Saturday, May 24, 2008

Gordon in the morning: Taking the biscuit

Why on earth would Gordon be running a photo of Claire Richards from Steps? Because she's put on a tiny bit of weight, and has given Gordon a chance to poke fun at someone for the way they look.

Yes, with a face like his.

He's also not very good at it:

She has admitted in the past that her weight does YoYo and I know how she feels – I love those little beauties with the green foil wrappers too.

The fairly obscure chocolate biscuit joke was actually the build to the punchline - which Gordon had set up earlier on with this piece of obtuse logic:
CLAIRE RICHARDS from STEPS used to sing 5, 6, 7, 8.

But I reckon she’s been singing 5-4-3-2-1, tucking into the old school lunchbox chocolate biccie favourite.

Now, we're as fond as the next man of obscure and defunct products, and would - given the slightest opportunity - churn out half a page on Banjos ("Banjo/banjo/Banjo is brand-new/light and crispy wafers and thick milk chocolate too") but we wouldn't have thought that the typical Sun reader would remember the old Manfred Mann-themed biscuit. Still, don't let that get in the way of an excuse for running a picture of a not-even-overweight person, eh?

Elsewhere, Gordon gets a little too excited about the new Coldplay album. Actually, way too excited:
[T]he innocuous sleeve with an obscure codename was in fact holding the biggest album of the year — possibly the decade.

After some fawning, and then some more fawning, Smart delivers his uber-fawning conclusion:
They set out to make a musical equivalent of a work of art — and succeeded. They’ve come a long way since singing about the colour yellow.

Steady on, Gordon. Keep something in reserve for the next Kasabian album.