No Rock And Roll Fun

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Darkness at 3AM: Even they lose interest

The 3AM Girls also went to the GQ awards and have Mani's "joke", but we suspect their hearts might not have actually been in it.

UPDATE: And I just notice that they reckon it was Gillespie, not Mani - but if there's something Gordon Smart is good on, it's identifying blokey rock blokes.

Gordon in the morning: Terror!

The photo is, unmistakably, of Lily Allen. The headline is unequivocal:

Lily Allen's kidnap terror

Blimey - what has been happening overnight, then?

It turns out it wasn't actually her terror, or her kidnap, but the kidnap of a friend. About six weeks ago. And most of Gordon's story underneath is not about kidnap - of Allen or her acquaintances - but, erm, about the GQ Awards. A glittering affair, it seems:

[M]y quote of the night goes to PRIMAL SCREAM star MANI.

Collecting the Band Of The Year gong from ELLE MACPHERSON, he said: “Fucking hell, a giraffe in a dress. Nice one.”

And, yes, alongside Elton John's "Amy Winehouse can't be with us, but we must crack on" gag, "ooh there's a tall woman" probably did sound like sparkling wit.

Still, I'm sure GQ will be delighted that their expensive awards bash has generated, erm, acres of coverage about Lily Allen's mate being kidnapped.

Elsewhere, Kate Moss has had a small anchor tattooed on her wrist:

I’m not sure what it’s supposed to symbolise – maybe it’s because she has spent the summer sunning herself on boats.

Or maybe it’s some sort of rhyming slang for ex PETE DOHERTY.

Yes. Maybe it is. I know when I've had a public, painful break-up, my first thought is "how can I scar myself in a random way to remember him by?"

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Great White offer settlement

Great White have offered a settlement of $1 million to survivors and relatives of victims caught in the nightclub fire in February 2003.

[Part of Rhode Island nightclub fire coverage]

Lohan: Palin pregnancy a distraction

Lindsay Lohan has taken to her blog to air her worry that press obsession with Bristol Palin's pregnancy is taking attention from what's really important: Lindsay Lohan. Sorry, "the issues":

"Well, I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place," Lohan wrote. "It's distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.

She continued, "I am concerned with the fact that Sarah Palin brought the attention to her daughter's pregnancy, rather than all world issues and what she believes she could possibly do to change them — if elected. I get Sarah Palin's views against abortion, but I would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what."

Lohan, of course, is known for her focus on public policy - hence her nickname Lindsay 'Medicare this, surge that' Lohan - and, I guess, it's this concentration on policy detail that has led her to get confused and apparently believe that Palin clambered onto a stage and bellowed "my daughter doesn't seem to offer my hope that my desperate belief in abstinence will work".

Still, let's hope Palin will heed Lohan's call and start to focus on the important questions, like, when will these Alaskans get off the gossip pages and leave them to those who work for it?

Manda Record

Next Monday - you might want to put this into some sort of computer based diary - the Daily Record is streaming the My DNA, Manda Rin's debut solo album.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it has to do with An-ar-cheeee

Once again, John Lydon takes time to give his side of the claims that his entourage had a pop at Kele Okereke:

“He's talking nonsense, right. Bloc Party! What, you can't sell a record, so you need to try and tarnish my name? You mugs. I've done more for this world than that bunch of fucking losers could ever hope to offer. All right? But for me, bands like that really wouldn't be existing. All right? Respect is Johnny Rotten's motto, but for that lot: none.”

Lydon doesn't actually list exactly what he's done for the world - clearly, helping Dairy Crest sell Country Life butter will be part of it, but this particular gift has yet to be formally unwrapped. Public Image were wonderful, but we suspect that might not constitute a gift to the general populace.

It's also quite revealing that Lydon assumes that the motivation for the telling of the tale is simply to sell records - as ever, he assumes that everything's about the deal.

As the Times buys him lunch, he trots through the same old, same old - but things turn nasty when Andrew Billen tries to get a point clarified:

When I gently check if he is referencing David or Dickie Attenborough, he turns nasty.

“You're playing games. There you are. Caught you! Gotcha!” He had lost me, I promise. “I'm going lose you very quickly. I've been nice enough to come here and talk to you, don't you fucking ever try and mug me off.”

Ah, yes - how sweet of Lydon to make time in busy schedule to promote his DVD and eat Rupert Murdoch's puddings.

There's then an attempt to strong arm Billen:

I ask for the bill. Rambo shoulders his way towards me. “Don't fuck us over. OK? Don't. We don't like it.” Frankly, the bill is scarier.

This at the end of an interview where Lydon attempts to claim he doesn't preach and that his mantra is respect. It's like a little pool of delusion, where only Lydon is trustworthy and everyone else is out to get him. Perhaps everyone else is wrong. Or at least if we tell him we believe that, he might go away.

At least until the next DVD he's flogging.

Q loves Coldplay - true

Tucked into a piece about Bauer in yesterday's MediaGuardian was a passing reference to some sort of "overhaul" planned for Q.

Not clear if this is going to involve a sudden change of musical direction, but if it is, it can't come a moment too soon, to judge by the nominations for the Q Music Awards ("sponsored by some sort of drink"):

BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST –
Duffy
Adele
Santogold
Bon Iver
Gabriella Cilmi

Much as we like Bon Iver, in what way are they considered to have broken through? Broken through what? In fact, why don't they just call this the best new act?

Oh... hang on...

BEST NEW ACT -
Fleet Foxes
Glasvegas
The Ting Tings
The Last Shadow Puppets
Vampire Weekend

Haven't the Ting Tings broken through more solidly than any of the breakthrough acts? Can you break and be new at the same time?

BEST TRACK -
Keane – Spiralling
Duffy – Mercy
Coldplay - Violet Hill
Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl
The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name

Katy Perry? Since, presumably, that's an attempt to prove that they're not all stuffy and old. Because it's the sort of track you'd choose if you were a bit stuffy trying to prove you weren't.

BEST VIDEO -
Hot Chip - Ready To The Floor
Coldplay - Violet Hill
The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name
Vampire Weekend - A-Punk
Goldfrapp - Happiness

I imagine this has something to do with the Q TV playlist.

BEST LIVE ACT -
Kaiser Chiefs
Kings Of Leon
Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds
The Verve
Rage Against The Machine

Rage Against The Machine? Rage Against The Machine?

BEST ALBUM (sponsored by Nixon) -
Coldplay - Viva La Vida Or Death; And All His Friends
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
The Last Shadow Puppets - The Age Of The Understatement
Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
Nick Cave And The Band Seeds - Dig!!! Lazarus, Dig!!!

The couple of solid choices here are fatally undermined when you remember they're being measured against Coldplay's album.

BEST ACT IN THE WORLD TODAY (Sponsored by Russian Standard Vodka) –
Coldplay
Oasis
Muse
Metallica
Kings Of Leon

Kings Of Leon's presence on this list is going to form the basis for a remake of Cool Runnings.

London's lucky Breeders

They're playing a proper gig tomorrow, but tonight, for free, The Breeders are doing a warm-up in London, in the Rough Trade East store. Stage time is 7.30, but we reckon to be sure of getting a space in the crowd, you'll want to be out flagging down a taxi about now.

Noel Gallagher joins the blogopolis

Is Noel Gallagher really writing his own US tour blog, or is it someone from the Oasis organisation trying to make him look good?

Woke up to a beautiful sunny day today in Edmonton. Didn’t get nearly enough kip though. This jet-lag’s a fucker. There seems to be a wedding party milling around the bar in the hotel so a couple of us jib outside to the terrace for tea and cigarettes. We’re discussing another player (who we’ve never heard of) who’s just signed for City (he’s an Argentinian. I predict fireworks!) Some old lady approaches us to ask if we’d mind doing a “quick picture” with the bride and groom! “Erm..no, I don’t think so” (who do they think we are? Robbie Williams?) “Oh, go on, the bride will be heartbroken”. “Good”, I think to myself and off we go to the venue.

Clearly, then, it's not a PR stunt. Unless they really do think that everyone loves a self-absorbed tosser who treats his biggest fans like hunks of shit, even on their wedding days.

What is a bit of a shame, though, is that Ryan Adams is also blogging the tour - he's doing the 'support' slots (much as a slim steel frame supports a much larger building) and had been doing a half-decent job of making Noel and Liam sound quite pleasant people to be around. Maybe he's not asking for photographs.

After Pete Doherty's hat, there's a second day of plane-related trauma as Noel loses a bag in transit:

No major drama though except one of my bags hasn't made it. THE BASTARD. Please don't let me suffer the indignity of shopping for undies on the morning of the gig the person who serves me is bound to be a fan!

Oh, how terrible to be so popular you can't buy pants without a fan serving you.

And if you keep telling mothers of the brides to get lost, it's not going to be long before you'll not have to worry... at all... cab for Mr Gallagher... out west, actually... he might need a horse... horseback... bareback... going, going...

Darkness at 3AM: Ooh, now you're dressing classy, huh

Once again, you have to carve a sliver of sympathy for Britney Spears. Last year, the poor woman couldn't struggle her way out of a car without the world's press tutting and saying you could see her pants. Or no pants.

Now, she's started dressing a little more sedately - so here's the 3AM Girls to give her shit for that, as well:

Is Britney Spears serious? She certainly looks it in this dowdy frock that makes her more like a librarian than raunchy pop star.

We bet she was even wearing knickers. But while her family troubles are well known, being seen in such a mumsy outfit in a Las Vegas hotel won't help.

(Does that last line make any sense at all, or was it mere gratuitous spite?)

We're not quite sure what Britney is supposed to do when not wearing knickers is bad, and wearing knickers is bad. Perhaps the papers are hoping she'll adopt the compromise crotchless panties option?

Gordon in the morning: Religion and the Ritchies

Gordon is surprised to discover that the "illness" which caused Amy to pull out of that French festival was because she was in a state of Buddhist enlightenment. Luckily, there's a "source" to explain:

“Amy has also been watching the interview clip of TINA TURNER chanting on YouTube and she reckons it’s already affecting her in a positive way."

Who knew that watching a video of someone chanting on YouTube could wipe out the effects of the two overdoses Gordon's pages were reporting yesterday. She was a drug-ruined, borderline schizophrenic, so thin that doctors were afraid she could drop down dead. Now, watching a couple of videos, and in Gordon's words:

Amy's feeling much Buddha

There seems to be some concern that Winehouse's alleged discovery of Buddhism might confuse Gordon's readers, in a "is that the one with Ramadan" type of manner. Luckily, Gordon is on hand to put the beliefs into context:

Other fans of Buddhism include PETE DOHERTY, KATE MOSS, COURTNEY LOVE, PARIS HILTON and BRITNEY SPEARS.

It's not known if this "fan of Buddhism" status extends to a deep commitment, like adding "I am a fan of Buddha" to their Facebook profiles. An earlier draft, where Gordon actually listed the hundreds of millions of other fans of Buddhism, had to be edited down for space.

Still, at least Gordon doesn't manage to be too offensive as he edges into the religious... oh, hang on:

Here we’ve mocked up Wino as a Buddha figure to celebrate her spiritual awakening.

It's not like Gordon doesn't understand investing your life following a charismatic figure. He's all over Guy Ritchie again this morning:

Guy reckons his wife wouldn’t tell him even if she hated the film, but he’s got nothing to worry about. I saw it first last month and it is a corker.

This is the second time that he's taken space to praise Rock N Rolla at some length. Here, we've mocked up Gordo as a Ritchie-worshiping figure to celebrate his good work promoting the movie.

Monday, September 01, 2008

So, how has the 'no iTunes' policy worked, then?

Inspired by Kid Rock's success, his label decided - bemusingly - to pull Estelle's six month old album from Apple, too.

How did that work out, then?

Estelle's single plunged 26 places on the Billboard chart.

But the album - did that benefit?

Not really - that tanked over 100 places down the album chart.

Another smart move by the music industry, then. Well done, guys.

They've lost their Virginity, but still have the box it came in

So, you'll have been wondering what bright idea The Times Of India, new owners of Virgin Radio, would come up for the enforced rebrand of their radio network.

Something sharp, memorable, and distinctive, you'd assume.

Wrongly, as it turns out: they've gone with Absolute.

Yes, it's a weak, meaningless bubble of a name, but there is an upside:

The decision was made more convenient by the fact that the company already owns the Absolute trademark and web domain name.

Why bother going to all that time and expense when they've already got a URL they could just shove the whole lot underneath. It should be pointed out, though, they only own absolute.co.uk - which is already forwarding on to the Virgin Radio site - but not absolute.com.

There's a new logo, too - yes, they really have gone with the 'fast forward button' idea. It's not clear which sixth form college communication studies class came up with this classy rebrand, but lets hope they can make up the loss ground on the coursework when they come to do the exams.

The other plan announced today is a cost-cutting move to share programming over the Virgin - sorry, Absolute - digital channels. They've attempted to spin this:

The company's two digital stations - Virgin Radio Xtreme and Virgin Radio Classic Rock - will rebrand to Absolute Xtreme and Absolute Classic Rock. In addition, both digital stations will now carry the main national AM station's breakfast and drive-time shows.

In addition, new Absolute Classic Rock and Absolute Xtreme shows will be hosted on the main station.

[Chief executive Donnach] Dickens said: "DAB is a big driver for us going forward and we have to put great live content on DAB. Our two digital stations are effectively like +1 TV channels and, by sharing key talent and programmes, it allows us to cross promote the digital channels on the main station, like TV channels already do."

In what way, exactly, are what were originally specialist niche stations like a TV channel broadcasting the same programming an hour later? And couldn't the networks cross-promote each other without large chunks of the programmes being the same? Indeed, isn't there more value in saying "over on Vir... Absolute Classic now, something different" rather than "you can hear this programme on two other networks, for some reason..."?

King, Crue

The mighty long way down rock and roll, it seems, no longer has any bottom. Motley Crue hang out with Larry King.

Not the hat! Not my beautiful hat!

Pete Doherty - he's only human. Sometimes he cries. Admittedly over his hat, but still, it's tears:

‘I informed British Airways of my late arrival. I told them I was a kind of minor celebrity and I might get a bit of hassle at the airport.

'Turns out they are complete arseholes. Even when I fell over and badly creased my hat, I had no assistance.'

‘I was crying but I didn't want them to see.'

What's most telling, of course, is that assumption that his "kind of minor celebrity status" means he thinks he can turn up late for planes and expect special treatment. Does he even count as a minor celebrity any more, though? Or does his reign officially not end until Kate Moss moves on again and he loses his status as 'most recent ex'?

Still, happy to offer some advice to Pete: if you're going to be unable to avoid falling on your hat, why not consider swapping to a panama? They take that sort of scuffle more forgivingly.

[Thanks to Michael M]

Goteki ask will you take us back?

Ross Tregenza and Alastair Power have reactivated Goteki after realising that Lamorna actually sounded like Goteki anyway so they might as well save on the domain names to register, or something. There's to be a new EP this winter.

This is what you've been missing - although they're not sure they can persuade the bouncing fist to rejoin them:

Shhh... it's a rollout

Universal catalogue has quietly appeared in 7Digital's European download stores, without any DRM encumbrance and a healthy 320kbps. The deal for the tracks to appear was announced back in March, but there's been no trumpeting about their arrival. We wouldn't have known if Hypebot hadn't mentioned it.

JK and Go-el

About a year after landing at Virgin, JK and Joel are moving on:

The Virgin Radio chief operating officer, Clive Dickens, said the pair - real names Jason King and Joel Ross - were leaving "to do yet more TV".

Is it just me, or does that sound laced with sarcasm, given that their TV work to date hasn't exactly sent IMDB scrabbling about to increase server capacity - Hider In The House, kids TV vaguely unsettling 'can you hide an adult in your bedroom' gameshow; Sing It Back's ITV karaoke one-off; an episode of Loose Women and - for one of them - a spot of B-List sweating for The Games. Yet more TV, eh? You can see why they need the space for that.

Darkness at 3AM: I'll have cake

The 3AM Girls struggle with the concept of news:

At Dannii Minogue's recent house party was a giant stack of brightly coloured cupcakes.

But wait - there's more.

We're told all the guests, including big sis Kylie, were getting stuck in.

Person has cake at party - cakes eaten. Seriously, there's going to be firings at the FT that they missed breaking this story.

I know what you're thinking, though - the Daily Mirror wouldn't publish a story like this, not really, unless there was a real news angle. And, indeed, there is:

"They got icing all over their faces."

The 3AM Girls can't even be arsed to throw a "said a pal", or an "according to a shocked onlooker..." here. At the moment, it's unclear if the guests required hospitalisation for this face-covering of sugar, or if they merely wiped their chops with a napkin. We're waiting for CNN on this.

Naturally, though, you turn to the Mirror not just for this quality of reporting, but also the searing insight that the paper's commentary team can provide. The 3AM Girls don't let us down:

Sounds like our kind of party.

Really? The 3AM column's idea of a great party is mildly messy cake eating? We hear there's a kid called Charlie Spaniels who's having a party in McDonalds in Daventry today - you should get yourself there, 3AM. Not just cake - we're given to understand there was ice cream being spoken about as a serious possibility, too.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read and listen to on the internet

Wired's Listening Post celebrates the Che Cafe scene:

Local music communities like these prefigured today's social networks, according to Rothenberg. "My thesis is that rock 'n' roll scenes were the social networks, before the internet, for teenagers," he told us in an East Village bar in Manhattan. "What we hit upon doing this Che Underground site is putting that back together in a digital medium. People have really responded to it -- everybody who was anybody in that little circle has jumped on there."

And enjoy the music being curated by the Che Underground blog.

Gordon in the morning: Overplayed overdoses

Today's Bizarre online leads with a big splash trumpeting:

Truth of Amy's TWO overdoses

Oddly, given the space online dedicated to this story - bylined Virgina Wheeler - it doesn't make the print version of Bizarre and seems to be nowhere near the front of the paper, either. (The headline today is that the paper has helped nab a bloke who was trying to sell "sexy" snaps of William and Kate. These were pictures taken of them on holiday; frustratingly for the Sun, they were on a stolen camera and so the paper has had to do one of its 'how good are we, not getting involved' stories.

So, why the shyness over the Amy Overdose story - perhaps because it's really weak - sourced to a "pal" who somehow also seems to be a psychiatric expert:

“She is in need of years of psychiatry and medical treatment if she has a hope.”

And it's not really anything surprising or new. The surprise is not how downplayed the tale is in the paper, but how prominent it is online. It's almost like the Sun is just invading her privacy on this occasion to try and keep the right of way open.

Meanwhile, Bizarre proper is marked by a spot of lame photoshoppery inspired by the possibility of Russell Crowe playing Doctor Watson. Actually, I say photoshoppery - it's more like they've got Crowe to sit in one of those photobooths that superimposes cartoon hats and moutstaches on your face. It truly is a sight to see.

A lift gift from your UNKLE

For downloading, and then unzipping, and then playing:

The Innervisions Orchestra of Hold My Hand

Why are they being so generous? Because next Monday, they're releasing Remix Stories (Volume One), and this is meant to tempt you.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Experimentalobit: Adam Nodelman

Sunburned Hand Of Man's Adam Nobelman died suddenly and unexpectedly on Monday this week.

The Hand - who count Julian Cope as a fan - formed in 1997 from the collapsing parts of Shit Spangled Banner and, over the last decade, have seen many members come and go, with Nobelman joining relatively lately - in 2005, after a circuitous route through other groups that took in Motherhead Bug and Crash Worship. He combined his time in Hand with playing for Franklins Mint and Shitsweat - "the pioneer valley assault band".

There are plans for three memorials in the places where Adam worked as a musician - New York, Woodstock and Massachusetts - and the band are appealing for photos and video of Adam on stage - email them to sunburnedhand@gmail.com if you have any.

Adam, who was 43, is survived by a wife and three daughters.

Sorry, sorry, sorry

It's not just Neil Diamond apologising to his audience; Emmy The Great also said sorry to fans at the Leeds Festival:

apologies to anyone at the leeds show on friday. i went to sleep in london, woke up in leeds and forgot all the words. it's cool though cause everybody knows our songs are all about the killer beats. fortunate for those who weren't there, the bbc were recording our stage on friday, so if you want to hear some of those alternative lyrics, liberally peppered with um and fuck, you should be able to soon.

Of course, people who hadn't had the pleasure of Emmy The Great before might have just assumed that she was a two-legged cuss machine.

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet

The Christian Science Monitor asks what the future holds for music criticism as a profession:

Professional critics say they add particular value: cultural and musical context. For instance, a buzz band such as The Kooks might sound like innovators to an 18-year-old. A seasoned critic can point out that only a few chords, and a few vowels, separate The Kooks from The Kinks.

Music writers say that newspapers still have a role to play in reaching out to people in their 40s who are curious about their world – and what their teens are listening to.

But the future is still online, where a younger generation clusters around music blogs such as Stereogum and Brooklyn Vegan and discovers artists such as Colbie Caillat, Ingrid Michaelson, and Sara Bareilles through MySpace rather than radio or reviews.

X Factor ex-Aitken protege

After last week's man who didn't know his birth family (in a kind of way), this week, it's someone who fulfills the X Factor rules of not having a management contract. Albeit only because Laura White's five year deal with Mike Aitken has expired. Oh, and she was on the little-watched E4 Performing Arts School X Factor lite last year.

If she doesn't win this, there's every chance she's going to appear on the next round of whatever musical they're casting for on the BBC next year.

Gorki Aguila: Too noisy, not a threat

The global attention, I suspect, might have helped here: the Cuban prosecutors targeting Gorki Aguila have dropped charges of social dangerousness; however, they did still force him to face trial on a face saving charge related to "playing music too loud", for which he's been fined fifteen quid.

Amon Duul II Weekend: Surrounded By Stars

We're certainly reaching out into the more obscure corners of embeddable video players this weekend. This is a 1975 Amon Duul II performance, of Surrounded By Stars:

[The embed seems slightly flaky - in case, here's a direct link]

[Part of Amon Duul II weekend]

Someone you've never heard of is friends with Gary Glitter

The News of the World wants us to be angry and outraged at Gary Glitter's famous friend:

Look who's in Gary Glitter's gang
Pervert's hairdresser pal, vice madam and aunt who sold her niece for sex

Blimey - it's not Vidal, is it? Or Lee Stafford? Or even that bloke off the Salon?

Millionaire hairdresser Gordon Buchanan, wearing a red and white bandana and baring comedy false teeth, sits on the back of Glitter’s scooter before a trip to the seaside.

Millionaire who? Gordon Buchanan? Does the News of the World really think we know who he is?

Even Google doesn't know who he is - most of the search results for his name return the wildlife photographer; the first result for the hairdresser is #18 - for the Screws own story. He's even trumped by a Gordon Buchanan who runs a garden centre in Trovit. Then, at #25, there's another appearance - in pretty much the same story which appeared in, erm, Yesterday's Mirror. Indeed, aside from the current stories about Glitter, there's no reference to Buchanan in the first 100 search results. So why is the NOTW writing about him like he's a public figure?