Saturday, March 24, 2012

Fictionalpopstarinspirationobit: Josie DeCarlo

Earlier this month, Josie DeCarlo died. She was married to Don DeCarlo, comic book creator. One time, on a cruise, she dressed as a cat, which was the moment of inspiration that led to one of the all-time-great made-up popstars.

This one:

Musical Youth must pass on The Dutchie

Given that you couldn't move at the time for people pointing out that Pass The Dutchie used to be a song about drugs, the real surprise is that it's taken until 2012 for the legal process to completly decide that it wasn't Musical Youth's song.

After they didn't get any cash when the song was in The Wedding Singer, they tried to sue their solicitors for bad advice. That's failed too.

Of course, this sort of behaviour in court didn't exactly help the case, either:

Gordon in the morning: JLS bring their own sunshine

Gordon was very excited by Sport Relief last night:

JLS hitched a ride on a high-speed water taxi to get between their Sport Relief appearance and London's O2 gig last night.
Since high speed water taxis are part of every day London infrastructure, this is a bit like breathlessly reporting your pizza was delivered by a man on a motorscooter.

Still, Gordon has photos of the event:
Except JLS were on-stage at 9.30 for Sport Relief, which makes it strange - if it was such a dash - that it was daylight when they were on the Thames.

Maybe these pictures were from a dry run - no pun intended, honest - but if the BBC showed a rehearsal shot and claimed it was the real thing, the papers would be throwing Safeguarding Trust guidelines at Mark Thompson before you could say Queengate.

Also, with Television Centre not being anywhere near the river, would a water taxi really have sped up the process of getting there?

Friday, March 23, 2012

Radiohead: Can't keep touts out

Radiohead were pretty clear: they didn't want electrotouts ViaGoGo selling their tickets on at a profit. Indeed, they even did a deal with Ticket Trust to make mark-uped selling-on pointless.

It hasn't stopped ViaGoGo from grabbing tickets and whacking them on sale at a massive mark-up - you'd need about £1,600 to be able to purchase from them.

It's odd, ViaGoGo don't seem to understand why they're seen as fundamentally more evil than old-style touts who stood in the rain and would cut you a deal. They really don't understand.

[Thanks to @Pedro_Dee]

James Dean Bradfield: Sweatin' out my soul on the radio

For the next couple of weeks, James Dean Bradfield is sitting in for Bethan Elfyn on Radio Wales of a Saturday night.

Bookmarks: Neil Tennant

Humanizing The Vacuum has exhumed Neil Tennant's 1992 Details piece in praise of hate:

Positivity is fundamentally middle-class. It’s about having the time, the space and the money to sort out where your head is at. Therapy is just another side of positivity. It’s a leisure activity, a luxury for people who don’t have any real cares. It’s new age selfishness, the new way of saying that charity begins at home.

And positivity makes the world stay the same. Hatred is the force that moves society along, for better or for worse. People aren’t driven by saying, “Oh wow, I’m at peace with myself.” They’re driven by their hatred of injustice, hatred of unfairness, of how power is used.

Gordon in the morning: Cowell edits himself into sex tape

It's right, of course, that Tulisa shouldn't be dropped from The X Factor because someone else is selling a video of her having sex. In fact, it's so obvious, that it's not entirely clear why Simon Cowell felt the need to issue a long statement about it.

Well, obviously, it's entirely clear why he did it; because he's happy to use is employee's embarrassment as another front to promote his programme on.

He took the opportunity to slag off the guy who sold the tape...

He should literally find a hole and hide in it for the next week.
Possibly not the best choice of words.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Gordon in the morning: Taped

There's an unfortunate juxtaposition on Gordon's pages this morning:

That's the only amusing moment in something of a grim morning, as Tulisa has been bullied into admitting that she is in the sex tape after all:
X FACTOR judge Tulisa Contostavlos last night apologised to fans as she admitted it was her in a sex tape touted online.
So, if I've got this story straight, she was filmed by someone she thought she could trust in the bedroom; that person then flogged the tape; the tape was touted around porn firms; aided by The Sun's promotion, the footage was put online and charged for; she tried to pretend it wasn't her but the Sun, and former friends, rushed forward to insist it was and now she's been bullied into putting out a video effectively confirming the provenance of the tape.

What is it, exactly, that she's "apologising to fans" for?

Given that she's the one who has had her privacy so brutally invaded, and been gleefully pursued by Gordon and his team, shouldn't the apologies be flowing in the opposite direction?

I suppose you could try and condemn her for having tried to pretend that it wasn't her in the film, as if there's some sort of law insisting that if you're violated and exposed on the internet you're obliged to identify yourself.

But you'd have to be a bit a bit of an asshat to believe that. Not quite as much of an asshat as someone who'd flog off the sex videos on their phone; and obviously nowhere as near an asshat as a person who would use the pages of a national newspaper to bully you over it. But an asshat nevertheless.

The Telegraph reported this week that Murdoch is apparently trying to offload his UK newspapers. Behaviour like this would make a skip the most obvious place to do that.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Cud-jet 2012: Only A Prawn In Whitby

This seems to have been lifted from a Festive Fifty rundown:

That concludes the 2012 Cud-jet. It's affordable, it's enjoyable, and I commend this Cud-jet to the house.

Cud-jet 2012: Neurotica

From late-night rolling Gary Crowley popsmear The Beat:

Cud-jet 2012: BBC Leeds interview

Let's just a pause a moment to look inside the heads of Cud, via this Look Out interview:

Cud-jet 2012: Art! Live

From their prime, a 1987 live performance:

Cud-jet 2012: I've Had It With Blondes Live

From the 2010 reunion Brixton Hootenanny gig:

Cud-jet 2012: You Sexy Thing

No, no, Carl: You sexy thing:

Cud-jet 2012: Lola / Hey! Wire

Snipped from the legendary Transmission late-night indiefest, two rarely-spotted Cud promo videos:

Cud-jet 2012: Rich & Strange

As alternative programming, if you can't bring yourself to watch George Osborne, No Rock And Roll Fun is proud to bring you the 2012 Cud-Jet.

First, Rich and Strange:

[Buy: Rich And Strange mp3 downloads]

The Cud-jet 2012 in full:
Lola/Hey Wire
You Sexy Thing
I've Had It With Blondes
BBC Leeds interview

Gordon in the morning: Just tee off

Not only is Gordon Smart doing the pointless golf thing again this year, but he's now convinced that it's such an important event, he's doing a preview. A preview of a jolly.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

A Brilleaux idea

You'll have online petitions shoved at your on an almost hourly basis of course - 'save the pickles!'; 'ban fretwork!'; 'spend taxes on making me pretty!' and so on.

Here's another one for your consideration: Focal Point Gallery are campaigning for a statue of Dr Feelgood's Lee Brilleaux in Southend-on-Sea.

Did I mention it's going to be 300 foot tall and covered in Gold?

[Hat-tip: StereoSanctity]

Beats buys MOG

MOG, which those of you with longer memories will recall as plotting to turn music blogs into pure gold, is going to be bought up by Beats, the only faintly ridiculous headphones/somehow-musical-laptop brand.

I know what you're thinking: why would you buy MOG? In god's name, why would you do that? Why?

Well, the New York Times helpfully points out that while Dr Dre is the face of Beats, it's mostly owned by mobile phone company HTC; they might think MOG's music streaming service (or at least the deals it has cut to make it possible) could be valubale if you wanted to plug a music service into a telephone handset.

Not entirely sure what will happen to the blog network, but the smart money would be on it having a sack pulled over its head and being driven out of town.

Gordon in the morning: Fake

Oh, simply everybody who, in a low light might look a little like someone famous has a sex tape, darling:

The quotes around 'fake' might suggest that there's some doubt over if the film really is Tulisa or not. The story makes it clear that there is no Tulisa sex tape, online or off.

In fact, the quotes would seem to belong to the word 'row' - as there doesn't seem to be one, just a swift legally-enforced takedown.

In effect, what Gordon and his typing chums -
- have done is give over a large chunk of a "family" newspaper to describing a porn video with anonymous participants in it:
The film, from a high quality camera phone, shows a blonde performing a sex act for over six minutes.
A high quality camera phone, you say? Why, that sounds like the sort of equipment you'd only have access to if you were rich, or famous, or capable of having walked into a Carphone Warehouse at some point in the last few years.

Since Gary and Colin clearly aren't stupid, they know the video is just somebody else, but they're desperate to...well, fake it up:
Tulisa Contostavlos at centre of sex video storm
She isn't. She's on the edge of it.

The more interesting question is, if Gordon would be leading on the film, providing what sounds like a QVC sales pitch...:
An internet firm put the footage online, charging £3.90 to download it. The site was suspended yesterday afternoon.
... if it really was a film of Tulisa having sex. Would encouraging readers to seek out film of a named person fucking be the sort of invasion of that person's privacy that The Sun is pretending it doesn't do while Leveson is sitting?

Monday, March 19, 2012

Gordon in the morning: Weight a minute

Gordon claims this morning that Adele is on some sort of a diet.

Really? How does he know?

A source said...
Oh, so it's almost certainly bollocks then.

But how will Gordon explain this story if, in a couple of months time, Adele hasn't shuffled into line and adopted the only acceptable body shape for a young woman in the public eye?
But although she is keen to drop a few pounds, she has been telling pals she doesn't want any weight loss to give the wrong impression to her female fans.
Aha! So Gordon's big story is basically 'woman might be planning to eat more healthily; unlikely you'll spot a difference'.

In effect, this is just a bullying piece having a go at Adele for not looking like Kate Moss, hung on made-up friends. Business as usual at The Sun.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Twittergem: Dean Friedman

Very, very well played, sir:

Bob Geldof: Well, tonight, thank God, it's mine instead of yours

Who was the keynote speaker at the annual global gathering of Private Equity firms in Berlin last month?

Why, it was Bob Geldof.

Not just there because 'putting Geldof on the bill' is an easy way to pretend you're socially responsible and ethical, but also because Geldof is one of them:

He is now the chairman of an Africa-focused private equity fund which said earlier this month it had raised $200 million from investors, close to half its targeted size of $450 million.

Dubbed 8 Miles, the fund plans to invest in companies that can develop into "African champions" in sectors such as agribusiness, telecoms and consumer goods.

"We put together our little thing - a goldilocks thing, not too small, not too big, just right. And we will make a lot of money, a lot. For me I want to leave behind me firms, farms, factories. Fuck the money, that's me," Geldof said.
Geldof's fund is promising a rate of return of 25% - or, in other words, is promising to take a large chunk of any wealth created straight back out of the continent into the developed world.

But remember, Geldof's not really bothered about the money:
Geldof referenced the big payday of some of private equity's titans, including Henry Kravis and George Roberts, who got $94 million each in 2011 from buyout firm KKR & Co LP , in also making a wider case for philanthropy.

"You have got the four houses, the three jets, the 10 cars, the 65th fucking Picasso. What's the point? So its stuff, and right now it's the stuff that will get us out of that mess," Geldof said.
So, Geldof's big idea is that you encourage people to invest in Africa, to rake enormous profits out the natural resources and endeavours of those who live there, on the sort-of-off-chance that the people who've made all that money will decide they don't really need it and give some of it back?

Righto, Bob.

Because, as we know, it's not like Bob Geldof is greedy, is it?

In other news: Oh, look, Geldof's playing a tax dodge:
The country is missing out on more than £1bn in tax as the rich and famous have registered thousands of their exclusive properties into offshore companies, it has been revealed.

Town houses, mansions, vast country estates and castles are among the 94,760 properties which have been placed offshore, according to the Land Registry.
Rock stars Mick Jagger and Bob Geldof and Ringo Starr are among the many who have taken advantage of the loophole.
BVI companies own poverty campaigner Geldof's homes in London and Kent which his spokesman said was 'perfectly legitimate' tax planning and not a way to avoid stamp duty.
Ah, 'prefectly legitimate tax planning'. It's an irregular verb, isn't it?

I plan my taxes
You avoid your taxes
He dodges his taxes

Did I say that the private equity industry could cite inviting Geldof as an example of its social commitment? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they should have avoided tarnishing their reputation by bringing him along.

This week just gone

The most-read things so far this month:

1. Happy birthday, NME
2. Noel Gallagher would bring back TOTP so he'd have something to complain about
3. What is Gordon Smart's obsession with Walk Like A Panther?
4. Kanye disturbs the palace. Except he doesn't.
5. NME selling 12,000? "Categorically untrue"
6. Michael Jackson's back catalogue 'hacked'
7. Got a DVD? Warner Brothers want you to take it to a shop to rip it
8. The Economist gets its 6Music facts wrong
9. Frank Skinner: The Brits aren't as good as when I presented them to a smaller audience
10. David Cameron: Big fan of Thin Lizzy, apparently

These were the interesting releases:


Download EP2

The Decemberists - We All Raise Our Voices To The Air

Download We All Raise...

The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing
- This May Be The Reason Why The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing Cannot Be Killed By Conventional Weapons

Grimes - Grimes

Download Grimes