Saturday, June 06, 2009

Gordon in the morning: Take That's value range

Having done his best review of Kasabian earlier in the week, today Gordon takes to reveiwing Take That's new stadium show.

Yes, you're right - they haven't actually played one yet. But Gordon was given special access:

I was invited to see Britain’s favourite man band play their full dress rehearsal for the tour at Sunderland FC’s Stadium of Light.

Gordon, as we know, is a generous guest, and always repays special treats with generous write-ups. So, despite the That dressing up as clowns - clowns - he is full of applause:
Take That delivered the kind of pop production on Thursday night that should be the blueprint for any live stadium show — and all for £50.

Double that amount would be a fair price for the sheer entertainment value.

I would gladly sell any, or all, of my kidneys for a chance to see the show, and my first born. I can't believe they're only charging fifty pounds, which I didn't pay anyway...
In fact it was so good that a 6ft 4in hardman from Dundee whispered to me half way through the show that he no longer wanted to be in OASIS — he’d rather be in Take That.

Gordon took a hardman to see Take That? And is he suggesting that the band are so brilliant, even tall people like them? Does Gordon believe that pop music usually only appeals to those five foot nine and under?

Even so, there are some things that mangiant hardmen will never embrace:
Jason, Howard and Mark do the obligatory break-dancing routines to keep the girls happy.

Girls, mark you. Obviously, men - however hard they might be - don't like breakdancing. That's a girlie thing. Obviously. Like pink tutus or friendship bracelets.
If Britney’s Circus went up against Take That’s version, she’d be packing her bags and looking for another job.

She'd pack her bags and run away from the circus?

Gordon does seem a little tough on Britney. He didn't warm to her show at the Millennium Dome earlier this week, and now he is using her as a stick to beat off over Take That. I wonder what she did to upset him?
VIP guests at BRITNEY SPEARS' O2 gig were left fuming, and parched, after the troubled star's dad banned alcohol in any area that she may pass through.

Instead of the usual glasses of chilled bubbly, Access All Areas ticket holders are being handed bottles of WATER behind the scenes in a bid to keep the troubled star away from booze while on tour.

Toni Jones might well have the answer.