Sunday, April 12, 2009

Easter track smackdown: Round eight - Wilfrid Brambell

Oh, yes, digital world - you might have no problem serving up a slice of Bernard Cribbins playing it straight. But what of Wilfrid Brambell's Second Hand? Can you find me that?

This is, by the way, a lovely song - Brambell clearly playing off his most famous role as Albert Steptoe, lamenting that everything he's ever owned has been found, borrowed or pre-enjoyed, before concluding that even his wife was second hand. You could write a book about what the song says about attitudes to female sexuality in the post-War era.

But not before you've heard the song, of course. Can you help, the internet?

It's probably not surprising, given Spotify's disappointing performance, that it can't help here. Although it does suggest Steve Winwood's Second Hand Woman might fill the gap. No points.

Last FM:
Tantalisingly, Last FM has scrabbled its scrobbles and says that, in all of recorded history, it's spotted three people playing Wilfrid Brambell but, shrugging, it doesn't even know the name of any songs he might have sung. Zero.

iTunes doesn't have a clue. And considering a search for Bernard Cribbins tried to palm us off with the Frenzy movie, you'd have at least hoped they would have come up with Steptoe And Son Ride Again. Apple fail. Zero.

Once we can stop it getting excited about the prospect of "advert free days", we7 unsurprisingly offers nothing by Wilf, but does bring forward a surprising number of songs called Second Hand. It's not exactly a brand new name, is it? [You may now chuckle, if you wish. No? Oh.]

Lots of Wilf on YouTube, of course, including his appearances on Citizen Smith, Holiday On The Buses and in the Beatles movie with Beatles. But doing Second Hand? Not a sniff. No points.

Even our leader Amazon can't help with this one, although it does suggest - in order - a Steptoe box set, a photo of Wilf Brambell, and an audio cassette. A tape. A point off for making a suggestion from the wrong bloody decade.

Imeem doesn't offer any suggestions at all - not even something from New Boots And Panties - and shows an advert which seems to suggest a weight-loss product might also perform surgeryless gender realignment. And YouTube worry they have trouble attracting quality advertising. Zero.

Completing another failure on the part of the Internet As A Whole, eMusic doesn't have anything, either. It does score a point for suggesting I might like to look at tracks composed by Wilfrid Brambell, and then loses it for instead listing other composers called Wilfrid.

So, as the web proves to not be quite all it's cracked up to be, no change in the rankings, then:

Amazon - 43
iTunes - 34
YouTube - 29
LastFM - 22
Imeem - 20
eMusic - 19
We7 - 09

Coming later today, round nine; and a band named for a Tony Robinson series, with a hymn to someone off Red Dwarf. Can the internet do better?


Anonymous said...

I can't believe this. Earlier when you clued the next song my first thought was Wilfrid Brambell but I instantly dismissed it as stupid. "There's surely no way Brambell ever released any songs" Still, you learn something new everyday.

Anyway I was interested so googled it and found that this comp has it : It also has 47 other "classics"

James said...

Ooh! Ooh! Is it 'Where's Clare Grogan Now' by the Fat Tulips?

Simon Hayes Budgen said...

I think you should have some points, James...

And anonymous - you've got to admire that Carry On album for its tenuous linking of anyone who ever appeared in a Carry On, no matter how small their part. Windsor Davies!

I've heard one of Bernard Breslaw's songs somewhere... the thought of an album with more on scares me...

James said...

Wahey! I'll be well chuffed if I beat We7.

anon#1 said...

I'm tempted to buy it if only for Kenneth Williams' "Pewter Wooglers Bangling Song" I've never heard it but the title is the sort of thing only ELP could come close to recording!

Should add here a thanks for pointing out the disgraceful behaviour of amazon in your things to buy column at the side (sorry for the link above). Absolutely disgusting to see them doing this.

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