No Rock And Roll Fun

WHO'S FOOLING WHO?: Ozzy Osbourne was delighted to receive a letter from Paul Martin, the Canadian Premier, offering him the key to Montreal, and spent some time on the phone talking to "Martin" before realising the whole thing smelled a bit fishy. IT turns out the whole thing is a hoax, although we're fascinated by just how inept you'd have to be at pretending to be the Canadian PM for even Ozzy Osbourne to work out you were a fake. Ozzy's turned the whole thing over to the cops. Or at least he rang some people on the telephone who said they were cops, but we're not so sure about that, either, judging by what Ozzy's spokesperson says their reaction was:

"That letter and email and phone call were a hoax. The police are going to be proceeding with trying to prosecute these people because they've actually put the Prime Minister's signature on the document, which is highly illegal, and he can be imprisoned for up to 15 years. Ozzy says, "It could be an assassin or something."

Mmm. An incredibly rubbish assasin, though: what, he was planning for Ozzy to turn up at the Canadian Parliament building, done up to the nines, expecting an award and then to die of shame when he found out his error? And not even in pre-lawless Iraq was sending a spoof letter really going to attract a lot of police attention - we can just picture the boys in Montreal A Precinct, call on the speakerphone: "What, Mr. Osbourne... yes, we'll scour the nation for this guy... why, he could get fifteen years for sending a false letter to a pop star... he's just lucky it wasn't a bilingual spoof, he'd be looking at thirty years then..."