The value of nothing

It's perhaps unsurprising that the sort of wedding where Lionel Richie is booked as a trophy rather than an entertainment hardly knows how to treat a singer. Richie had the misfortune to be booked for the wedding of John Terry and Toni Poole, and - according to Victoria Newton's column - struggled to make himself heard above the melee of people overpaid for playing football:

When he started singing Hello the boys started chanting back to him as if they were on the football ground terraces.

“They had downed so much champagne at the reception the guests became really lairy and started shouting over his set.

“In the end he asked the crowd to be quiet and said, ‘I’ve only got two more songs, please stick with me.’

“When he came off stage he moaned to one of the organisers, ‘I imagine this is what it’s like at a working men’s club’.”

Which is a little bit unfair to working men's clubs, to be honest.