No Rock And Roll Fun

AND WE THOUGHT JAY ASTON'S SKIRT COMING OFF WAS RACY: Tatu have been chosen to represent Russia at this year's Eurovision song contest, which must have made virtually every other nation groan. And, probably, means that Moscow will be left to pick up the tab for the 2004 finals. We're especially looking forward to Terry Wogan having to commentate on the girl's performance which, judging by their career arc to date, is almost certain to include a strap on and the shouting of the word "We're lesbians, us, you know."