Pretending your games machine in an instrument: Game Over?

Worrying news from the world of computer games. No, this isn't about that advert for Wii with Louise WhatusedtobeinEternal in it, where she's using her Wiimote to vacuum up virtual dirt, although the idea of a piece of electrical equipment which you can use in your living room to, erm, hoover up the dirt on the floor does sound a little like they're running out of ideas of things to simulate - presumably 2009 is going to see a Wii game where the remote can be used like a remote control, turning over TV programmes which will be shown on your TV screen.

No, the news that will be worrying people in Gamesland is that the Guitar Hero / Rock Band boom is over:

Electronic Arts, publishers of Rock Band, has issued another profit warning, and reports "disappointing sales figures," while Guitar Hero is expected to see a 50% drop in unit sales.

If you need any evidence that a mildly-diverting idea has now been throttled, Metallica have just turned up at the party with their own version of Guitar Hero.

Darkness at 3AM: Lolly plop

Obviously, if The Sun isn't going to leave Winehouse alone, neither is the Mirror. The trouble is, with Smart's lot discovering that Winehouse (apparently) was rushed to a proper hospital on Wednesday night, 3AM's giggling tale of Winehouse eating ice lollies looks a little weak. We half expected to see a story announcing that Britney Spears has taken up sketching, but... no, the rest of this "toxic" column doesn't actually get close to that sort of story. Kate Moss has night out and stays up late! Pregnant woman looks pregnant! Is this all you've got?

The new team struggle to find something to say about Ashley Cole-Cheryl Tweedy, and so ask Louise what used to be in Eternal. On the basis that, erm, she's also married to a footballer. Louise offers nothing approaching advice:

"I can't judge anyone's relationship but Cheryl needs to follow her heart. I've been married now for 10 years and, you know, sometimes I want to kill him."

So... is Louise saying that she herself should "follow her heart" and kill Jamie Redknapp? Presumably not.

Has the new 3AM team run out of steam so quickly?

Louise flogs diets

Having done her stint "trying out" being size zero last year, it's something of a surprise to discover she's flogging diets for Boots.

Louise is fronting up a Body Mass Index campaign for the store:

The 'Know Your Figure' campaign aims to educate Brits on how to work out the healthy weight range for their individual height and frame, rather than focusing on counting pounds and inches.

Although, erm, body mass index is discovered by counting pounds and inches and doing some maths with them. And the United Nations Standing Committee on Nutrition has some misgivings about the body mass index in the first place. And we're not sure that merely shifting the focus from pounds and ounces to BMI figures actually does anything very much about dealing with the problems which lead to men and women starving themselves to death, does it?

Next week, H from Steps cuts off a leg to investigate ramps outside libraries

Across 90 minutes of prime-time ITV last night, Louise Redknapp "investigated" the increasing incidence of eating disorders amongst young people driven by size zero by... going on a crash diet to try and become size zero.

Did anyone read the proposal twice? Investigating an illness by making yourself intentionally ill? Turning self-abuse into a prime-time spectator sport?

Did Louise not stop, when meeting girls being treated for anorexia, and think "maybe my approach of deliberately aping what they cannot control is a little ill-advised?" Did she not watch the rushes of her meeting with Mel C - someone who has had eating disorders for real - and notice that starting with an "I'm a little bit hungry" might be a jarring note?

The intentions - a Down To Size Nowt In Paris and London Fashion Weeks - were honorable, and there was no questioning Louise's passion or involvement. But have we really come to the stage where ITV so undervalues its audience that it thinks they might not get that starving yourself to death to fit someone else's idea of looking good is a bad thing, unless they have a celebrity act out for us? We don't need a sugar-free, low-calorie lolly to suck.

You make me feel naked, undressing me with your eyes

Louise ThatUsedToBeInEternal has decided the "size zero" hoohah is the perfect opportunity to bring her TV presenting career back from the digital channels ("is something calling out for proper investigation") and so is, erm, going on a diet to reach size zero for ITV1.

Of course, the idea is to tell everyone how terrible it is, which she almost does, too:

“But towards the end I remember thinking, ‘It’s kind of nice to feel your jeans loosening.’ Oh my God, it felt pretty good. It was the first time I could wear skinny jeans and flat shoes and not feel fat.

“At that point I actually liked my body better, which is frightening.

Psst... Louise, it's meant to be a moral crusade...

"But my face and neck looked gaunt and, anyway, I couldn’t have maintained it. I felt like crap.

Simultaneously feeling like crap and pretty good, then. Thanks for that insight.

Last night, ITV was railing against Pro-Ana sites; now, it's about to run a programme which is effectively a zero-plan diet:

During the diet, Louise survived on veg, oats, water and omelettes — fewer than 800 calories a day compared to the 2,000 she needed. She also ran or cycled three miles a day and worked out.

So, what has all this taught Louise? Erm...

“I’ve got to be honest and say that if I did a photoshoot now I’d still expect things about the pictures to be touched up, People wouldn’t want to look at you with all your dark circles under your eyes and your patchy skin.

“And I think that’s fine — as long as we talk about it and don’t cover it up. Girls just need to know that we don’t really look like that.”

Oh. Right. So it's fine to cover up, providing you don't cover up? Isn't that a little like not having your cake, and not eating it?