Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Amy Winehouse does drugs

We're still a little confused as to why The Sun thinks that the revelation that Amy Winehouse does drugs is worth clearing the front page for: didn't we already know this?

Of course, it dresses this up as a concerned friend rather than a gawping bystander poking the fuck-up with a stick:

It will horrify relatives and friends who fear she could soon end up dead.

Because, of course, her family and friends don't already know she's addicted.

And, the trouble is, that beyond 'this is a video of Amy doing what we've already told you she does', there's little to add, beyond describing what's on the video:
At one point, lank-haired Amy is warned to watch out for smashed glass on the floor as she scours a bedroom for her kitten barefoot.

Funny name for a kitten.

To pad out the story some more, The Sun consults experts:
What the experts think

Amongst these 'experts' is
Ex-Crack Addict

- so, presumably, this makes her the paper's crack expert?

Simms tells what it's like being a crack addict:
I was convinced people were coming with guns to kill me.

It's not clear if this was drug-driven paranoia or dealers coming to settle debts.

Simms doesn't have very much to add, so the paper also consults
Youth Worker

He's worried that this makes kids thinks drugs are alright:
I don’t think too many young people will be impressed by what she did, but it normalises drug taking for them.

They see Amy Winehouse doing well and winning awards, then smoking crack.

She’s sending out the message that it doesn’t affect her career.

So, in effect, The Sun shouldn't be trumpeting about her drug-taking as it sends out the wrong message?

There's room for one more expert. Who to ask?
Sun Columnist

Jane also wants Amy locked up:
Surely... the time has come to have her sectioned under the Mental Health Act?

While it might be insane to smoke crack, can you actually be sectioned for taking drugs?

Never mind, Jane has got another idea:
The temptation is to drag her by her egg-yellow hair round a ward at Great Ormond Street Hospital and show her the children fighting to stay alive.

To hammer into her thick skull that she’s lucky enough to have a healthy body and mind that she’s wilfully choosing to destroy.

Ah, yes. Take her to see some sick kiddies. That'd make all the difference. (And, probably, scare the sick kiddies.) If that fails, it's either got to be National Service or a referendum on the European Treaty.

Thank God the Sun has experts on hand. Otherwise we might think they were just publishing sensationalist froth.

Drug addict takes drugs. Hold the front page.


Olive said...

I try to avoid quoting Python (there must be a corollary to Godwin's law concerning it), but the tone of the advice given reminded me of LIfe of Brian:

"Nail 'em up I say! Nail some sense into them!"

Anonymous said...

Amongst these 'experts' is

Ex-Crack Addict

- so, presumably, this makes her the paper's crack expert?

Well of course. You've heard of 'crack correspondents' haven't you?

Anonymous said...

Moore the slag from sun newpsaper says we should lock up amy winehouse, that is rich coming from a slut like her who has bullied and goaded her way to the top. She is a nasty creep bully like her stupid ellie the bitch her lot are scum and presents true bullying broken life.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ms Winehouse, for weighing in. I, too, have unreasoning hatred for people who bully and goad their way through things--damn goaders! Indeed, I'm so blind with rage that it's a wonder I can type coherently.

There can be no doubt that the "Nasty Creep Bully" contingent unfairly takes the spotlight away from Winehouse, or whoever our infinitely more deserving celeb-junkie-of-the-moment happens to be.

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