Madonna gives local the birds

Let's set aside thoughts of Madonna's children-collecting trips and return, instead, to the vexed issue of one of her many homes (sad, some might say, when one person has so much and so many have nothing). The always-caring Maddy has been running a lucrative shoot on her Wiltshire estate - the one she went to court to keep oiks like us off, of course.

Presumably because the sort of rich idiots who pay large sums to wave guns at animals aren't very good shoots, the number of birds on her estate has been growing and growing, and local residents have had their electricty supplies cut six times by birds flying into power lines, reports the Daily Mail.

Southern Electricity have now had to spend half a million quid to put a protective curtain around the cables.

Still, if your power does go down, it does spare you having to watch that footage of Madonna dancing with the Malawian while her camera man signals to the crowds to stand up and join in, at least for a few hours. Every bag of soap has its own papaya, as they say in Holland.

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The parklife is over

Surely the reason Phil Daniels couldn't get into Damon Albarn's new band's party wasn't because Damon has waited to get revenge for Daniel's description of Blur as "my band" some years ago?

Probably not. It's almost certainly got more to do with "keep Natalie Cassidy out at all costs".

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Have you still found what you're looking for?

In some sort of bid to try and make what is little more than a contract-completion best of album seem exciting, U2 are throwing a online treasure hunt for their fans; you find the banners scattered across the web, and you get given a fabulous prize by Bono.

Who may well then take you to court to get it back, but it's the thought that counts.

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I don't love cash, insists Cheryl

Simply because they love to drive down to the bank of an afternoon, withdraw all their cash, take it home, use it to fill their swimming pool and then spend hours wallowing in the notes and coins, naked and laughing, people get the impression that Cheryl Tweedy and Ashley Cole love money. Tweedy says that - and nicknames like Cheryl Greedy - is just plain wrong:

“I wish they’d stop calling me Greedy. They don’t even know me or Ashley. He is the kindest, softest, loveliest person.

“People call me names all the time — but it hurts more when I hear Ashley being called them. It’s so far from the person he is. They don’t know how much he does for charity, he keeps that private. He even gets offended if I try to pay the bill when we’re at a restaurant. The latest I’ve heard is that we’re buying a house in the Seychelles.

“It’s rubbish. We went there for our honeymoon and it was the most boring place ever. It would drive us mad.”

Plus, the Seychelles banknotes really chaffe when you rub them over your body.

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Madonna's baby: Yes, that again

Sorry to return to the subject of Madonna's Oprah interview, but since the good people at Harpo kept the programme under wraps, we're only getting to hear bits and pieces of it in dribs and drabs. First of all, we were surprised that Madonna's appearance had managed to convince the fearless Daily Mail that Madonna's baby is Aids orphan - although not as surprised as his father will be. Obviously, we have no way of knowing if Madonna's version of the death of David's mother is true, or the one everyone else has reported (that she died following childbirth complications), but if there had been good reasons for everyone else providing a false story - perhaps to avoid stigmatising surviving relatives? - we're sure Madonna's decision to blow it in front of millions is understandable. After all, what are little people's lives when compared with Madonna's bids to salvage her PR?

We were also surprised to discover that David [is] still a little bit ill, not completely free of his pneumonia, but he's much better than he was when we found him."

Leaving aside that David wasn't, actually, lost but being cared for in one of the better orphanages in Malawi, if he's got pneumonia, should he not have been allowed to recover before being flown anywhere? After all, most medical sources actually advise against flying if you've got pneumonia. The decision to fly a sick child out the country does somewhat reinforce the suspicion that Madonna was rushing to get him out as quickly as possible.

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Indies hurt as Tower collapses

While the implosion of US record chain Tower might seem to be most worrying for the majors, it's also causing some major worries amongst smaller labels: Tower accounted for between five and six per cent of some indie's grosses, and, for all its faults, Tower used to take much more new music than its main rivals.

"I don't see that another retailer is going to step up to make that commitment to physical goods," said Bruce Iglauer, who operates the Chicago-based blues label Alligator Records

The main trouble is that, while online sales have been high enough to help force Tower off the high street, they're not yet at a level where they can replace through-the-door sales:

Rob Miller, partner in the Chicago-based alternative-country label Bloodshot Records, said that online sales account for just 10%-15% of the company's business. He estimates that Tower accounted for about 5% of Bloodshot's sales.

"If it was a one-to-one trade (for lost physical sales), it'd be great, but it's not," Miller said of online sales. "It's a good bandage on a much larger hemorrhage."

In time, downloads and web-sold CDs will expand to fill the gap. The question is, of course, if that will come quick enough to keep the indie sector solvent.

For major labels, the threat of the closure of Tower is added to by the chain's current 'Everything Must Go' closeout sale, forcing prices down and soaking up demand at the start of the holiday seasons.

music tower

Bass' boyfriend blows bashing battalions

Lance Bass' partner, Reichen Lehmkuhl has been receiving threats as he publishes a memoir of his time in the US forces, focusing mainly on the homophobia he encountered during his time in the Air Force:

"I am not going to hide," says the former Air Force captain and winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race." "There are threats that come in from people who do not want me to be so public and expose what is going on in the military."

Lehmkuhl's book, Here's What We'll Say: Growing Up, Coming Out, and the U.S. Air Force Academy, recounts his time keeping his sexual orientation a secret from Air Force colleagues.

"There was definitely an institionalized acceptance of people being homophobic and telling gay jokes and making homophobic remarks — really, really mean homophobic remarks to the point of, `Kill gay people,'" Lehmkuhl, who was honorably discharged from the Air Force five years ago, told ABC News earlier this week.

Beenie Man is reported to be considering applying for a pilot's licence.

music lance bass Reichen Lehmkuhl

Mariah demands herself out of a job

The people attempting to bring Mariah Carey to Hong Kong have cancelled the gig with just two days to go. They can't take it any more:

"As promoters of the Mariah Carey Hong Kong concert, we have decided to cancel the event effective immediately due to both the poor response of public ticket sales and also due to specific last-minute demands which we find wholly unreasonable and not with the best interests of Hong Kong, us and also the fans," the statement said.

It's thought that amongst her crazy demands which no human alive could satisfy was one for an audience to turn up to listen to her singing.

music mariah carey

3AM Girls break shock news

Who would have thought that Billie Piper wouldn't want to be caught up in a nasty, vindictive, public divorce battle:

BILLIE Piper says she doesn't envy Paul McCartney and Heather Mills's divorce saga.

Really? What insights can we expect in tomorrow's paper? Samantha Mumba thrilled she hasn't had her eyes gouged out? Peter Andre saying he wouldn't want to swap with Steve Irwin?

music billie piper

Going to a Streisand gig is like flying ElAl

If you're planning on going to see Barbara Streisand, be prepared for some hard times at the security gate. She's virtually putting the gigs into lockdown:

The singer wants metal detectors at all her concerts, told promoters to provide her with extra security guards and insists on police sniffer dogs at venues.

Streisand also specifies that plain-clothes guards be "neatly dressed in dark jackets, blazers or sweaters".

That probably includes the sniffer dogs.

Babs has, apparently, racked up the security demands after she got some flack for taking the rise out of Bush:

According to US reports, an angry Streisand told one heckler: "Why don't you shut the fuck up? If you can't take a joke, why don't you leave?"

We're not sure why she's bothering with all the security - a tongue lashing from Babs is surely enough to keep an entire nest of terrorists in order?

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Sparing the Rod

We're sure Paul McCartney will be cheered by the almost-ringing vote of confidence in him from Rod Stewart yesterday:

"He might be a drugtaker but I don't think he's a wifebeater. I think he should fight it. I don't think he should settle."

He's almost certainly not a wifebeater, despite all the drugs he's constantly necking... we'd suggest Paul doesn't put Rod on the shortlist for charcter witness.

music rod stewart paul mccartney heather mills

Taylor quits Duran - again

The second time as, well, not quite farce, as they're all past the stage of trouser-dropping and running in and out of French windows: Andy Taylor has quit Duran Duran again, citing a rift, or maybe a gulf:

A statement from the remaining members, Simon Le Bon, Nick Rhodes and John and Roger Taylor, said a "gulf" had developed between them which meant they could no longer work effectively together.

It continued: "Although obviously disappointed and saddened about this, we are excited about the next chapter of the Duran Duran story."

The gulf, of course, wasn't helped by Taylor prancing out the door halfway through a US tour.

music duran duran

Razorlight? It's all peace and love

Like a Tory wife with a disgraced husband stood at the gate of their country home, Johnny Borrell and Andy Burrows want the world to know they're working through their problems and a Razorlight divorce is not on the cards:

"The fight was nothing. I'm sitting here right now in the best band in the world, with the best drummer in the world.

"In fact, Andy Burrows is the greatest in the whole of rock 'n' roll and if there's a better one, I don't believe it. Yes, we have our fall-outs but I love him like a brother."

Like Cain loved Abel.

music razorlight

Barlow closes deals

Gary Barlow is moving to London, and has sold up his mansion - including the disputed pond where he upset all the anglers - and everything in it. Yesterday, there was an auction where you could pick up second-hand Ikea sofas and, erm, used telescopes.

He picked up £11,439 in all, apparently.

music gary barlow take that

Andy wants to protect what's his

If we were Andy Scott Lee, we might have thought long and hard about the relative strengths we were bringing to our marriage to Michelle Heaton before suggesting a prenup.

It's hacked off Michelle, for a start:

"It was Andy’s idea and I went mad. I didn’t like it all."

Andy, though, felt he had something to protect:

"Obviously Michelle is more well off than I am and it's also to protect the property I have with my brother. Whatever we buy together will be split according to the contributions we make. It’s a wise move."

What's most heartwarming about that is that he doesn't even bother to throw in a "if we do one day fall out of love with each other..." - it's surprising he bothered with a prenup, the way he's talking you'd have expected him to have a divorce ready to roll. Just in case. Just to protect his property empire.

Still, it's not like it's soured the beautiful relationship, is it?

"We may not even do it on the wedding night. We might have to do it the next morning. Our relationship doesn’t rely on sex."

Andy might want to check exactly what he's signed up to.

music michelle heaton andy scott lee

A place by your mum

Whatever you might think about the Arctic Monkeys, they're clearly not ones to squander their cash or their opportunities. Jamie Cook has bought his own house - bricks and mortar, lad, you can't lose on bricks and mortar - and even got his Mum to advise him. Although apparently he offered the asking price, so he's still got some things to learn.

music arctic monkeys

Robbie Williams is not like a racehorse

Meet Frances Ingram. She's just placed a couple of bets on herself - £40 at 100-1 that she'll go on a date with date with Robbie Williams, and a tenner at 1,000-1 that she'll wind up the first Mrs. Williams.

Placing a bet on marrying Robbie Williams? We thought bookies always turned down bets on events with tragic outcomes. Still, if you were setting up a new life with him, it'd be handy to be able to nip down to William Hills on the wedding day and pick up an extra ten grand to add to the family funds.

Why is Ms Ingram so sure she'll end up sharing Robbie's marital bed? Because she's got all the pictures and a scrapbook and everything:

“I am his greatest fan. I adore him and I’ve got all his CDs and loads of pictures of him.

“We have a lot in common, because like me he’s around the same age and has no children.”

And, of course, they both really, really love Robbie Williams.

William Hill are generous as they pocket the cash:

“We know Robbie’s a great sport and I think there is a great chance we will get stung.”

This is, of course, in no way like our local bookie Fatmouth Stanley, who will always try to look worried when he takes our money: "ooh... not a tenner on Streaky Bacon? I reckon that could be expensive for me, even though he's been dead all these years... he's in with a chance."

Judging by Frances' chat-up technique, they've nothing to worry about:

"[I saw him once and] I gave him a V sign and he laughed his head off."

That's hardly a step towards champagne and a starlit horseride through the streets, is it?

It's unknown if William Hill will insist on evidence that the marriage is consumated before they pay out, but judging by the odds, they're not expecting it.

music robbie williams gambling

The Sun: First with the news

Brace yourself for an exclusive insight into the life of Pete Doherty from this morning's newspapers:

[B]ehind the scenes, experts are said to believe the wayward singer is still a hopeless drug addict whose attempts at rehab have been merely a farce.

They feel he will only make a genuine effort to quit drugs if he is treated with a rod of iron.

Blimey. Do you really think?

music pete doherty babyshambles

"As a big fan of Peter Jay and Dirty Den..."

Everyone who thought that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's second child was going to be sharing a name with the London Borough of Sutton, and who has been shopping for novelty items with that upon it, you're in for a shock: the kid's been lumbered with the name Jayden instead.

Apparently, it's not that unusual: it was the 54th most popular name in America last year. We suspect that it was inspired by Kevin's rap music, as it means "God has heard"; presumably the middle name, James, means "... and he implores you to stop."

music britney spears kevin federline

Memento

Razorlight (or the Johnny Borrell Swing Band) have scored something of a coup: Guy Pearce is appearing in their next video.

The band are very excited. Although they're probably not sure yet if they're going to be in as well.

music guy pearce johnny borrell razorlight

When friends fall out

There's never been anything like it (except when BMG bought Napster and so found itself being sued by its RIAA partners): Universal is suing (Sony-owned) Grouper. Grouper would have been the poor man's YouTube, had it not been purchased by Sony; it's being targetted by Universal alongside similar service Bolt.

We're not quite sure what happens should this get to court: if Sony wins, surely that would present some sort of a weakness when it's attempting to pursue people using broadly similar file-sharing services with its material? After all, if it believes it's defensible to share a music video owned by Universal on Grouper, how can it object to someone sharing a song owned by Sony on, say, Bittorrent? And if Universal wins, wouldn't Sony-BMG have to quit the RIAA?

Yes, actually, according to the RIAA's rules:

Eligibility is not extended to companies that are currently engaged in, have within five years of application been engaged in, or are controlled by any person, firm or corporation which has within 5 years of application been engaged in the unauthorized creation, duplication, sale, importation, or other use of sound recordings in violation of state or federal law.

In fact, shouldn't Sony-BMG have been kicked out for that Napster connection anyway?

music sony universal riaa

Doherty versus Italy

Somewhat wonderfully, we note that Pete Doherty's focus on how it wasn't him who started the fight with the photographer almost pulled off one of the greatest pieces of misdirection in musical history, taking attention away from the reports of him apparently threatening the audience with a broken mic stand at the same event.

music pete doherty babyshambles

Is it a crime to lie to Oprah Winfrey?

Was it Churchill who said a lie could be busily organising a two-way link up with the Harpo studios while truth was still trying to compose a stiffly worded letter to the Ham & High? Possibly.

We're just having a bit of trouble making sense of something Madonna told Oprah in today's interview. According to the the Oprah Website, her critics "don't understand" the Malawian adoption process:

Madonna says that her critics don't really understand how the Malawian adoption process works if they believe she used status to speed up the process of adopting David. "I assure you it doesn't matter who you are or how much money you have, nothing goes fast in Africa," Madonna says. "There are no adoption laws in Malawi. And I was warned by my social worker that because there were no known laws in Malawi, they were more or less going to have to make them up as we went along. And she did say to me, 'Pick Ethiopia. Go to Kenya. Don't go to Malawi because you're just going to get a hard time.'"

There are no adoption laws in Malawi? This might come as news to the US State department, who as recently as April 2006 updated their page on Malawian adoption with the following ("based on public sources and our current understanding"):

ELIGIBILITY REQUIREMENTS FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS: Prospective adoptive parents must be at least 25 years old and at least 21 years older than the child. Both married and single persons may adopt. However, single men may not adopt female children unless the court is satisfied that there are special circumstances, justifying an exception.

RESIDENCY REQUIREMENTS: Adoptive parents must be resident in Malawi to adopt.

TIME FRAME: Malawian law requires a lengthy pre-adoption foster care period (at least two years).

Added to which, Malawi is also a signatory to the African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of the Child, which creates a legal framework in which the nation's adoption law is applied - part of which stresses that inter-country adoption should only be considered as a "last resort".

It might be that Madonna's adoption of David is totally acceptable within the interpretations of these laws. It could be that Madonna was totally unaware of their existence. But it all looks murkier and murkier the more she attempts to pretend everything's been done by the (to her mind) non-existent book.

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And people think she's just a pair of hits...

Excellent news: Dolly Parton is coming to Europe for her first tour on this side of the Atlantic since the days of Abba and punk.

She'll be in the UK during March and then doing other bits - Germany, perhaps. Maybe even Rolovonia - following on from that.

music dolly parton

Living in the reel world

Coming soon from Hollywood: A Debbie Harry biopic. A proper one, rather than a low-budget TV movie one. Apparently Kirsten Dunst is being lined up for the title role, which may prove to be one of the more questionable casting decisions of our age.

music debbie harry blondie kirsten dunst

AllofMP3 stripped bare

The dubious and beleagured AllofMP3 may or may not be upset to discover that a shadowy organisation - MusicForMe - has cracked the DRM they've been putting on their 'free' service.

The cynics amongst you may wonder if it doesn't help AllofMP3's business for there to be a device which allows users to scoop up the music off their site - after all, they'll still make the advertising money while the tunes are hoovered up, and if some third party has made it easier for visitors to pinch the music, then that might make it easier to tempt people to try their service.

But, of course, that would be too cynical.

Meanwhile, a US company is - perhaps bravely - about to start licensing its code for reverse-engineering the Apple DRM. Although quite how Double Twist expects companies who pay it to effectively steal another company's intellectual property to not simply turn round and reverse engineer it for themselves, and if it would have any legal redress if it did, isn't clear.

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The gap between headline and story

The headline:

My Chemical Romance get Madonna's help

The story:

How did My Chemical Romance get Liza Minelli onto their album?

Singer Gerard Way said: "We have discussed a woman forever but then I eventually I just did the woman's voice. I was like, 'It just seems like such a cop out.'

"He (Cavallo) said: 'Well, who do you want to get?' and I was like 'We should get Liza Minnelli. Why not?'

"(Cavallo) called Liz Rosenberg, who is her publicist, and got her to do it."

So... how, exactly, was Madonna involved? Admittedly, Rozenberg is also Madonna's publicist, but since she was working on Minelli's behalf, and was contacted by Rob Cavallo, Madonna has more to do with her "adopted son" than Minelli's appearance on a My Chemical Romance album.

music my chemical romance liza minelli madonna

Pete: It wasn't my fought

Pete Doherty denies he started the fist fight with the photographer in Rome: he reckons it was the it was the photographer's actions which precipitated the fracas:

A spokesperson for Doherty released a statement saying: "Pete Doherty totally denies that he instigated a fight with a photographer in Rome.

"Reports that the photographer might make an official complaint will certainly interest Pete's lawyers, who can call on witnesses who clearly saw Pete being hit with a camera outside his hotel."

The idea of a photographer using his camera as a weapon seems somewhat unlikely - they generally treat their cameras as more precious than a baby with an especially wobbly head - although it may, of course, have been an accidental knock.

music pete doherty babyshambles

Guardian Media takes it radio mainstream

Some interesting tweaking going on at the Guardian's radio operations. The cheese-tastic Q96 in Scotland is reworking itself into a classic rock station Rock Radio ("the country's first", apparently) while Smooth has asked Ofcom if it can stop being "a jazz, blues and R'n'B station" and become "easy-listening" for the over-50s instead.

Those of you whose memories are unclouded by doing sex and drinking liquid drugs will recall that Smooth used to be Jazz FM until it changed its name; this represents a final stage in hurling off the very music which won it its licence in the first place.

music rock radio jazz fm

Guardian Media takes it radio mainstream

Some interesting tweaking going on at the Guardian's radio operations. The cheese-tastic Q96 in Scotland is reworking itself into a classic rock station Rock Radio ("the country's first", apparently) while Smooth has asked Ofcom if it can stop being "a jazz, blues and R'n'B station" and become "easy-listening" for the over-50s instead.

Those of you whose memories are unclouded by doing sex and drinking liquid drugs will recall that Smooth used to be Jazz FM until it changed its name; this represents a final stage in hurling off the very music which won it its licence in the first place.

music rock radio jazz fm