANE McGOWAN.

One missing tooth and he looks like McGowan? Isn't that a slightly extreme over-reaction, given that McGowan has the air of a man who's attempted to explore the truth of popular playground claim "if you sleep with a moutfull of Coke your teeth will rot" on seven or eight occasions. Albarn needs a dentist, not an entire jaw transplant.

music damon albarn gorillaz

IF YOU WANNA BE THE BEZ, IF YOU WANNA BEAT THE REST

The curious afterlife of Bez's career continues. Oddly, he seems to work harder now than he did when he was sort-of in proper work; his latest feat has been to take part in the world record attempt on largest crowd of maraca players. The previous record was one, though:

"We set the world record, although no doubt it will be getting broken left, right and centre now we've bothered to do it.

"I was freezing before we got going, but shaking my maracas actually warmed me up.

"My advice to anyone wanting to break this record now is to wait until a nice hot summer's day… then you might get a few more people turning up."

Bez persuaded 407 people to turn out for the event. We don't know where he found 814 maracas.

music bez happy mondays

BROKEN BIZKIT?

As if it wasn't enought that it's Friday afternoon, here's some news to put a bounce in your flounce as you head off for the weekend: Wes Borland reckons Limp Bikzit have run their course:

"We're officially on hiatus, maybe even officially over," Borland said. "It's kind of up in the air. No one said, 'We're done as a band.' Everyone's just doing their own thing, and [some members] don't have time for this band anymore. I haven't quit, but I've also decided to stop thinking about Limp. I'm not going to keep trying to breathe life into a dying animal.

"It just ground to a halt," he continued. "We just basically stopped talking. I feel bad for the fans that [might] think something's actually going to happen with Limp [in the future]. It's not happening. The Unquestionable Truth (Part 2) is not coming out. If it does, I'd be super surprised. But you can never say never. Anything's possible. As of right now, none of my future plans include Limp Bizkit."

Of course, being a dying beast didn't stop Durst from wanking out the last couple of albums, but if even Wes has noticed, that's got to be game over, surely?

We wonder if anyone's told Fred yet...
[Thanks to Jana K for bringing us good news.]

music limp bizkit wes borland fred durst

MUSIC AGAIN

But you can never believe in a never, as Roxy Music - the original Roxy Music start work on their first new album for thirty-three years. (There's not been any Roxy Music music since Avalon in 1982, but that didn't feature Prof Brian Eno on quasi-atomic particle keyboards and hyperlatinate guitars.

music bryan ferry brian eno roxy music

SMITHS KNOCK BACK COACHELLA

Five Million dollars is an awful lot of cash, and it takes a steady hand and a firm nerve to turn it down. It just increases the warmth of memory surrounding the Smiths to know that Coachella's five million dollar offer for them to reunite was turned down flat.

Morrissey revealed the offer during an interview at SXSW:

When journalist David Fricke asked if he had considered it, Morrissey replied, "No, because money doesn't come into it," a response that drew applause from the crowd.

Of the critically adored act, which broke up in the late 1980s, Morrissey said, "It was a fantastic journey. And then it ended. I didn't feel we should have ended. I wanted to continue. [Johnny]
wanted to end it. And that was that."

You do wonder what Madonna's getting for her Coachella appearance, don't you?

music johnny marr morrissey the smiths sxsw coachella

POLICE BREAK UP DIRTY PROTEST

The curse of the Libertines (which doesn't exist in any sense other than as a lazy journalistic cliche, which is precisely the context we're using it in here) strikes again: Texas police broke up the Dirty Pretty Things SXSW set last night.

The gig was running late after Flaming Lips had taken their own sweet time getting on stage earlier; faced with the prospect of becoming a Pete Doherty tribute act by getting lobbed in a jail, the DPT beat a retreat.

The heavy handed police actions again raise questions over the relationship between the city of Austin and the festival: in 2004, the cops pepper-sprayed an audience.

music sxsw dirty pretty things

MINISTER BREAKS HER OWN LAW

When idiots make laws, the laws will be idiotic. Now, we're not calling Tessa Jowell an idiot - after all, I'm sure we've all signed a mortgage application form claiming there were no outstanding mortgages on the property while, apparently, being simultaneously unaware that our husband had paid off the previous mortgage with money that may or may not have come from Europe's dodgiest prime minister, haven't we? - but it is wonderful that following numerous campaigners warning her that her 2003 Licensing Act would cause trouble for people wanting nothing more than a sing-song in public premises has caused her problems.

Jowell's bad law insists that any pre-planned musical event can only take place in a venue licensed for entertainment. Unfortunately, on International Women's Day, Jowell gathered with a group of international women to sing some sort of song about women in Victoria Gardens. Nobody had applied for a licence - understandably, because who would have thought that some idiot would have brought in a law which would require a few people singing a couple of tunes in a park to be licensed in the same way as the Monsters of Rock Festival?

Jowell could, of course, shift the blame - perhaps the person responsible for the Royal Parks should have taken care of licensing of this sort to cover these eventualities. The only problem is that the ultimate authority for the Royal Parks lays with the Culture Secretary, which would be... ah, you're ahead of us, aren't you?

Jowell will escape prosecution, though, because Westminster City Council says nobody has complained. We really hope nobody does complain. That would be awful, if someone called the council to complain. Terrible.

music tessa jowell westminster

PROVE IT, BRITNEY

Britney Spears is currently suing Us magazine for libel, claiming that their story suggesting there was a tape of her and Kevin Woodentop having sex about to go into ciruclation made her sound like some sort of slapper, claims which could affect her future career of dancing about dressed as a schoolgirl/in a skintight catsuit/naked except for some diamonds.

The case, though, has been delayed. Us want the case dropped; the judge has given the Spears time to pull together an argument why it shouldn't. Britney was apparently delighted to hear the judge wanted some evidence of arguments from her and Kevin; apparently she's got hundreds of them.

music britney spears kevin federline

BLOFELD? BLOW HARD, MORE LIKE

Giddy with excitement at his barely-mentioned role in Mrs Henderson Presents, Will Young now has decided he is an ac-tor:

"I think I'd be a good baddie. I'd like to be like the guy with the cat. Perhaps I'd be better with a really camp piglet... or a budgie. I'd probably kill Bond with my jokes."

Apparently he's trying to find his way into the Hollywood machine:

"I was at a film awards last night and I sucked up to everyone," he said. "I'd say: 'Are you a director?' and it would turn out I was talking to a waitress."

For your long-term career, Will, those are probably the sort of contacts you should be cultivating.

music will young james bond

PETE BURNS WHILE PETE BURNS

We had a friend who once nearly set fire to a Merseyside music icon, as they idly flicked some ash over a stairwell balcony just as Ian McCulloch was coming up the stairs; luckily, although the ash hit his head, it didn't cause a fire.

Now, a second Merseyside music icon nearly went in the same fag/hair fashion, as Pete Burns managed to set his own hair extensions on fire at the Groucho Club. To be honest, though, we're not sure this was an accident. Burns in the Groucho? Surely that's a cry for help?

music pete burns groucho club

GLITTER PLANS EXILE'S LIFE

Wizardesque child sex fan Gary Glitter is still attempting to paint himself as a victim, hoping he can get sympathy for his plight. His lawyer pops up in today's Mirror:

Le Than Kin, the shamed pop star's lawyer, said: "He told me he is devastated because he will probably never be able to go home. He thinks the police will hound him and try to arrest him if he sets foot on English soil."

Well, if by "hound him" Kin means "arrest him for leaving the country without signing the sex offenders register", we guess he'd be spot on.

music gary glitter

THE DREAMS JIM COULDN'T FIX

We all have dreams, hopes, aspirations. Alison Goldfrapp has a simple wish:

“I’ve always fantasised about women who can twirl their breasts in opposite directions.

“I’ve tried, but I can only get one going.”

music alison goldfrapp

JACKSON FINDS THE CASH

If he had the money, how come he took until yesterday to pay December's wages? Michael JaJackson has coughed up the outstanding wages for the staff who dress up as ghosts to scare meddling kids away from Neverland Ranch.

Jackson's spokeswoman, Raymone Bain, said the singer does not comment on matters involving his finances because he considers them to be private.

Which might be fair enough, except when it's not his money, it's money that belongs to his staff.

music michael jackson

SHIP BOYS, PET

The name of Swan Hunter has always alarmed us - apart from anything, don't all the swans belong to the Queen and therefore isn't hunting them akin to chasing after Charles with an axe (don't try it; he can run, that one, faster than you'd think.) Anyway, Swan Hunter shipyward is to play host to live and free Pet Shop Boys gig. They're doing their Battleship Potemkin soundtrack thingy again.

music pet shop boys battleship potemkin

JACK WHITE WAVES THE COPYRIGHT STICK

Coca-Cola's corporate shill Jack White has shown that no matter how many records you sell, you're never to big to pursue a vendetta. Because Billy Childish told GQ he didn't care for the White Stripes, Jack posted on the Stripe's website that Childish was a "bitter garage rocker."

Aquarium, the London gallery which shows Childish's art work, was offering for sale a spoof boxing poster advertising a bout between Billy and Jack. They got a stiff letter from Mr. White's lawyers using copyright concerns to halt the offer. They've now removed a disputed photo from the design, and put the thing back on sale.

music jack white billy childish white stripes

WEST HEADS FOR HOLLYWOOD

With Ice Cube about to take on Welcome Back Kotter, we were hoping that Kanye West's film debut might have been a feature-length revival of Kate & Allie. But no, instead West is goint to "executive produce" and appear in:

a "multiperspective portrait of the United States as seen through the eyes of West and several filmmakers."

Which does sound wonderfully like those films the Post Office and the Gas Boards used to make when they were ours and not merely profit-gouging outfits, but we do find ourselves wondering what West's perspective actually is.

"America... a land of the rich. But also... a land with many, many poor people. So I'm told."

music kanye west movies

AS SHE SHOVED THE CAR KEYS UP MY NOSE I THOUGHT 'HERE COMES ANOTHER SINGLE'

Phil Collins is breaking up with his wife - this is either his third wife of six years or his sixth wife of three years.

music phil collins

PLEASE EXCUSE VINCE NEIL, HE IS ILL

"Vince Neil lets people down" isn't exactly news, we suppose, but it's happened again. He'd signed up to host an after-gig party in Virginia, and pocketed six thousand dollars. The manager of the venue took a call moments before he was due to appear, apparently claiming he'd been rushed to hospital:

I got a call about 10:40, just after the concert let out from his manager Jack. He was in a state of panic it seemed like and he said that Vince was ill. Throwing up blood and such. And was being taken to the emergency room and that he wouldn't be showing up.

Well, no restaurant would want someone throwing up blood, would they? The curious thing is, though, when the local news channel spoke to the hospital, they were surprised: no, they'd had nobody from Motley Crue in; indeed, the ambulance on standby to take people from the Crue gig to hospital was never called on.

The band's management deny they ever said stuff about blood and hospitals, and that Vince "had mild food poisoning."

music vince neil motley+crue

GENIUS LOVES SELFCOMPANY

We're not sure how Salam Hayek came to be directing the video for the new Prince single, although she does share qualities found in a lot of Prince collaborators. Salami, though, has her own theory. It's because she's brilliant:

"He took my direction so well. It was my concept, I came up with the idea. He just let me do it. I think I reminded him of himself - he's such a genius."

We can't tell if she means she thinks he thought "she's a genius, which is a lot like I am", or if she just thinks they're alike, and he's a genius. But to be fair, we can't decide if we hate this sort of preening more than we dislike false modesty.

music salma hayek prince

THE SPICE GIRLS TOUR: OFF

There never has been a Spice Girls tour. Mel C has repeatedly made it clear that it wouldn't happen. There never was going to be a Spice Girls tour. And yet The Sun is claiming an exclusive on its cancellation.

Still, there's "a source close to the girls" to report:

“She wants to concentrate on solo work. She met with Victoria, who was thinking the same thing. Posh is now heavily into fashion and realised the Spice tour had the potential to be a PR disaster.

“The girls would be compared to the amazing TAKE THAT comeback."

Yes, the amazing Take That comeb... hang about, how do you know it's amazing? It hasn't happened yet. Gary Barlow might insist on wearing a codpiece and Robbie Williams might turn up.

And we love the idea that Posh thinks the sort of people who might buy her garish jeans and kiddie-style sunglasses would be put off by a shit Spice Girls reunion. ("We could just about take the solo records, but this...")

music spice girls

... AND HE'D SPEND THE RENT ON DRUGS

In a survey so pointless even The Sun really can't be arsed with it, Pete Doherty has been voted the worst flatmate you could possibly have. Which might be true, but at least you'd have the place to yourself for six months every year while he was on tour, in rehab or in jail.

Pete D just edged out Pete Burns; apparently Jamie Oliver came out tops. Because you could use his Saisnbruy's discount.

music pete doherty pete burns

PUCKER UP FOR LIPS

It's been what people in suits call "released to radio", but in case you've sold your radio to feed your children, or perhaps fed your radio to your children, you might want to eavesdrop on the stream of the new Flaming Lips single. [Quicktime]

music flaming lips

WELCOME BACK, TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT

After the, uh, success of Bewitched as a movie, they've managed to find someone to bankroll a Welcome Back, Kotter movie.

You heard. Welcome Back, Kotter. They're lining up Ice Cube to play the titular returning teacher (which is what it's getting a mention here, by the way).

Of course, this isn't quite as extraordinary as it sounds, as there's already been a Welcome Back, Kotter movie. Sort of.
WBK was the US adaptation of Please, Sir...

... which got a movie run-out. They could even use the same script, give or take a couple of changes ("hood" for "inner city", and so on.) After all, Ice Cube does have the look of the young John Alderton about him...

music ice cube welcome back kotter please sir