Thursday, October 23, 2003

GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS, BUT TRANSPARENT, WAYS: He hates POD so much that he makes the building they play in fall down in a bid to stop them. Talking at a Press Conference after the collapse of the ceiling, God said: "I must make it clear that I wasn't trying to kill them, only stop them from honouring me with their rock music. Goodness me, I don't want them dead, turning up at the Gates expecting to be let in because they spent the last few years banging away at their drum kits going on about how great I am. I mean, really, I created the entire bloody universe and all that swims and frolics on every planet - if people aren't going to throw their weight behind me after that lot do they really think some pale Limp Bizkit style shapes are going to turn sceptics into believers? I sent my only son to be crucified in a bid to save the world, didn't I? He had to perform miracles and make the ultimate sacrifice, and still I couldn't persuade any of you lot to give the old Commandments a try - why do POD think that making an ungodly racket is somehow going to make a difference? Frankly, I find it a little patronising that they seem to think that a couple of poorly-performed tracks from an underwhelming album is going to do more for my image than I can manage for myself." God then adjourned the Press Conference, to keep an appointment he had made for creating a torrential rainstorm in wherever Evervesance ihappen to be.

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