Cod science is overfished

We're sceptical about how much science has actually gone into the discovery of the saddest song ever, because while Dr Harry Witchel, an expert in physiology and music, is doubtless a fine man, he's carried out his investigations at the behest of a mobile phone manufacturer to help push the idea that your telephone can function as a record player.

His findings?

Sad tunes lowered heart rate, happy ones rekindled good memories and made test subjects sigh and exhilarating ones made them breathe heavier.

Happy songs remind you of happy times. Whoever would have thought?

Mind you, Witchel claims that Lily Allen's LDN is the "happiest song" of all time - because, after all, who wouldn't have a little smile to themselves hearing of a crack whore and her pimp and an old lady having her wedding ring stolen?

The most "exhilarating" song is Blur's Song 2 - here, we imagine, the well-known Hoffmeister Correlation was brought into play, which states "the more times a song is used to flog dodgy beer or rubbish films, the more exhilarating that song will be."

And the top ten sad songs?

1 The Drugs Don’t Work — The Verve
2 Angels — Robbie Williams
3 Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word — Elton John
4 I Will Always Love You — Whitney Houston
5 Nothing Compares 2 U — Sinead O’Connor
6 Leave Right Now — Will Young
7 Are You Lonesome Tonight? — Elvis Presley
8 Beautiful — Christina Aguilera
9 Goodbye My Lover — James Blunt
10 Fake Plastic Trees — Radiohead

But isn't Beautiful meant to be empowering rather than sad? And how can you have a list like this without Gloomy Sunday on it? Or any Joy Division?

music depression bad science