Hackney Council takes on Britney Spears

You can't trust anyone, can you? There was Hackney Council, all happy having Britney Spears film a video in the borough, only for her to go and add a gun to the mix:

A Hackney Council spokesperson said: "Hackney Council carefully vets all requests to film in the borough.

"In this case we did not agree that a replica gun could be used on location at Stoke Newington town hall.

"We are disappointed that the film crew made a last-minute change to the scene. We will be raising this matter with the production company."

Not quite sure what Hackney thinks "raising this matter" will do; it sounds like they're going to send the sort of stiffly-worded complaint that can only be dealt with by the production company getting a runner to draft a 'oh, soz' response.

Britney's people have issued a statement in the meantime:

A spokesman for the star said: "The video is a fantasy story featuring Britney's boyfriend, Jason Trawick, which literally plays out the lyrics of a song written three years before the riots ever happened.

"When the video is released, people will fully understand its narrative. The pap shots don't deliver that of course."

If the video does "literally" play out the lyrics, then why would we have to wait for it be released? Couldn't we just read the lyrics?

He is a loser, he’s a bum, bum, bum, bum
He lies, he bluffs
He's unreliable.
He is a sucker with a gun, gun, gun, gun

Actually, couldn't Hackney Council have just looked at the lyrics?

He is a villain of the devil’s law
He is a killer just for fun, fun, fun, fun
That man's a snitch and unpredictable,
He’s got no conscious [sic - presumably 'conscience'? ]
He got none, none, none, none

Hard to see how anyone at the council might have thought this video would reflect on anything other than the glories of Stoke Newington.

Although, having a look at the films that Hackney is proud to have had shot in the Borough, it doesn't seem that they're really that bothered about how the place looks on screen. (I don't just mean Alien Autopsy, either.)

Nicola Roberts not bothered by success

Record sales? Nicola Roberts isn't in it for the record sales:

"You don't make music for commercial reasons. You make music because it's what you love to do," she told The Sun. "Not everybody can always like something. That's just the way it is. Maybe they'll like the next one better. That's how I look at it."

Of course she's not just putting a brave face on her solo album juddering to a halt at number 40; clearly, she's only ever made music because of the love of the music she's making. Why else would she have gone on a talent show to try and win a place in a band, any band, if she wasn't solely motivated by the desire to make whatever sort of music it would be that she'd be told to make in that band?

Liam Gallagher: music critic

Have you ever wondered what Liam Gallagher thinks about Radiohead? No, of course not. It'd be like wondering what a shrimp thinks about lobsters, wouldn't it? But he's going to tell us anyway:

I've never even heard 'OK Computer', but anything by Radiohead doesn't make much sense to me. Everyone's going on about Radiohead pushing things forward, but the only thing they’re famous for really is songs like 'Creep' innit?

They then go off-roading for the rest of their career. I just don't get it. I mean, we've all written songs like 'Creep', y’know, them classic songs. So that’s what makes them what they are. 'Karma Police' is alright, but it's The Beatles, innit?

Yes, that's Liam Gallagher, out of Oasis, having a pop at Radiohead for sounding a bit like The Beatles.

Still, it's an interesting viewpoint: apparently everyone talks about Radiohead's avant garde side, but at the same time people only know of Radiohead's Creep. I say "interesting"; I mean incoherent.

What the pop papers say: Cold extras

Just flopped onto the doormat is this week's NME, with Noel Gallagher staring out of the cover. It looks like the same Noel Gallagher picture that always appears on the cover of the NME these days; indeed, it might appear on the cover of the paper every week.

As you try to avert your eyes - out of embarrassment and kindness rather than disgust, a strapline catches the attention:

REM Split: The original indie icons remembered

Original indie icons? Weren't they on IRS, and a major act, from the get-go? Surely they were college rock anyway?

It's surprising that the NME, which seldom misses a chance to run a Vox-style retriospective issue these days, chooses to stick REM on a strip on the top rather than making them the focus of the issue. Obviously, someone thinks that Noel Gallagher sells copies - although the frequency of Oasis covers and dwindling newsagent sales would contradict that - but a proper farewell to REM might have been a sign of some sort of coherent thought shaping the title. Instead, it's more congealing Noel, pushing a solo career that nobody really has any interest in.

Here's Noel talking about the video for the single:

[Russell Brand] is in it now...

Of course he bloody is.

... as some sort of crazed... well, you'll see it.

I wouldn't count on that.

He wears a top hat. It's fucking ridiculous.

A top hat, you say? A top hat? Why, the very idea of a long-haired comedian doing a cameo, in a pop video, wearing a top hat, is a hill-airy-oz idea. I can't imagine why nobody has done it before.

Noel tries to avoid giving an opinion on the "state of rock and roll" because "I'm 45 next year", which is amusing, given this is a cover story for the house journal of alt-rock. He does end up giving one, though. Of course he does:

There's bands that are good, make good records, but you see them on the telly at Glastonbury, and they're just not interested in having it

"Being interested in having it" being the key criteria in judging a band, rather than, you know, making good records. Who cares if the album is brilliant if the band don't punch each other on stage, eh?

Remember back in the early days of magazines arriving on the internet, Time Warner tried a crappy paywall idea where they printed a code in the print title which they hoped people would type in to a browser? Astonishingly, NME have revived the idea with something they're calling NME Extra.

Each edition has raffle-ticket style number printed on the front page - the one I got was 277205, if you're interested - which you input at nme.com/extra to get "special" content only available to people who have bought the magazine. Or copied a number off a front page in WH Smiths. Most of the stuff appears to be old articles from NME, which you would have thought should have been on the website anyway.

Still, there is some good stuff in the magazine. Most notably, Laura Snapes attempting to triangulate Marina Diamandis - she doesn't quite manage to, but that in itself is telling. You could buy the magazine to read it, or wait five years, and see if there's a magic code to type in so you can have a look online.

Gordon in the morning: First discs

Lucky for Gordon, his copy of Q has turned up, giving him the chance to "report" on its contents. To mark 25 years of the magazine, they've asked people about their first single. Alex Turner attempted to make some sort of point:

"I think it was a cassette single and if it wasn't Let's Get Ready To Rhumble it might have been Edwyn Collins' A Girl Like You.

"The new generation have got it easy now. You'll ask some kid and because of downloading it will be Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures.

"I'd like to be able to say that but it probably was Let's Get Ready To Rhumble. Actually, it might have been Zig and Zag... "

It's an interesting reaction - in fact, you might ask with downloading and streaming, will Q be able to ask the same question in 25 years time in any meaningful way - but Gordon can't get past PJ And Duncan:

NEXT time Arctic Monkeys are asked to do a cover, they should go for one of the first songs frontman Alex Turner ever bought –

Alex confessed the song that saw Geordies Ant & Dec "wreck the mic" was an early feature in his music collection.

There's even a clunking headline:

Alex Turner, are you Geordie sure?

To which the answer is, er, no: clearly he's saying he isn't sure what his first single was, if you mean 'are you sure this was your first single'; or, yes, he's sure he bought it, if you meant that.

But then, writing a scoffing article about how embarrassing an early single purchase was when the subject was trying to illustrate that very idea seems confused enough without the headline.

Elsewhere, Gordon takes one for the team, writing a piece plugging his bosses' Sky Living Steps Reunion series:

STEPS have revealed one of the reasons for their bitter split ten years ago — BRITNEY SPEARS.

The band's Ian "H" Watkins hit it off with the singer when they supported her Baby One More Time tour in the US during 1999.

He began flying to venues in the star's private jet while his bandmates slummed it on a bus.

That doesn't really sound like Britney Spears was the "reason" for the split, but to be fair, if Gordon didn't stick Spears into the headline, the story would probably have got as many readers as the Steps series will have viewers.

Soulobit: Vesta Williams

Vesta Williams, soul singer and actress, has died, reports the LA Times.

Although her music never sold in massive quantities - her crossover chart record never matched that of her achievements on the R&B chart - she managed a name recognition that outstripped her sales. (Helped, perhaps, by a recurring role in Sister, Sister.)



Williams had been rebuilding her career after something of a slump in the 1990s, which coincided with health problems. She had recently taken on a role promoting awareness of childhood diabetes and obesity; she was performing again and had been due to appear on sub-par American Idol clone The Voice in the next few weeks.

The cause of Williams' death is currently not public; her body was found in a hotel room in LA. She was 53.

[Thanks to Michael M]

Hey, the packet doesn't say Amy Winehouse Wig

Not ones to let a cruel, young death stand in the way of a wacky Halloween outfit sale, at least one branch of Party City still thinks it would be a hoot to go to parties as Amy Winehouse:

Classy.

Gordon in the morning: Nobody wins with mental images of a naked Liam Gallagher

Why would Gordon Smart even want to put this image in anybody's mind?:

[Liam Gallagher] added: "The Poznan dance, it's great. I do it when I get up in the morning, when I'm in the shower. Brilliant."

Is the idea of a lumbering, soaped-up Liam part of Gordon's pro-Noel campaign? Or is this part of a peace deal with Liam, gently introducing the UK public to the possibility that Gallagher has embraced a personal hygiene routine? Who can be sure?

Downloadable: 4AD sessions

4AD have done this, a compilation of some of the best tracks from their special sessions. You can also buy it as a vinyl record, should you wish to:

We might have some bad news for you, Coldplay

Chris Martin says he's not bothered about relevancy:

I don't really care anymore about being relevant. I'm just happy to be with that group of people. We're very fired up and we're very focussed and the people who want to enjoy our music, we love them and we welcome them. In terms of where we fit in? I don't care.

It's heartbreaking, isn't it? It's like when you see UKIP candidates in parliamentary elections and you think 'however awful you and your beliefs are, it's almost touching that you believe you're part of the actual political process. Bless you, you little, rabidly wrong sweetheart.'

When, exactly, did Martin think that Coldplay were "relevant"? And relevant to what? The only thing Coldplay have ever had an influence on was 'bands that sound like Coldplay', and at no point in recorded history has 'shaping a Snow Patrol rehearsal session' ever counted as 'being relevant'.

Gordon in the morning: Last one to Vegas

Gordon Smart is shaking with mirth:

TUBBY funnyman Johnny Vegas is expecting a few laughs — as he strips off to recreate the famous photo of pregnant Demi Moore.

Oddly, Smart doesn't seem to know that the picture is years old. Or perhaps he does, and just didn't want to have to admit it was taken for The Guardian.

REM: The sidewinder sleeps tonight

Rather like the policies from the 2010 Liberal Democrat manifesto, the big surprise about the REM split is that they were still officially supposed to exist.

Although they sometimes nudged a little too close to U2 for comfort, and the odd 'behaving like twonks on airplanes' incidents not withstanding, they did just about pull off being massive without being massive asshats.

Although imagine if they'd used Dead Letter Office as the end point of their career. Blimey, how much would we have loved them then?

Still, that's it for REM, although God has confirmed plans for a massive natural disaster in 2016 which will necessitate a reunion to headline a benefit gig. "The plans are at an early stage" explained God, "but I am developing a fire-breathing locust."

Tomorrow, everything changes...

Or, more likely, won't much, but there's just one more sleep before Facebook launch their music service.

At a guess, it'll be a bit tricky to use, and will rely on the sheer traction of a massive user base to build popularity for a less-than-perfect service. Like everything else on Facebook, in other words.

All-new Guided By Voices next year

The big secret is a secret no more: There's a new album by the classic Guided By Voices album, and it's only a few short months away.

I'm saying "few short months" in a bid to try and make it seem like it won't be a long, aching wait.

James Greer has heard the record. James, is it worth waiting for?

I can say that I’ve had the honor and privilege of listening to the album for a few weeks now, and that it can best be described as… uh… hold on… let me think… okay: flipping genius.

January. That's just four months. Four months.

Q is 25 years old

And to celebrate, it is producing 25 different covers - which is one for every reader they have left, I think.

Quick hint, Q - if you're looking to mark a quarter century of taste and discernment, this...

... might not be the way to flag that message.

People want to own, not rent, says retailer

Some interesting research from eMusic, which reckons it proves that people still want to own records - or at least mp3s - rather than stream:

Top line stats from the eMusic research, which questioned 1000 music fans (some eMusic users, some not), include that 91% said they preferred to own tracks because there were no limitations on listening, while 86% said they felt ownership offered more security, ie tracks aren’t likely to randomly disappear. 76% said they used streaming services to discover and sample music that they might then buy, and, presumably as a result of that fact, 74% said they wouldn’t pay to access streaming platforms.

What eMusic don't reveal is how far the desire to earnown dwindles as you head towards younger respondents - the assumption has always been that the so-called 'digital natives' have seldom bought physical product and, thus, would be more comfortable with the idea of not having a digital collection. You suspect if the findings had overturned this conventional assumption, eMusic would be making a bit more of it.

[UPDATE: Typo "earn" for "own" corrected]

Gordon in the morning: You're fired

In order to help with her cosmetics range, Nicola Roberts is doing some research:

NICOLA Roberts is about to start taking Alan Sugar to bed with her.

The Girls Aloud star has bought the mogul's book, What You See Is What You Get, to become more business savvy.

I'm no business expert, but I'd suggest that not taking advice from the bloke who created the Amstrad Emailer would be a pretty fundamental business tip.

Kelis racist incident suddenly moves a few hundred miles south

The incident that Kelis reported on Twitter where she was racially abused in a London airport? It now turns out she was in Spain:

"Just to clarify, because apparently there's been some confusion, I was in the UK (as always) this time for Bestival (which was great)," she wrote. "I took a flight from Gatwick (airport) back to Spain so for those fact checkers that is approximately a two and a half to three hour flight.

She added: "I landed in Spain and that's when the fat pink faced British guy who was on the plane with me called me a slave and (told me) to call him sir. It was at passport control. I didn't think to make that clear at the time because I was shaken and furious. Now you know."

You'll note the dig at "fact checkers", by which she means those tiresome types who, erm, pointed out that her story wasn't straight.

Now, it's fair enough that you might be angry and annoyed and tweet something opaque - but Kelis had already returned to the subject once when challenged on her sweeping statements about racism in the UK, and neglected to mention the important location of the alleged incident.

And it does make a massive difference to the story whether this happened in London or Spain - part of the complaint was the man behind the passport control counter merely repeated the first bloke's "Kunta Kinte" jibe as if he was amused by it. If you're building an argument about how racism is rife and undiscussed in the UK, using the actions of a Spanish civil servant as part of your evidence would seem to undermine your case somewhat.

[Thanks to Peter D in the comments]

Sinead O'Connor not having a good time

I'm not an expert in therapy, but a session in which your patient is so upset by what you say to them they go home and start tweeting about how they'd like to kill themselves seems a bit of a failure, doesn't it?

That's what happened to Sinead O'Connor last night, who appears to have been made so guilty over talking about sex in public that she took to Twitter to muse about how she might kill herself if she could do it in a way that her children didn't notice. Sounds a bit like it's the therapist who has the issues they need to work through more than O'Connor.

Feds claim Universal label offices used for drug dealing

There's an idea that Guy Hands didn't think of during his time at EMI: using the label offices to ship drugs.

According to DOJ documents published by The Smoking Gun, Interscope, part of the Universal collection of labels, was sucked into the heart of a multimillion drugs shipping outfit when its offices were used as a hub:

Department of Justice prosecutors this week provided defense lawyers with shipping records detailing “pickups and deliveries” made at Interscope’s Los Angeles office by a cargo firm that was used to transport the music cases, which were alternately stuffed with kilos of cocaine and upwards of $1 million in cash.

A year-long Drug Enforcement Administration investigation has resulted in the indictment of James Rosemond on 18 felony charges, which could result in a sentence of life in prison for the 46-year-old rap music manager.

There's no suggestion that the label itself was anything other than an innocent patsy in the operation.

Gordon in the morning: Even he doesn't believe this one

Even working for News International, there must be times when Gordon Smart pauses and thinks "this made-up bollocks is beneath the standards of our organisation". Today must have been one of those days:

EVER since Brad Pitt starred in Snatch as gypsy slugger Mickey O'Neil, smashing up Gorgeous George, he has had a soft spot for the traveller community.

So much so, he now wants to make a movie about Big Fat Gypsy Weddings tough-nut Paddy Doherty.

Smart must know that absolutely everyone who reads this will think "Brad Pitt is never going to make a film about Paddy Doherty. Ever." Perhaps Google has created a filter that will flag up a story without any actual truth in it, and Gordon wanted to see what how it works.

Gamely, though, he even has a crack at casting:

After Brad's turn in Guy Ritchie film Snatch in 2000, he would be perfect as Paddy.

Mickey Rourke or Sly Stallone could convince too. Or for a cheaper option, Brad could call Wolf from Gladiators.

Or why not Mike Tyson? He'd be about as convincing as this story is.

Stone Temple Pilots fall silent

Stone Temple Pilots have axed their US tour halfway through; Scott Weiland's vocal cords are almost literally in pieces. If they pressed on with this tour, he might never be able to sing again. And that would be a bad thing. (Stone Temple Pilot's perspective only.)

Bookmarks - Internet stuff: Protest pop

Fennerpearson offers a thoughtful post about about mixing pop and politics:

Chris’s view was that the pop song – and, to cut a long argument short, [the PJ Harvey album] *is* a pop album – was not the right vehicle to discuss war. Although Chris is a headmaster now, he was once an English teacher, so – impressed by my own improvisation – I riposted with the world war one poets. It transpires, however, that they *agonised* over whether it was appropriate to record the horrors of war in a contrived form.

Victoria Newton: A kind of homecomng

Those of you who have been reading No Rock for a while will remember that back before Gordon Smart's dismal showbiz coverage, Bizarre was the awful kingdom of Victoria Newton. Her high spot was having to run a humiliating apology to Nigel Martin-Smith after she ran Robbie William's lyrical attack on the man.

More recently, she'd been plying her trade at the now-defunct News Of The World. But unlike some other staffers there who were offered jobs in the middle of nowhere, Newton has been given a job right at the heart of Wapping. She's now going to edit the Saturday edition of the paper. Virtue, clearly, brings its own reward.

Elton dumped and fuming

Hell hath no fury like a fabulous celebrity scorned. Elton John was supposed to go on a dinner date with a banker, Spencer Lodge.

Not in a skulky, behind David Furnish's back sort of date. This was one that Lodge had bought in one of Elton's charity auctions.

But it turns out you can't trust Lodge. Imagine that - a banker who doesn't stick to his word. The money never turned up, and now Elton is pursuing legal action:

[A] source close to Sir Elton said: ‘Both David and Elton, and everyone involved with the EJAF are really angry about this.

‘Elton is not personally hounding the man and demanding the cash, but he is fully supportive of the legal proceedings to benefit the charity,’ the Daily Mirror reported.

I love the reassurance that Elton isn't personally turning up at Lodge's house, yelling through the letterbox.

[Thanks to Michael M]

Kelis hates us so much right now

It is, of course, wrong and unforgivable that an idiot at an airport had a go at Kelis. The Mail's coverage doesn't actually help, either:

American singer Kelis has launched into an angry Twitter tirade against Britain after she was allegedly subjected to racial abuse in a London airport.

The 32-year-old was waiting at passport control at one of the capital's airports when she was apparently labelled a 'slave' by a middle-aged white man.

The Mail's standfirst - which is all most of its readers will have read before leaping down to the comment forms - neglects some of the fine detail which appears further down. The "disgusting Nigerian" comment, for example, which is just horrible.

I think we might have to take issue, though, with Kelis' decision to use this one incident as an exemplar of race relations in 21st Century Britain:

'I didn't say anything at the time of the riots in London for a lot of reasons. But I am in London all the time and today I'm gonna say that the racial issues in the UK are disgusting.

'Its racially decades behind progression because everything is swept under the rug. People don't talk about it. People don't fight about it. Not mentioning a problem doesn't make it go away.'

Hmm. So, Kelis could have said things at the time of the riots, but didn't. Perhaps because the riots and looters were from a wide range of backgrounds?

I'm sure the organisers of Love Music Hate Racism, or RISE, or Kick Racism Out Of Football, or all of the other groups fighting racism in all sorts of fields will be surprised to hear that there's no fighting against xenophobia; likewise, given how often the Mail runs stories about how much "political correctness" there is in the UK, with its going mad all the time, I doubt the right would entirely recognise a Britain in which casual racism doesn't create a storm.

There's too many people like the guy behnd Kelis at the airport. And I don't think we can deny her right to be pissed off and angry. But later on, when people responded "aren't you American? Isn't there a bit of a problem there, too?" she ploughed on:

'[Americans] are the poster child for racial inequality even still with a black president. But its NO SECRET! And that I can fight against. I can try to prepare and teach my son. Because its out there. But you can't fight for or against something no one is willing to talk about or even admit exist.'

Isn't pretending the British don't talk about racism a bit... well, of lazy stereotyping?

[Thanks to Michael M]

Gordon in the morning: Justin Bieber has a life plan

It's a bit like being a careers teacher or something, as Gordon hears Justin's hopes for the future:

"By 25 or 26 I want to see myself, like, married or start looking for a family."

It's odd that he says "start looking for a family" rather than "starting a family", almost as if he expects that he'll have to collect the pieces. Like Doctor Who stickers.

UKIP about to get knocked down again

I know they're just the BNP, but played for laughs, but who at UKIP thought it would be a good idea to use Chumbawamba as their conference theme song?

Former singer Dunstan Bruce is fuming over the politician's unauthorised use of the pro-anarchy song and admits he will consult lawyers if it continues.

He tells Britain's The Guardian, "This song being used by Ukip is so wrong. I am absolutely appalled that this grubby little organisation are stealing our song to use for their own ends. It's beyond the pale and if they use it again we will consider legal action."

Chumbawamba star Alice Nutter adds, "If ever there was gross misuse of a band's music this is it."

It was Chumbawamba, Farrage. Why would you think that there would be common ground?

Mind you, can you really defend a song about anarchy by going to the courts?

Cliff's law

Of course the copyright extension in recorded music has gone through. But there is one small thing we can do. We can still name it:

A spokesman at one body sounded pained when I referred to the "Cliff Richard law".

"Think of the hard-up session musicians not Cliff Richard," he told me, claiming that thousands of struggling artists would now be guaranteed a pension.

This is, naturally, bollocks, as most hard-up session musicians are hard-up because they have their rights bought out when they make the recording.

But the idea that calling the theft of half-century old records from the public domain "the Cliff Richard Law" upsets the copyright industry makes it imperative that we always, always call it the Cliff Richard Law.

This week just gone

The most-read pieces last week:

1. Video: Mary Magaret O'Hara - Peanuts
2. Tatu can't understand why everyone thought they were gay
3. The Popjustice £20 Music Prize
4. Video: Mary Margaret O'Hara - When You Know Why You're Happy
5. Jessie J has never heard of PJ Harvey
6. AC/DC remain off iTunes
7. Just Can't Get Enough - Thirty years on
8. Gordon Smart goes to the GQ Awards
9. Pixie Lott says her music is her own
10. Kasabian eat microwave rice


These were the interesting releases:


Stephin Merritt - Obscurities

Download Obscurities



The Drums - Portamento

Download Portamento



Male Bonding - Endless Now

Download Endless Now



Kittie - I've Failed You

Download I've Failed You



Grouplove - Never Trust A Happy Song

Download Never Trust A Happy Song



Julie Fowlis - Mar A Tha Mo Chridhe

Download Mar A Tha Mo Chridhe



Eliane Elias - Light My Fire

Download Light My Fire