No Rock And Roll Fun

TELL THEM WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY... TELL THEM IT... AND THEN TELL THEM WHAT YOU'VE TOLD THEM: By the time the NME award results make it into the magazine, they'll be as cold as Pete Doherty. They were announced last night, the website has them today; they're on the telly on Sunday night (MTV2, Sunday at nine pm)... the big poll winners issue on the newstand on Thursday may as well also be carrying the news that Buddy Holly has passed away, leaving a bereftness.

Anyway, who won what, then?

Best Radio Show: Zane Lowe
Best New Band (supported by Radio 1): Kings Of Leon
Best Video (supported by MTV2): Radiohead - 'There There'
Best Single: The White Stripes - '7 Nation Army'
Best Film: 'Lord Of The Rings - Return Of The King'
Rock And Roll Man Of The Year: Har Mar Superstar
Best Live Band (supported by Carling): Queens Of The Stone Age
Living Legend: Arthur Lee
Philip Hall Radar Award: Franz Ferdinand
Best Event: Glastonbury
The Fuck Me! Award For Innovation: Dizzee Rascal
Best International Band (supported by 4Music): Kings Of Leon
Best TV Show: The Office
Rock 'N' Roll Woman Of The Year: Brody Dalle
Best UK Band (supported by BPI): The Libertines
Best Album (supported by Virgin Megastores): Radiohead - 'Hail To The Thief'
Godlike Genius: Ozzy Osbourne

The most interesting thing about the awards is that they really have drifted from their original brief (when the awards show was resurrected) of being the alternative to the Brits - indeed, the Best UK Band prize is now being underwritten by the BPI, who hand out the Brits as well. Which is kind of cosy. That title goes to the Libertines - let's hope this time they share the statue and Pete doesn't have to go breaking and entering to pinch it, shall we? Radiohead's Hail to Thief finally gets some unquestioning applause - hitherto, almost every Poll and Consideration has given a grudging "Well, yes, it's good but its not anything we didn't know you were capable of." Godlike genius award to Ozzy? Maybe, but we can't really see why; if he'd have got this a few years back, maybe, but 'aah, diddums, holding daughter's hand on grandma's favourite christmas record' + 'propping up wife's increasingly murder-inducing US TV career' + 'can't operate a fucking remote control' + 'can't even drive a kiddie's toy tractor without almost killing himself' isn't really adding up to genius in our eyes. People who fancy women get off far better than people who fancy men - Har Mar isn't really up to scratch with Brody Dalle, is he? We're a bit surprised at the Kings of Leon getting the best new band prize - it's notable that the magazine gave the undemocratic Philip Hall On Award to Franz Ferdindand instead, presumably figuring that they're the band more likely to be remembered in three year's time.

But what's so innovative about Dizzee Rascal?