Tuesday, March 09, 2004

BLAME IT ON THE BELLBOY: Kiril emails us in the wake of the David Crosby bust to lament the low standards of New York hotel staff:

I am appalled at the behavior of the NY bellhop who turned in David Crosby's bag of weapons and drugs. As a former room service monkey at a venerable New Orleans hotel, I am familiar with the protocol for handling forgotten bags, to wit--
1. Under the pretense of looking for identification, search the bag.
2. Anything illegal is yours.
3. Any dildos, pornography, etc., should be replaced on top.
4. When the owner returns, be present when the bag is checked. The look they give you when they realize their drugs are gone is priceless.
5. Shamelessly angle for a reward for finding the bag. If no consideration is forthcoming, say loudly that no tip is necessary, as the pleasure of a job well done is reward enough. At this point, the mark will momentarily stop walking away, but will not turn to face you, before continuing to the taxi stand.
6. Go hide in a supply closet and get stoned with the bartender.
And this is in the genteel South! Did Bloomberg confiscate New York's balls along with the cigarettes?

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