Friday, December 05, 2003

COURTNEY: NOW BELIEVES JUST FOURTEEN TYPES OF BUG UNDER SKIN, ONLY ONE FIFTH OF THE WORLD OUT TO GET HER: According to her lawyers, Courtney Love has spent the last two weeks in rehab and is making slow progress towards working out which porter will slip her something extra under her rough, rough blanket ("towards drying out.") Courtney had planned to have a private nurse help her straighten up at home, but it seems that her people persuaded her to go to a court-approved facility instead because "lets face it, otherwise nobody in authority is going to believe the bottle labelled 'Courtney's Pure Wee' is really coming from the uber-widow's own bladder, are they?" ("It's just a lot easier than having someone fly around with you and submitting urine samples.")

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