Wednesday, April 08, 2009

iTunes launches variable prices, up to a point

Apple have launched the new, record company pleasing 'tiered pricing' levels to iTunes in the US. It's not all bad, of course, because as well as ramping some prices up to $1-29, other downloads were going to be cut to just 69 cents.

You win some, you lose some.

The trouble is Richard Menta has been looking, and he can't seem to find any of these cheaper downloads:

Do you want to download Heart's 34-year old Barracuda? That will now cost you $1.29. Of course, to some Baby Boomers that song serves as a mini national anthem to the 1970's so it may not be the best example. Maybe, I should look at not just at older music, but music that is less popular too.

So I next checked iTunes for the Katydids wonderful 1991 album Shangri-La. That album was not a big success and hit the bargin bins early on. It has been out-of-print on CD for over a decade, but it is on iTunes. Surly, those tracks had to be priced at $0.69! Nope, all were $0.99. All the tracks from late-80's college faves Camper Van Beethoven and the Lyres also stayed at $0.99.

Menta even found Apple punting tracks from Ada Jones, whose 1920 recordings are in the public domain, at 99 cents.

But he couldn't find anything at 69 cents. Not a thing.

Surely Apple wouldn't have told everyone an outrageous lie to try and make a price rise look like part of a more-friendly-sounding restructuring, would it? Would it? Why won't you look me in the eye, iPod?


PRS come to terms with Spotify

Rory Cellan-Jones is reporting via Twitter that the PRS says its made a royalty agreement with Spotify - but, crucially, not with YouTube.


Beatles: No explanation as to why

Hey, here's a funny coincidence - Paul McCartney and Ringo Aviva sharing a stage together just a couple of days before the announcement of another round of Beatles remasters. A crazy, crazy coincidence.

EMI and Apple Corps are very excited indeed:

London, England - April 7, 2009 - Apple Corps Ltd. and EMI Music are delighted to announce the release of the original Beatles catalogue, which has been digitally re-mastered for the first time, for worldwide CD release on Wednesday, September 9, 2009 (9-9-09), the same date as the release of the widely anticipated "The Beatles: Rock Band" video game. Each of the CDs is packaged with replicated original UK album art, including expanded booklets containing original and newly written liner notes and rare photos. For a limited period, each CD will also be embedded with a brief documentary film about the album. On the same date, two new Beatles boxed CD collections will also be released.

How does one embed a CD, however briefly? Do they mean that the first run of the CDs will also have a movie file on them?
The albums have been re-mastered by a dedicated team of engineers at EMI's Abbey Road Studios in London over a four year period utilising state of the art recording technology alongside vintage studio equipment, carefully maintaining the authenticity and integrity of the original analogue recordings. The result of this painstaking process is the highest fidelity the catalogue has seen since its original release.

Surely if they started this in 2005, the state of the art equipment they were using is now going to be as out of date as John Lennon's driving licence? Is that why it's taken so long, then - every time they just got finished, they discovered that technology had improved and had to start all over again?

Let's not even start to unpick how you can digitally remaster something as if it was the original analogue version. Frankly, the only people who are interested in rebuying the Beatles records are going to be at a stage in life where their hearing would probably not notice if the tracks on the new CDs were recorded off a poorly-tuned-in FM radio onto an elderly and slightly stretched C90 tape.
This will mark the first time that the first four Beatles albums will be available in stereo in their entirety on compact disc.

No, really. EMI & Apple simply haven't bothered before.
Within each CD's new packaging, booklets include detailed historical notes along with informative recording notes. With the exception of the 'Past Masters' set, newly produced mini-documentaries on the making of each album, directed by Bob Smeaton, are included as QuickTime files on each album. The documentaries contain archival footage, rare photographs and never-before-heard studio chat from The Beatles, offering a unique and very personal insight into the studio atmosphere.

I suppose the choice of Apple's video format might have been a wry joke on the part of the project team.

It's hard to believe that there's any useful Beatles studio chat that hasn't already been exposed to the public ear, so god alone knows what they'll be dredging up for these.
A second boxed set has been created with the collector in mind.

Because, of course, 'buying all the Beatles albums on CD - again' isn't a collector impulse in its own right. There is a large market of people, I'm sure, who don't already own all the tracks in sixteen manifestations who have just been waiting forty years for a digitally remastered edition to make the commitment.

Still, digital remastering; computer games. It might have taken decades to get to this point, but at least Apple Corps is catching up with the times, right?
Discussions regarding the digital distribution of the catalogue will continue. There is no further information available at this time.

Oh. Sometime mid-2015 for the Limited Edition Zune, then?


Nitzer Ebb album on hold

Nitzer Ebb are meant to be out promoting the new album - but they've hit a cashflow problem:

While the band completed the new release for quite some time, including artwork, the release has been postponed due to what the band calls "the financial situation" which "has slowed things down in many regards". If the band doesn't find a satisfactory [financial] solution with a label partner they'll self-release the material on their own label, "but again, that takes time, (and money), to set up properly" the band says.

If I were the Ebb, I wouldn't waste time fannying about with labels, and go straight to the self-financing route. After all, if everything's ready to go, why bring in someone else to take a massive slice of the revenue simply to do the distribution?


Please Rain Fall - please send stuff

If you must have a revolution, do it for fun.

Meet Please Rain Fall records, a new label which is probably closer to those flexi-and-fanzine labels of the 80s than anything else.

There's an ethos:

Please Rain Fall Records
Please Rain Fall Records is a CDR record label. But it is a little bit different. There is no charge for any of the releases. You will not see any paypal buttons or requests for credit card details. Just e-mail me with your address etc. and I will send you a copy of the CD. In return, you then send something back to me. This could be a mixtape, a drawing, a story, a picture.. anything really. Be creative. The label is an attempt to build a community of like-minded souls. You never know, we might have some fun along the way.

It won't impress Paul McGuiness, of course, in terms of its plans for marketing pushes into the Latin American market, or the five-year-growth piecharts. And PRF's Stephen is probably never going to make it onto the cover of Forbes. But don't let anyone tell you there aren't 'business' models for digital distribution - it's just sometimes the business might not measure its success in pounds and euro.


Twittergem: Bob Lefsetz

Just joining Twitter is Bob Lefsetz, with what presumably is the Lefsetz 140 letters:

Prince #1 with 185,000 units. Big box paradigm rules! (U2 still not platinum, 36,000 this week, hasn't even broken 800,000).

Its worth pointing out in 11 hours, he's already picked up over 500 followers.

[@Lefsetz]


Gordon in the morning: The bank holiday has arrived early

What a pity that whole Marital Understanding scam failed, eh? If Heather Mills had given the tabloids something interesting, perhaps today Gordon wouldn't be reduced to leading online with this:

Oh, tatt’s Sarah from Girls Aloud

In the paper, this is just a small, bitty story tucked in the corner of the page. Online - despite having a prominent position - it's still just a small, bitty story. Although 'story' might be pushing it:
I HOPE SARAH HARDING thought long and hard before she got this new tattoo.

The GIRLS ALOUD star has been inked with a large black design on her left forearm.

The tatt is a Tibetan script but the exact meaning of it remains a mystery.

Most tattoos are down to being drunk on holiday or for a special meaning.

Could Sarah’s translate as “Caner for life” or “Live for the weekend”?

Gordon goes on to ask his readers if they can "decipher" the tattoo. Even although the picture only shows about half the word.

It would be wrong for any fans of The Glums to email Gordon and claim the tattoo reads "I love suet pudding".

Elsewhere, Andrew White from the Kaiser Chiefs - you might remember them - has said something vaguely disparaging about Oasis, naturally generating the standard boilerplate coverage of anything vaguely fighty-Kaisers related:
I predict another Oasis riot

Naturally, Gordon can't be arsed to dig out a picture of White, and so Ricky Wilson's photo appears with the "war of words" caption on the piece. That's how Mussolini was dragged into the Second World War, you know.
[White] said: ?We have no time for him. Music is an art but he doesn?t appreciate music for what it is.?

I?m sure Noel will have something to say about that.

Oh, God, I'm sure he will, Gordon. But that doesn't mean we have to pay any attention to it, right?
Whitey?s comments to a Singapore newspaper are badly timed.

Oasis played there on Sunday and the Kaisers were playing last night.

There could have been an interesting clash in duty free.

If Oasis had been trapped in airport for three days, and were still in the duty free store, you might understand them being a bit fractious.

And returning to yesterday's Gordonage, the BBC News magazine monitor joins in the praise for Smart's restraint in not invading the privacy of Chris Martin's kids:
"The Coldplay frontman hates his kids having their picture taken, so I've left them off the page," writes Smart, who is clearly in a charitable mood.

But let's just revisit three words of that sentence again - "left them off". Hmmmm - sounds, how shall we say it, suspicious.

Sure enough, a quick visit to Gordon's column online reveals the un-Photoshopped picture with an identifiable Moses Martin in Mickey Mouse ears.

So there we have it - the new euphemism for Photoshopping: "Left off".

Extra kudos to the Magazine team for the phrase "Moses Martin in Mickey Mouse ears", which sounds like a skipping rhyme for the Heat generation.


Tuesday, April 07, 2009

U2 manager Paul McGuinness hails the French government

Paul McGuinness, manager of Dutch property company U2, turns up on Comment Is Free [in a piece translated from Le Figaro] to garland Sarkozy with praise for solving internet piracy.

Yes, yes, the French government has, actually:

An intense debate is raging over how to stop the erosion of creators' rights in an era swamped by free unauthorised music. It is a critical debate that I believe will shape the lives and the working conditions of creative professionals for years, even decades, to come.

"How to stop the erosion of creator's rights", no less. That's not exactly the debate anyone else is having, it's more about ensuring everyone gets a fair slice of the pie. But, hey, it's your spell in the sun; you frame the debate in whatever shape you choose, Paul.
France is leading the way on this issue, with its new "creation and internet" law, and where France goes, the rest of the world may follow.

France is leading the way? It turns out what Paul means is that France has flown further to the right than most nations, and its histrionic and unworkable response is exactly what he dreams of at night when he closes his eyes.

The indication is that most nations aren't going to follow France, and - indeed - France is trailing behind, adopting ideas that have already been examined and put down by other nations.
This is certainly not about the future of U2, the band I have managed for over 30 years.

He's U2's manager, you know. He manages U2.
But it is about the future of a new generation of artists who aspire to be the next U2 – and about the whole environment in which that aspiration can be made possible.

Good god, can you imagine setting out wanting to be U2? Don't bands even at least have a couple of years of hoping they can grow old without drifting into artistic irrelevance and self-parody any more?
I have followed this debate closely over the last two years, as a number of governments have woken up to the need to tackle the deep crisis facing their creative industries.

For a whole two years. You might have thought that McGuiness - who manages U2, you know - would have had his eye on the debate over a decade ago. But coming late to the party need be no excuse for not catching up, right?

By the way: crisis in creative industries? Or merely a structural shift brought on by a fundamental change to those industries?
The proposals tabled by President Sarkozy and Denis Olivennes in November 2007 gave France moral leadership in the debate, a position the country retains today. The creation and internet law is the right solution to an enormous problem. It is a fair and balanced solution, and I believe it will work in practice.

The proposals aren't exactly moral, though, are they - in fact, the European Parliament has passed a resolution stating the exact opposite, that it's immoral to use access to broadband connections as a way of 'punishing' alleged file sharers.

And even if he's only been watching the debate for two years, you'd have thought that McGuiness would have seen the recent reaction to a similar law in New Zealand, where the clear response was that it's not moral. (And that New Zealand got there first suggests that France can't even claim immoral leadership.)
There are a few simple reasons why the new law deserves strong support.

...in no particular order they include Bono needing a new hat, The Edge needing funds to launch an impersonation lawsuit against Pizza Hut for their The Edge pizza, and the rising cost of internet connections.
First, the crisis in our music community is real. A generation of artists, all over France, and further afield, are seeing their livelihoods destroyed, their career ambitions stolen.

Really?

Paul McGuinness is telling us that there are bands who would otherwise have careers who don't. A whole generation of artists. Is that true? Is that even provable?

And isn't there a counterargument that, while there are fewer large dinosaurs-in-waiting, the new, svelte music world allows small bands who would have struggled to get gigs outside their own county ten years ago are having bursts of success.
Investment that should help them build careers is draining out of the industry.

Sorry, you might have trouble hearing that over the hollow laughter of thousands upon thousand of bands who signed deals with labels in the past, only to discover they'd never make any money because they'd be dropped before they ever recouped.
This isn't just a shift in the business model from recorded to live music. It's a catastrophe for all the business models, old and new.

Eh? The new business models which are being developed to thrive in the new music world are being attacked by a catastrophe?

Had Paul McGuinness been around when the prehensile thumb first evolved, he'd have been sitting about complaining that not only was a tragedy for those who couldn't grip so good, but it also meant the end for hitch-hiking, thumbsucking and pinching, too.
It is a myth that artists can build long-term careers on live music alone.

No it isn't. Indeed, for most of the history of paid musicianship, artists did so. Many classical musicians build long-term careers on playing live, and always have done. You might not have the sort of career where you wind up with so much cash sloshing about in your pockets you can buy luxury hotels and massive ranches in LA. But you can make a decent living, and provide for your family. That's even if you decide not to make some recordings, too - something which is easier than ever now.
U2 will this year fill huge stadiums around the world, including two shows at Stade de France at a capacity of 93,000. That is because they have had parallel careers as recording artists and live performers since their inception 30 years ago.

He's U2's manager, you know. Did he mention that?

Perhaps the problem is that McGuinness has managed U2 for so long, he can't understand that you can make money doing things on a smaller scale. That you don't need to fill out the Stade De France - with all the increased outgoings that implies - to earn enough. Perhaps its like Tesco trying to understand how the bloke who runs a small tobacconist is able to provide shoes for his children without economies of scale to fall back on.
The world of music is rapidly changing, and new business models are developing fast...

No, no they're not. New business models are crawling - the ideas, and the technology is there, but new business models? They're barely developing, mainly due to the intransigence of the copyright industry. Napster appeared in June 1999. How long did it take the copyright holders to allow a business model for that sort of thing?
...but all of this progress is threatened in a world where 95% of music downloads see no reward going to the creator.

No it isn't. The development of useful tools like Last FM or Spotify or iTunes or Muxtape or YouTube isn't hampered at all by the question of rewards to the "creator". The problem is when copyright intermediaries attempt to set an idiotic rate of reward, closing a legitimate, well-intentioned service and encouraging the growth of unlicensed versions instead.

By the way, McGuiness means copyright holder when he talks about creators; it's so much easier to appeal to the masses if you picture a songwriter with a guitar and a head full of dreams rather than a person in a suit who is clutching a tightly-worded contract. Actually...
Critics who speak of the victims as "fat record and film companies" are evoking tired caricatures, which I don't believe the majority of people today accept – certainly not those who have recently spoken to an aspiring music professional, a film producer, a TV researcher or the owner of an independent music label.

What critics speak of "victims" as "fat"? It's very easy to kick down your opponent's stereotypes when, erm, they don't use them.

As an example: Paul McGuinness' supporters are totally wrong when they caricature those who disagree with them as giant space wasps intent on stealing the world's jam. It simply isn't true.

More seriously, if Paul McGuinness believes he's talking to someone who holds copyrights when he talks to TV researchers, he's either got a hugely romantic view of how TV works, or he might also believe people who want all artists rewarded at a fair rate rather than a few, favoured acts given supernormal sums are, in fact, giant wasps. From space.
You only have to look at the sharp fall in the share of new album releases accounted by French artists in the last four years to see the damage that is being done.

What? Not only does McGuinness decide to not bother illustrating this claim with any actual figures, he doesn't even bother to explain what figures he's alluding to. Share of what accounted for by French artists? Total albums worldwide?

And - let's assume he does have some figures - if there are proportionally fewer albums being released by French artists (in France?) that may or may not have anything to do with unlicensed file-sharing. It could be that there are more Anglophone acts being released by major labels - acts like, oooh... what's that Irish band called again? The one that Paul McGuinness manages? It could be that the French market wants fewer local acts.
There are clearly people who oppose the new law, but I have not heard of any viable economic alternative to the system now being introduced, committing ISPs to helping protect copyright.

Oh, it sounds so lovely when you put it like that, doesn't it? There are viable economic alternatives to making everyone with broadband accounts pay through their phonebills to protect the unsustainable old business models of companies who wish to try and apply vinyl logic to a digitally distributed world. And perhaps there would be other viable options if the music industry hadn't spent the last decade trying to protect the past in the face of an unstoppable present.

Work out a viable model. Accept you're not going to be able to milk people any more. That's your job.
The only other proposals offered look like solutions produced for the laboratory, not for the market place.

No, Paul. You really don't get it, do you? The scarcity value of recorded music has fallen; that is the reality of the market place. That's why you're cheering the French government for introducing a state control to try and stop the market price of music from imposing itself.
In fact, the appeal of the creation and internet law is its balance and proportionality. Far from repressing freedoms as some of its critics charge, the graduated response approach goes out of its way to be fair and to respect the rights of internet users.

A household in which a single member is accused of downloading three unlicensed tracks will be cut off from its connection to news, to information; to vital health data; blocked from communicating with friends overseas, and employers at home. It is fair in precisely the same way that walling up a family if a kid steals three times Sainsburys is fair.
A system of escalating warnings, with the ultimate deterrent of temporary internet disconnection for the wilful lawbreaker, is a transparent and proportionate way of influencing consumer behaviour. And it has absolutely nothing to do with a surveillance society.

An unlicensed download could, within 45 minutes, destroy London. There is no "ultimate deterrent", there is only one, punitive measure.

And private companies - a US media organisation, a Japanese electronics concern, the people who run German motorway service stations - having the power to disconnect entire households from the internet: how can that be fair?
This is also a dramatic improvement on the old, unworkable solution of mass lawsuits against individuals – a policy that was pursued by record companies in the past, and to which I was always strongly opposed.

Paul didn't like the idea of those lawsuits. He was going to use his position and influence to make speeches against the very idea but... well, there were designs for towers to be signed off, trouser-based lawsuits to pursue... he always meant to send a letter saying 'they won't work' before they didn't work... but you know how it is.
That is why, by engaging with and obliging ISPs to deal concretely with infringement on their networks, the French government has made such an enlightened step forward.

So lawsuits don't work - but why does it then follow that it's the ISPs duty to police your content for you? It's like the cops finding that they can't stop shoplifting, and so place the onus on the manufacturers of coats to find out what people are hiding in their pockets.
The internet needs the protection of sacred freedoms, yes – but, as in real life, it also needs rules, and ones that can be practically enforced. The answer doesn't lie in thousands of lawsuits. It does, I believe, lie in a sensible strategy whereby ISPs prohibit illegal use of their networks, and actually enforce those rules.

Those lawsuits are expensive and don't work - so let's pass those costs on to people with internet accounts instead. That way, when it still doesn't work, at least we won't have spent the money. And people will hate BT and Orange instead.
Another simple but crucially important judgement by the government has advanced this process – namely that ISPs were not going to offer this cooperation without being required to by law.

That's how you can tell it's a great idea. If you have to force people to do something under threat of legal punishment, that just goes to show how morally right it is.
That is not because ISP chiefs are bad people, it is because it is impossible to imagine any of them voluntarily conceding to steps that could put them at a commercial disadvantage to their competitors. Legislation to require a pan-industry solution was the right step, and a visionary one.

Hang about, though, Paul - a commercial disadvantage? Are you suggesting that this plan might not, actually, be a wonderful protection of everyone's rights, but instead reflect a massive cost to the ISPs (and, thus, their customers?)
It is clear some still have concerns, but in many cases these are being enormously exaggerated.

Yeah, it's not like you can't trust the record companies not to abuse their powers - after all, it's a good couple of years since they were found guilty of colluding to keep record prices artificially high, and then stuck to the letter but not the spirit of the deal they cut to put things right by sending a bunch of old unsaleable shit to libraries and schools across the US, isn't it? Or had to be sued to actually give their artists a fair share of money being made on CDs because for years they told the suckers it was an expensive, risky thing to release a CD so they couldn't give such a high royalty.
If we believe that artists' rights need respecting and that musicians deserve to be paid – as surveys show the vast majority of people do – then we should defend their rights in practice and not just in words.

Ah yes. Surveys. What do the surveys say the public feel about the idea of three strikes rules, Paul? Paul? Hello?
I believe a society that cares about creators' rights should not shy away from enforcing the law that protects them.

But didn't you just say you didn't agree with the RIAA when it enforced the laws that protected these "creators" rights? And isn't this about making up new laws to try and adjust the market value of recorded music?
The French government should be congratulated – it is proposing a law that is a workable solution to the problem of online piracy.

Except for anywhere else in the world.

Still, a round of applause for the French government in promoting the interests of data encyption and the creation of darknets.
It has brought together ISPs and content industries in a way that will effectively protect music and film rights, while respecting important consumer freedoms. There is a crucial lesson here for governments all over the world.

It's a pity that McGuinness couldn't share any way that telling everyone they must pay higher broadband bills to cover the costs of private media companies' copyright protection represents "important consumer freedoms", but let's just take him at trust, shall we?

Still, someone from the U2 organisation flattering a right-wing President and telling him that his flawed ideas are, actually, signs of genius. That's something you don't see every day.


How dumb would you have to be to get outsmarted by Heather Mills

Heather Mills was invited to speak a charity event for a group called Marital Understanding. Mills did some digging, and found that the charity didn't exist and the emails were coming from IP addresses which traced back to News International.

And then Heather placed a call.

Not only did the poor hapless woman on the other end of the phone have to deal with suddenly trying to explain why her US charity was sending emails from an account that appeared to be linked to a major UK newspaper - time stamped for London and all - but she also had to sit through Mills not quite knowing where to go with the call next and launching into a lecture on ethics.

Of course, it could all be a horrible misunderstanding - a Marital Misunderstanding, if you will - but the website of the "charity" has mysteriously disappeared.


U2: Choice of middle management layers everywhere

U2 are on the rim of launching a special mobile phone application. For, um, the Blackberry.

It's probably no surprise that Bono has embraced the device favoured by travelling salespeople; I bet he's one of those people who start clackety-clacking through their email in box as soon as the plane sniffs the terminal building. Why are you so urgently looking through your email? Can't it wait five minutes until you're actually off the plane? Is selling briquettes really so time-sensitive?

The other reason for U2 choosing Blackberry was - again, unsurprisingly - RIM were prepared to cover the costs:

"I'm very excited about this," Bono told [Toronto-based radio DJ Alan] Cross about the RIM deal. "Research In Motion is going to give us what Apple wouldn't — access to their labs and their people so we can do something really spectacular."

In other words: Apple wanted U2 to spend some of their millions making their own app; RIM offered to underwrite costs.

So the U2 world tour will be full of people clickety-clacking away on Blackberries. It'll be like being in a business class lounge at an airport. Only you won't even be able to ask them to turn the music down.


eMusic draws their price point

Given that record companies large and small have complained that eMusic is practically giving away their wares (or charging what the market will bear, in other words), nobody will be especially surprised that the company is pledging to not follow Apple above a dollar a track:

"While I am CEO, I promise that eMusic will never sell single MP3 downloads for more than 99 cents," assured company chairman and chief Danny Stein.

Although it's not clear quite what you can do if he does put the prices up - will we have the right to throw stuff at him or something?


TI - he's like a latter day Dostoevsky

Because his contract (or, possibly, need for some cash) forced TI to continue making his MTV reality series even while he was being measured up for a suit with arrows on, the rapper-turned-gunman was in a unique place to share his views on crime, and punishment and all that sort of stuff.

Share with us, TI:

"Some things in the past that I got involved with and got myself into just weren't worth my time; it didn't involve me," Tip explained. "If I'm here [he puts his hand above his head], and I'm involving myself with something down there [he puts his hand by his waist], it's just not worth my time. The energy and the effort and the thought and the time I put in it is useless."

Aha. So it's not that he shouldn't mess around with guns because it's wrong, or illegal, or anything old-fashioned like that. It's because it's a waste of his time.

It's not entirely clear why TI sees anything below waist-level as being a waste of time - perhaps he was just thinking of those long, lonely nights on Block D; or maybe he's just trying to not get involved in a massive paddy that Kanye West got to design some terrible sneakers.

The MTV series he's been making has been some poorly-thought-out attempt to teach being good to what we're apparently supposed to call "the Road To Redemption kids" - think The Mickey Mouse Gang if they'd been brought up the Beagle Boys instead.

What message, TI, do you want to give to those kids?
"In speaking to them and checking up on them and speaking to the people who are around them every day, I get the understanding that they're different people than they were before we did the show," T.I. said. "That they think about what they do before they do it. And even if they choose to do the wrong thing ... at least now, they have a conscience. Before they didn't even think about it. They didn't feel bad about it. At least now if they do something wrong, they feel something. I think it started something. It's not the end all, be all, but I think it inspired and promoted change, and I think that's what it was there to do."

TI is only one convicted felon, he can't be expected to do it all, can he? He can't pretend to have the end all, be all simply because MTV have given him a show about things.

At least the people throwing rocks through your windows now feel something when they do it. TI has done that. Before, they'd just feel cold and empty. And they'll think before they push over your nan and steal her shopping. If nothing else, TI has made sure that their crimes will not occur spontaneously, but after a period of reflection. We must all the thankful to TI.


Embed and breakfast man: The Joy Formidable

This is what the new Joy Formidable single looks and sounds like:



You can order a copy of it to own forever online here.

And you can go and look at them making their music and perhaps make a fool of yourself by pledging undying love forever here:

MAY 31st Liverpool Barfly
JUNE 1st Newcastle Academy 2
2nd York Fibbers
3rd The Royal Derby
5th Manchester Ruby Lounge
7th Birmingham Bar Academy
8th London Borderline
9th Cambridge Portland
10th Southampton Joiners Arms
11th Brighton Audio


Goldie's portmanteau career

Goldie has worn a lot of hats over the past few years. Alright, actually, he's mostly stuck to the same baseball cap, but it's the metaphorical hats we're interested in here.

Musician and actor, yes, but originally he was a graffiti artist - and it's that role that he's returning now. Not, you understand, in a 'all the work drying up reducing options' fashion at all. Oh no.

His exhibition, The Kids Are All Riot starts Good Friday at the Maverik Showroom in London (note the maverick spelling of maverik); there's a book available too.


Shiny new band: Cheap Red

I am indebted to All That Ever Mattered for the introduction to Cheap Red.

This is what they say about themselves:

CHEAP RED is the new band formed by Akina and Arland (formerly KANDA) and Stewart and Jen (formerly BOYRACER). Our debut DOUBLE cd will be available in May. 14 songs and 13 remixes. It's totally sweet. No BS, just TS.

I'm filing them under Inspirational Shamble Pop. I'm having to make a new card for that, you know.


Gordon in the morning: Fill in his blanks

Clearly, running with a long lens snap of Gary Lineker in his swimshorts and the headline on an Agyness Deyn story shows that Gordon is tired right now.

In their natural Agytat

So very, very tired.

So perhaps it's not surprising that Gordon is asking for help from his readers to slap a name on Deyn's friends:
But how to refer to the herd of TV folk, models, designers and pop stars? Readers, it’s up to you. Email biz@the-sun.co.uk with your ideas.

If you'd like to join in, you'd probably need to know who's in that herd:
Look carefully at the wee beasties in this street scene and you can spot a PIXIE GELDOF, a NICK GRIMSHAW, the Ag and a HENRY HOLLAND at play. There’s even a lesser-spotted REMI NICOLE lurking in the background.

Yes, he did just call Agyness "the Ag". So very, very tired.

I think Gordon might have overlooked that there's already a term which covers this group of people with little talent and no philosophy: "members of the public".

Elsewhere, Gordon runs a photo of Chris Martin at Disneyland under the headline:
Speed of sound, Chris?

Which makes no sense, as the picture is of him standing up and there's no reference to speed, or movement, or even riding, in the story underneath.

Gordon does point out what a good man he is:
Rock ’n’ roll stars are taking some time off too. CHRIS MARTIN has been treating his two nippers, APPLE and MOSES, to the ultimate childhood trip in Disneyland, LA. The COLDPLAY frontman hates his kids having their picture taken, so I’ve left them off the page.

How generous of Gordon. You wonder why Martin and Paltrow's kids get this treatment when everyone elses' are considered fair game - would it be too cynical to bet on there being some sort of letter on headed notepaper from a professional warning papers to lay off Apple and Moses on pain of privacy complaints to the PCC?

Still, it does mean that Gordon has run a photo of a man standing, apparently on his own, in a queue this morning. Quite a scoop.


Monday, April 06, 2009

Sony Awards: Freak Zone up for the cup

The Sony Radio Awards is one of the few meaningful awards ceremonies which manages to nominate surprising and deserving entrants most years.

So it's brilliant to see that Stuart Maconie's Freak Zone has been given a consideration for Specialist Music Show, especially in a year when it's had half an hour cut off its time to make room for Huey Fun Loving Criminal's show.

Although that gets a nomination, too, in best music show. Where - oh wonders of irony - he's up against Maconie and Radcliffe's Radcliffe And Maconie show. And then Radcliffe is fighting Maconie for Music Broadcaster Of The Year.

Shaun Keavney and Chris Moyles are both nominated for best breakfast, though: presumably the judges like to sleep in.

These are those nominations, in full, like:


THE MUSIC PROGRAMME AWARD

In: Demand - Key 103 for the Big City Network

The Huey Show - Wise Buddah Creative for BBC 6 Music

The Mark Radcliffe and Stuart Maconie Show - Smooth Operations for BBC Radio 2

Words and Music - BBC Radio Arts and Radio 3 for Radio 3

Zane Lowe - BBC Radio 1


THE SPECIALIST MUSIC PROGRAMME AWARD

Andi Durrant: The Warm Up – Distorted Productions & the Galaxy Network for the Galaxy Network

David Rodigan - Kiss Specialist Production Team for the Kiss Network

Friction - BBC Asian Network

Mic Check - Somethin' Else for the BBC Asian Network

Stuart Maconie's Freak Zone - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music


THE MUSIC RADIO PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR

Chris Evans – BBC Radio 2

Lauren Laverne - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music

Scott Mills - BBC Radio 1

Simon James & Hill – Kerrang! Radio

Zane Lowe - BBC Radio 1

THE MUSIC BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR

Alex James - Classic FM

David Rodigan - Kiss Specialist Production Team for the Kiss Network

Mark Radcliffe - Smooth Operations for BBC Radio 2

Steve Lamacq - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music, Radio 2 & Radio 1

Stuart Maconie - Smooth Operations for BBC Radio 2 and 6 Music

THE MUSIC SPECIAL AWARD

Absolute Coldplay - Absolute Radio & TBI Media for Absolute Radio

Cut & Paste - Wise Buddah Creative for BBC Radio 1

Gerry's Danny Boy - BBC Radio Ulster

Vaughan Williams: Valiant for Truth - BBC Radio 3

Who Knows Where The Time Goes, The Sandy Denny Story –
Whispering Bob Broadcasting Company for BBC Radio 2

THE ENTERTAINMENT AWARD

Adam and Joe - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music

Chris Evans Drivetime - BBC Radio 2

Christian O'Connell - Absolute Radio

Geoff Lloyd - Absolute Radio

Tim Shaw's Absolution - Absolute Radio

THE MUSIC PROGRAMMING AWARD

BBC Radio 1

Classic FM

Magic 105.4

THE DRAMA AWARD

Cavalry - BBC Radio Drama for Radio 4

Goldfish Girl - BBC Radio Drama for Radio 4

Mr Larkin's Awkward Day - BBC Radio Drama for Radio 4

The Color Purple - BBC Radio Drama for Radio 4

The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists – Above the Title & Woolyback Productions for BBC Radio 4

THE SPORTS AWARD

5 live Olympic Breakfast- BBC News Programmes & BBC Sport for 5 live

Olympics Sportsworld - BBC Sport for the World Service

Sportsweek - Front Page Media for BBC Radio 5 live

The Alan Brazil Sports Breakfast - talkSPORT

The Football Forum – BRMB for Gold (Birmingham, Coventry & Wolverhampton)

THE SPEECH AWARD

America, Empire of Liberty - BBC Radio Current Affairs for Radio 4

Jon Ronson On.... - Unique the production company for BBC Radio 4

Outlook: Black in the USA - BBC Audio and Music Factual for the World Service

Prisoners' Voices - Prison Radio Association & Electric Radio Brixton for Electric Radio Brixton

Simon Mayo & Mark Kermode - BBC News for 5 live

THE NEWS & CURRENT AFFAIRS AWARD

5 live Breakfast - BBC News for 5 live

Newsbeat - BBC News for Radio 1

The World Today - BBC World Service News & Current Affairs for the World Service

The Wrap - BBC Asian Network

Today - BBC News for Radio 4

THE NEWS SPECIAL AWARD

Desperate Dreams: The Monday Documentary –
BBC Manchester Current Affairs for the World Service

Driving Into Debt - Falling Tree Productions for BBC Radio 4

Poetry From The Front Line - White Pebble Media for BBC Radio 4

Rhys Jones - Century Radio

The Investigation: Never Too Old To Care - A Stark Production for BBC Radio Scotland

THE NEWS JOURNALIST OF THE YEAR

106 JACK fm & Oxford's FM 107.9 News Team - 106 JACK fm & Oxford's FM107.9

City Talk News Team - City Talk 105.9

Eddie Mair - BBC News for Radio 4

Gavin Lee - BBC News for 5 live

Mike Thomson - BBC News for Radio 4

THE SPEECH RADIO PERSONALITY OF THE YEAR

Eddie Mair - BBC News for Radio 4

Ian Wright - talkSPORT

Nicky Campbell - BBC Radio 5 live

Stephen Nolan - BBC Radio 5 live & BBC Radio Ulster

Vanessa Feltz - BBC London 94.9

THE SPEECH BROADCASTER OF THE YEAR

Edi Stark - A Stark Production for BBC Radio Scotland

Evan Davis - BBC News for Radio 4

John Humphrys - BBC News for Radio 4

Nick Ferrari - LBC 97.3

Simon Mayo - BBC News for 5 live

THE BREAKFAST SHOW AWARD

5 live Breakfast - BBC News for 5 live

Bowie @ Breakfast - Radio Clyde for 102.5 Clyde 1

Kiss 100 Breakfast with Rickie, Melvin & Charlie - Kiss 100

Shaun Keaveny - BBC Audio & Music Factual for 6 Music

The Chris Moyles Show - BBC Radio 1

THE LISTENER PARTICIPATION AWARD

Adam and Joe - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music

Electric Radio Brixton: Daily Show – Prison Radio Association & Electric Radio Brixton for Electric Radio Brixton

Iain Lee - Absolute Radio

Sadie Nine's Loud Women - BBC Essex

Stephen Nolan - BBC Radio 5 live

THE COMEDY AWARD

606 with Danny Baker - Campbell Davison Media for BBC Radio 5 live

Adam and Joe - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music

Count Arthur Strong's Radio Show! - Komedia Entertainment & Smooth Operations for BBC Radio 4

Miranda Hart's Joke Shop - BBC Radio Comedy for Radio 2

The Now Show - BBC Radio Comedy for Radio 4

THE FEATURE AWARD

Anatomy Of A Car Crash - BBC Radio Documentaries for Radio 4

Between The Ears: Staring At The Wall - BBC Radio Documentaries for Radio 3

Giving Way To A New Era - Made in Manchester Limited for BBC Radio 4

Leonard and Marianne - Falling Tree Productions for BBC Radio 4

Lives In A Landscape: Gone East - BBC Radio Documentaries for Radio 4

THE INTERVIEW AWARD

Allison Ferns interviews Reunited Brothers - BBC Southern Counties Radio

Andrew Peach interviews Graeme Murty - BBC Radio Berkshire

Eddie Mair interviews Ken Livingstone - BBC News for Radio 4

Electric Radio interview with Jonathan Aitken – Prison Radio Association & Electric Radio Brixton for Electric Radio Brixton

Feargal Keane interviews Lana Vandenberghe – Taking a Stand, BBC Radio Current Affairs for Radio 4

THE BREAKING NEWS AWARD

Attacks in Mumbai - BBC News Programmes for Radio 4

Body on Arbroath Beach - Tay News Team for Tay FM & Tay AM

Schools Closures - BBC Radio Shropshire

The Rangers Riot - BBC Radio Manchester

The Ray Lewis Investigation - BBC London 94.9

THE LIVE EVENT COVERAGE AWARD

Absolute Coldplay - Absolute Radio & TBI Media for Absolute Radio

Carnival - 1Xtra

Summer Sundae Weekender - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music

The Beijing Olympics - BBC Radio 5 live

The Coldstream Guards Come Home To Windsor – The Andrew Peach Show for BBC Radio Berkshire

THE COMMUNITY AWARD

A Sound Fix (Spots) - Prison Radio Association for Electric Radio Brixton

Coventry Market the Musical - BBC Coventry & Warwickshire

Don't Be A Tosser! - BBC Radio Suffolk

Legsy Gets A Break - BBC Radio Berkshire

Omagh Community Radio Group - Omagh Community Radio Group for Strule FM

THE THEMED PROGRAMMING AWARD

1968 - Myth or Reality ? – BBC Production Departments and Independent Companies for BBC Radio 4

Family Life - BBC Hereford & Worcester

The Chopin Experience - BBC Radio 3

The Forgotten Army - 106 JACK fm

US'08 BBC Bus: Talking America - BBC World Service News for the World Service

THE PROMO AWARD

Absolute Radio Discover Real Music - Absolute Radio

Bristol's Big Give - GWR Bristol

Kiss The Planet - What Will You Do? - Kiss Imaging Team for the Kiss Network

The My Lai Tapes - BBC World Service Promotions for the World Service

TV Licensing - Students Campaign – Fresh Air Production & Proximity London for BBC Radio 1

THE COMPETITION AWARD

Adam and Joe - Video Wars - BBC Audio & Music for 6 Music

Facebuck$ - Galaxy Network Imaging for Galaxy (Manchester, Birmingham, Yorkshire & North East)

Heart's Tankety Tank - Heart (West Midlands)

Radio City Makes Your Day - Radio City

Win Your Wedding - CFM

THE STATION IMAGING AWARD

1Xtra

BBC Radio 1

City Talk 105.9

JACK fm

XFM (London & Manchester)

THE INTERNET PROGRAMME AWARD

Answer Me This! – Answer Me This Podcast.com

Media Talk - The Rout At Radio 2 – Guardian.co.uk

Nature's Voice - Podcats for the RSPB Website

Rethinkdaily – Rethinkdaily.co.uk

The Budgerigar and the Prisoner - Clifton Diocese.com

THE MULTIPLATFORM RADIO AWARD

95.8 Capital FM iPhone Application -
Global Radio Creative Technology for 95.8 Capital FM

Classic FM

Radio 1's Big Weekend - BBC Radio 1

Wimbledon - BBC Radio 5 live Interactive for 5 live

World On The Move – BBC Natural History Unit, Audio & Music Interactive & Airlock for Radio 4

STATION OF THE YEAR: UNDER 300,000

BBC Radio Foyle

Beacon Radio (Shropshire)

Radio Scilly

STATION OF THE YEAR (300,000 - 1 MILLION)

BBC Hereford & Worcester

BBC Radio Nottingham

Lincs 102.2 FM

STATION OF THE YEAR (1 MILLION PLUS)

BBC Radio Ulster

Kerrang 105.2

Magic 105.4

DIGITAL STATION OF THE YEAR

BBC Asian Network

Fun Kids

Planet Rock

UK STATION OF THE YEAR

BBC Radio 1

BBC Radio 3

Classic FM


Kanye West imitates that episode of The Simpsons with Danny Devito

It's just like that episode, only instead of getting Homer to design a car, Nike have got Kanye West to design a sneaker.

Oh, and instead of financial ruin in the face of some horrible design work, everyone seems to be cheering:

"This just seemed like Kanye actually had his whole footprint in the design, from the tongue to the glow-in-the-dark [sole]," said Jason Ayers, another customer. "The way he's very flamboyant with his style, it's a very flamboyant shoe."

Aha - I see what you've done: you've confused "flamboyant" with "what the hell is that thing? Get it away from me. Bury it. But not for the love of God anywhere near a watercourse."

It's called the Air Yeezy. That should be enough. But if it wasn't, surely the idea of a glow-in-the-dark sole on a shoe for adults should have rung a few bells at Nike. Presumably only cost concerns led to the lack of compass in the sole?


Toby Keith gets upset with Ethan Hawke

I'm not sure what Ethan Hawke was doing writing a feature on Kris Kristofferson for Rolling Stone in the first place, but he did; and in the course of it, made reference to a spat between Kris and an unnamed country star backstage in 2003. The unnamed figure comes off as a bit of a tiresome fool.

Still, it was in Rolling Stone so nobody will notice, right? And the unnamed country singer can rest easy. And even if a person did stumble across the piece, Hawke's gone out his way to not name him, so it's not like anyone will be any the wiser.

Unless he starts to honk his large-galloned hat off, of course.

Hang about... what's that noise? Is that Toby Keith powering up?

"I don't know Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke wanted to do some kind of superficial Rolling Stone article. And he did everything he could to make his story the greatest story ever in Rolling Stone," Keith said. "And it was a fictitious (expletive) lie. O.K?

"He didn't even call me by my name. ... He called Norah Jones, Ray Charles, everybody else by name. Willie (Nelson), Kris (Kristofferson). Why didn't he call my name? Why didn't he say Toby Keith walked through and said this (expletive)? Right? You know why. You know why. You know as good as anybody why. He didn't want to (expletive) deal with the aftermath."

Only Toby Keith would think a story about him behaving like a buffoon backstage at a gig would constitute "the greatest story ever in Rolling Stone". It's hard to imagine that an anecdote with Toby Keith in would even manage to compete for the title of "the most interesting anecdote about a man called Keith", to be frank.

Still, it's lovely to see the closing-time thought-buffet that is Keith screaming loudly to ensure that everyone knows the unnamed character in the tale is him, before then shouting even louder about how it isn't true. The best thing to do under these circumstances is draw as much attention as possible to things.


Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet - Crime & Corruption

On Music Think Tank, NoneLikeJoshua offers a lengthy history of the music industry's murky past:

Record companies can change the figures for how many records are sold from an artist for certain unethical purposes. This is where the terms, clears and cleans, come into play. A clear is a record that does not show up on an artist’s audit record due to bootleg international shipping. Some labels will state a number less than the actual amount sold; the labels bootleg a master copy without a barcode and send the copies to countries that do not use a barcode system or track any sales equipment. Record sales then fall through, and do not show up on the artist’s audit (Avalon, 2006, 199). A clean is made when a company produces excess records that are able to be returned to the record company for cash with no questions asked. The record will be given to private vendors that do not pass the records to the retail store but are returned to the record label for a refund. This could be a form of embellishment by whoever in the record company is having these private vendors buy and take back the money for the records (Avalon, 2006, 200). Every artist should know that a company may become antagonistic towards any artist that exposes some kind of wrongful accounting; the artist should begin to wonder why this correlation arises from the record company at this point.


Dylan on Obama

The Times sits down with Bob Dylan to look at the US president through Zimmerman's eyes:

[Bill Flanagan]: Do you think he’ll make a good president?

BD: I have no idea. He’ll be the best president he can be. Most of those guys come into office with the best of intentions and leave as beaten men. Johnson would be a good example of that … Nixon, Clinton in a way, Truman, all the rest of them going back. You know, it’s like they all fly too close to the sun and get burned.

It says a lot about the last eight years of US history that "having good intentions" is enough to make a White House occupant noteworthy. But does Dylan really believe that Nixon had good intentions? Really?


The Sheriff crashes in

During a fairly quiet lunch hour, I was quite excited to come across the Placebo tour dates, and posted them up.

I was a bit surprised logging on this evening to find this in the comments:

WEB SHERIFF
Protecting Your Rights on the Internet
Tel [...]
Fax [...]
[...]

Hi NRaRF,

On behalf of PIAS, Astralwerks and Placebo, many thanks for plugging "Battle For The Sun " (album street date 8th June) ... .. thanks, also, on behalf of the labels and artist for not posting any pirate links to unreleased (studio) material and, if you / your readers want good quality, non-pirated, preview tracks, the title track is available for fans and bloggers to link to / post / host etc until the 13th April at www.placeboworld.co.uk... .. for further details of the new album, on-line promotions, videos and 2009 shows, check-out the band’s site plus www.myspace.com/placebo and www.youtube.com/officialplacebo

Can anything be more calculated to make you feel a little less warm towards one of your favourite bands than something like that? It manages to be patronising, pathetic, presumptive and clunky all in one horrible package.

It'd be one thing if it came from the label, or the band. But from the nutcracking sledgehammers of Web Sheriff? It's a little bit like getting a best keep village prize from the Mob, isn't it?

How, exactly, does Web Sheriff protect my rights on the internet? They might do a good job of protecting their paying customer's rights - although since they manage to piss off so many people, it's arguable they do more in reputational harm than they save in copyright leakage, but that's not protecting me, is it?

What is a "pirate link" when it's got a parrot sitting on its shoulder, come to that? There's a difference between 'pirated material' and a link to pirated material; presumably a pirate link would be one where the publisher had copied the text of the link from another site without permission?

The message ends 'regards, Web Sheriff', raising the horrible prospect that rather than just a self-important brand (making the AA's old claim to be "the fourth emergency service" seem sane), there's someone who really does sit surfing the internet wearing a big hat and a shiny star.

Part of me is, at least, tickled that how-many-years-it-is-now-since-Napster, there's at least some attempt being made to try being nice, and polite, rather than menacing and belligerent, in at least some quarters of the UK intellectual property organisations. But paying some third party to slap poorly-conceived messages up isn't the way to do it. Even if you pay some third party to pretend to be doing it on behalf of the band, that'd be better.


Producerobit: Steve Raitt

Musician and sound engineer Steve Raitt has died after a long illness.

Raitt played with the TC Jammers; sang back-up for his sister Bonnie Raitt; and produced records for Ipso Facto, amongst others. He was a well-liked and well-respected engineer for live bands playing Minneapolis - St Pauls.

Diagnosed with brain cancer in 2001, he wasn't expected to live past six months, but a positive attitude and careful diet helped. As Bonnie explained to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, though, a second tumour proved more difficult to beat:

"While we are very sad that he lost his valiant eight-year battle, we are relieved to know his struggle is over and that he's now truly free," Bonnie Raitt said in an e-mail Sunday. "Since last summer, he was fighting paralysis on his left side and then blindness since the holidays -- all due to a second tumor diagnosed last summer.

"I was closer to Steve than anyone in my life so you can imagine how I'm feeling.

"We've been showered with calls and messages since we shared the sad news and I'm so incredibly moved by the impact he had on so many lives."

Raitt was 61; he died on Saturday.


Placebo: Small, but perfectly formed tour

To mark the launch of the new album Battle For The Sun, there's going to be a mini-Placebo tour:

Sheffield Academy - May 9
Bournemouth Opera House - May 10
Shepherd's Bush Empire - May 12

Sheffield. Bournemouth. Shepherd's Bush. The Grand Tour is back.


EMI hope you'll be a focus group for them

The ongoing struggle of EMI to get to grips with the digital world sees the launch of something it's calling Your Soundcheck:

Email invites began going out Friday to some registered users of EMI.com offering free access to pre-release content and an opportunity to share what they "think about new music, new bands and advise us on our music-making decisions". Opinions will, the invite promises, "go straight to the heart of one of the world's leading music companies, helping to shape tomorrow's music."

Well, it's better than nothing, but it still misses the point by a country mile: in 2009, the company thinks that building a private space and keeping control is going to work. If they want to know what people think of their acts, why not spend a tenth of the money they're wasting on this paying some staff to look on the internet in places where music fans gather voluntarily to discuss music?

The other big flag that EMI is still bumbling about in the dark is the language:
Listen to new music before it's on the radio and watch pre-release clips of music videos

The company still seems to believe that putting things on the internet is, somehow, pre-release. If they're going to put up full tracks, no matter how cunning the password protection on the YourSoundCheck site is, those tracks will be swimming round the net before the executives get their first response pie chart. If they put up bits of tracks, nobody's going to be interested.

This isn't even that new an idea - back in the 80s, the majors did this sort of thing, albeit with adverts in the pop press and tapes rather than email invites and digital files.

I can't think why they didn't try this sort of thing in 1999. I can't think why they're bothering in 2009.

One last thought: presumably, this scheme had been gestated under Douglas Merrill. The low-key launch suggests that the new team at EMI might be less keen on the plan.


Gordon in the morning: Love you til Luton

Virginia Wheeler is still Gordon's closest-thing-to-a-writer in Malawi, and is still shovelling out Madonna-camp-pleasing coverage:

The boss of Mercy’s orphanage, the Kondanani Children’s Home, said the youngster “could not understand where her new family had gone”.

Annie Chikhwaza said: “It’s devastating for Mercy. She had bonded with her new family and was calling for Madonna, saying, ‘Where is my Mummy?’

“She couldn’t understand where Lola, David and Rocco had gone — she thought they were playing hide and seek. It broke my heart to see her crying out for David as they’d become inseparable."

Virginia doesn't see this as being a good example of why you shouldn't make promises to children until you're bloody certain you can make good on them. She doesn't suggest that the whole thing suggests that the orphanage has been placing Madonna's needs ahead of those of Mercy. She doesn't think to question Chikhwaza's odd claims - why would Mercy think the other kids were "playing hide and seek"? It's not like they were living at the orphanage, is it? Wouldn't Mercy just assume they'd gone back to their nicer place to live? Isn't this sort of statement more about trying to manipulate press coverage and court decisions rather than telling the truth?

Although Mercy does have a good point: where is Madonna?
Madonna, 50, flew to Britain with kids Lourdes, 12, Rocco, eight, and adopted three-year-old David Banda, greeted at Luton Airport by Madge’s ex-hubby GUY RITCHIE.

But the devastated singer cut a forlorn figure as she stepped alone from the private plane.

Given that one of the reasons she was turned down as an adoptor was a lack of time spent in the country, and if she was really that devastated, why was she in Luton? If we take Wheeler's reportage at face value, what we seem to have is a desperately upset child, and a woman who claims to care about that child puts thousands of miles between them.

Normally, Gordon's work on Simon Fuller and Simon Cowell being up for the same award would not detain us, but connosieurs of bad photoshop will enjoy the terrible, terrible boxing-mock-up-artwork.


Sunday, April 05, 2009

Lab closures: Stereolab suspend business

Worrying news from the Stereolab camp:

Hiatus/Sabbatical/Pause/Intermission/Breather
Dear All,

As we recently made #51 with Emperor Tomato Ketchup in the Amazon 100 Greatest Indie Rock Albums of all Time we feel that our work is done for the moment.
We have had to cancel the last two shows that we were scheduled to play, apologies to all that had bought tickets, and there are no plans to record new tracks.
Duophonic are working on the release of Chemical Chords 2, we also have plans for a new Switched On and remastering of the back catalogue.
We are are all going to have a bit of a rest now after nearly 19 years and work on a few other projects.
The website will still be updated and disks released but there won't be any new Stereolab product for a while.

Cheerio
Pikey

You can only love a band who cite coming at the top of the second half of a best 100 albums list as achieving their goals. We'll miss 'em.


Courtney Love loses more stuff

When I heard that removal men had bungled and thrown away the old bird they found in her bedroom, it took a moment to realise they meant an actual dead bird.

The eight thousand pound artwork by Polly Morgan had been on display in Love's bedroom, and the movers thought it was rubbish and binned it.

There's something fascinating about this - normally, if you found a stuffed bird in a matchbox in a bedroom, you'd assume that such a strange, out-of-place item must be there for a reason. But when you find it in Courtney's room, your assumption is that it's just something that Love has discarded. It makes you wonder what the actual trash on the floor consisted of, doesn't it?


Woot-ton: Where does Dan get his stories?

Dan Wootton, the News of the World's virtually-impossible-to-find-online showbiz hound, rushes in with a story:

SUGABABE KEISHA BUCHANAN has revealed how a famous sportsman got a bit too sweet on her.

She grimaced: "Just had a message on my MySpace page from a very famous sports star offering me something sexual! What an ass and a pervert.

"I can't believe it. When I told him 'No' he got really mad.

"I've blocked him from my page now."

Wow - how great must Dan's contact book and trust network be if Keisha would reveal something like that exclusively to him. It's not the sort of thing you'd share on something like Twitter, is it?

Oh.

It might have been nice if Dan had at least mentioned he'd just copied it off Twitter, don't you think?

How did Dan know she was grimacing, rather than, say, giggling at how ridiculous the bloke was?


This week just gone

The ten-most read Gordon Smart stories have been:

1. Jennifer Aniston has nipples
2. Basshunter enjoys sex
3. Meet the Prime Minister of gossiping
4. Rod Stewart's daughter sells underwear
5. Robbie Williams is interested in UFOs
6. McFly are slightly less dangerous than before
7. Boyzone try to be sexy
8. Kings Of Leon might split
9. Gordon sends someone else to see Led Zep
10. The new Robbie Williams stuff is brilliant (This was in January 2008; nobody with a record label seems to have agreed)

These were the suggested invetigative purchase options:


PJ Harvey & John Parish - A Woman, A Man Walked By



download Rid Of Me



Peter Bjorn And John - Living Things



download Living Things



I Monster - A Dense Swarm Of Ancient Stars



download A Dense Swarm Of Ancient Stars



The Leisure Society - The Sleeper



download The Sleeper



Leonard Cohen - Live In London



buy Live In London on DVD



The Whitest Boy Alive - Rules



download Dreams



Gram Parsons - Archive Volume One




Kevin Ayers - Yes, We Have No Mananas Remastered



download Yes, We Have No Mananas