No Rock And Roll Fun

HOW THE HELL WOULD HE WRAP IT, ANYWAY?: Pity Paul McCartney... he goes to all the trouble of sneaking out to record a rare Beatles song as a surprise Christmas present for Heather and the wee kiddie, and the Sun goes and spoils the surprise. We can imagine that for the next few days it's going to be tricky at Macca Towers:

- You swear you didn't see the Sun on Monday?
- No, Paul, why?
- Oh, no reason...

And then on Christmas Day, Heather's going to have to try and act surprised - "oh, wow, a Beatles song of my very own... " and try and act like she's thrilled that the richest man in the entire world hasn't bought her something like Berkshire but has instead just slapped together a song he must have written with someone else in mind over thirty years ago. And you thought giving your girlfriend ill-fitting crotchless panties was a bad idea...