Tuesday, May 24, 2005


It's almost worth it to see the look on Chris Martin's face, but no; the horror of the Crazy Frog beating anything to number one is too deep to even enjoy the image of Bono ringing up Chris:

- Hi, Chris, it's Bono Vox from international act U2 here
- Oh, hi, Bono...
awkward silence
... I mean, Mr. Vox... what can I do for you?
- Well, Chris, as you know, I'm currently saving Africa single-handed at the same time as fronting the world's biggest band on an enormous tour, and I had spoken to you earlier about you accompanying me to have tea and cakes with George Bush and Tony Blair, my close personal friends.
- Ooh, yes, I'm very excited about that...
- Well, you can't come now
- Wh...?
- Sorry, Chris, we need to be high impact, high visibility and Coldplay are Oldplay. I'm going to take someone a little more now, a little more yes, a little more Bono to the G8 instead...
- Not the fucking Franz Ferdinands?
- Nope, I'm going with the Crazy Frog. Only his strange motorbike impression can help us cut through the mountains of red tape and ensure we get the Bono Statue b... I mean, Africa free of debt and, uh, you know... that whatsisname... poetry...
- Poverty?
- That's the monkey. Knew you'd understand, kiddo. Give my love to Renee...

Some "chart expert" (seems to be a PR chap from HMV, according to a lazyGoogle) seems to be delighted with the news that we've managed to find a way down from Oasis at number one:

"Music purists might not be too happy at the prospect of the Crazy Frog outselling Coldplay, but it shouldn't come as that much of a surprise when you consider its huge novelty appeal and the massive amount of exposure its currently getting.

”Kids obviously find it cute and cool, but students and even office workers seem to be drawn to its rather kitsch, ironic appeal. The only real issue is whether the record label can press enough copies to keep up with the huge demand that we're seeing right now."

'kids' can be forgiven for being childish, although I can't imagine any child over the age of about six getting thrilled by the Frog, but "students and even office workers" should know better. The thing is, there's nothing attractive about the frog and there's certainly no irony there at all - if anyone can find any shard of anything to say other than "it's a stupid noise which morons are paying over shedloads of cash to have follow them around, apparently in a rush to ensure that there is a working example of how fools and their money are soon parted", we'll award them a Regis Chair of Popular Culture, a couple of sacks of porter and book token.