Monday, June 02, 2008

Suzanne Shaw, the wholesome face of plastic people

Suzanne Shaw's hopes that going on Strictly Come Dancing On The Ice would revive her career are being handsomely rewarded. Well, we say "handsomely"; it's more kind-of-good-looking if you like that kind of thing. And ignore one side of the face.

She's been signed up to sing the title song for a Barbie DVD that comes out later this year.

Suzanne, of course, has a lot of knowledge of the specialist home video market, what with her name being linked to a porn video. The saleability of the clip seems to have improved more sharply than that of Shaw herself off the back of her renewed fame, although the video is just of someone who looks like her. Shaw has threatened to sue anyone who tries to pass off the footage as being of her, although to be honest, we'd rather have been in a porn flick than admit to having been in Hear'Say.


Anonymous said...

Ooh, I'm sort-of connected to this story... I can vouch for the porn video's ropiness; When it first surfaced, I was working for an 'adult entertainment' company - Nothing exciting, just a web programmer (with the occasional bit of fluffing work in my lunch-break). When offered the 'Suzanne Shaw' video, the company paid handsomely for the rights to sell it online.

When the video arrived, it was as if we'd been trusted with the Coca-Cola recipe; It came in in a locked suitcase and was only allowed to be loaded onto one PC for uploading, no copies made. This was a top-security operation.

As us webspods uploaded and tested it, it was clear to us that it was a very expensive, very bad fake. Someone had found a woman with the same haircut as Shaw, drawn a matching tattoo on her back then filmed her in the shower, taking care not to show her face. We didn't have the heart to say anything though, such was the company's conviction that they had taken delivery of the Crown Jewels of scud.

I'd like to apologise to anyone who paid £9.95 to download any of the five clips into which the mercenary buggers split it :(

Simon Hayes Budgen said...

Blimey. I came into possession - and I can't remember for the life of me how - of a flier which must have come from your company, James, which tried to talk up the video by stressing that "Suzanne" not only made the video, she didn't know the cameraman who shot it - which I loved for its apparent belief that porn is somehow less porny if you get a mate to shoot it. Sorry, bad choice of words. To film it.

Anonymous said...

Arf! Must've been quite a socially awkward occasion, that video-shoot.
Cameraman: "Hi, I'll be filming you today. If you could just pop your clothes over there, we can get started..."
Model: "OK! I'm Edna, by the way. And you are..."
Cameraman: "Um, I can't tell you. You're not supposed to know who I am. Long story."
Model: "Oh... What should I call you then? 'Mr Cameraman'?"
Cameraman: "Yes, that'll-"
Sound-man: "Hi! Sorry I'm late, couldn't find my slap-bass. Are we ready then, Steve?"
Cameraman: "SHUT UP!!!"

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