Wednesday, April 28, 2004

HELL FREEZES OVER: FROST GETS DEAL: The new era of solo Atomic Kittens has begun, with Jenny Frost being the first of the scouse sugababes to sign a deal. Apparently, the reason why she's gone with a tiny label run by her manager is because she wants to be in control of her image and not, as you might have thought, because there weren't any double-length bargepoles knocking around in the London labels. Curiously, although she is relishing the chance to seize control of her own destiny, the label has called in Keith 'did something with Kylie in 94' Blackhurst to, um, tell her what her own image might be. The plan, you'll be surprised to hear, is to market her as a "sexy, edgy diva", right up there with our business plan to try and establish a silk purse manufacturers using the porker ears left over from the Walls Sausages factory. You can stick Frost in a pudena-skimming skirt, and push her breasts up so high she can pick boogers out her nose with her nipples, but it won't change the fact that she was in the twenty-first century's dumbed down Bananarama and is edging into the mutton-dressed-as-lamb sector. Of course, they could try and sell her in a more dignified way, as a long-haul torch singer or a new Streisand, but that, of course, would require a greater investment than a wonderbra and a bucket of Oil of Olay. And a bit of talent.

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