Sunday, January 04, 2004

TAKING IT ON THE CHIN: We thought Brian May got off quite lightly on Channel 4's 100 Worst Songs - sure, there was a bit of sport at the expense of his and Anita's hair, and the dreadful crypt-raiding that was the [surviving members of] Queen and Blue was rightfully castigated - not because Queen are an easy target, but for good musical reasons. Nevertheless, Brian may is not happy and has taken time out of his busy schedule "adding his six penn'orth of guitar to resident rock axeman" in Madrid to fume off about the whole show, and anyone ever connected with it, and all of Channel 4 and, oh, the world is terrible:

The 100 worst songs...? my bowels heave with despair.... without even looking at the list you get this awful feeling of thousands of bitter little people sitting around smirking while finding something to vent their vindictiveness on.

We're not sure that we like the idea of Brian May's bowels heaving, with despair or otherwise, since any odd flatualent noise he makes seems to wind up being released sooner or later; especially if Ford are willing to pay for it.

Oh yes; the Great British Public, in another display of lame negativity ..... while the rest of the world seems to actually get out there and enjoy life, we Brits sit at home in front of the Telly, or down the pub, slagging off anything that makes us feel threatened, because being able to put someone down makes you feel big, don't it?

Yes, it's sadly true - that's exactly what the British are like. Where else could a song about how radio is shit these days, and how music is rubbish, not like in the olden days, would make the charts? "All we hear is... radio ga-ga"...

Do those dullards at Channel 4 REALLY have nothing better to turn their minds to ? What a pile of worthless Horse-Poo. (actually horse-poo is MUCH more useful - it makes flowers grow..) If "Candle in the Wind" is a bad song, monkeys are flying out of my ass at this very moment.

It's all about bottoms with you, isn't it, Brian? At the risk of helping spider monkeys flee from your buttocks, we'd have to point out that Candle In The Wind wasn't on the list - Candle in The Wind 97 was, and that was there for the perfectly valid reason that Elton John couldn't even be arsed to write a new song for the biggest gig of his life, but just plucked a tribute he'd written for someone else and changed a few words to get round the awkward details that didn't fit (like Diana wasn't found in the nude, and he'd actually been for tea with her whereas he never knew Marilyn, and so on). Even the Franklin Mint went to the trouble of making original horrible little plates to mark the occassion - they didn't just slap a new label on "Little Angels." Surely fair grounds to castigate Elton?

Grow up, people - find something worthwhile and creative to do with your time. If any of you had spent the equivalent amount of time WRITING a song, even if it was utter crap, it would have been a more worthwhile use of your energy than this pointless and utimately self-negating exercise.

Self-negating? A chart of the 100 worst singles cancels itself out? How does that work, exactly?

Oh, and Brian... you really want Jimmy Carr to write songs in place of presenting light entertainment shows? Are you sure?

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