We don't want to spoil the surprise, Scott, but...

Call me old-fashioned, but if you issue a photocall to promote a TV series, it can't really be very much of a surprise, can it?

Where: Main Entrance, BBC Radio 1, Yalding House, Clipstone Street, London W1
What: David Hasselhoff arrives at BBC Radio 1 studios with his two daughters, to surprise buddy - DJ Scott Mills
Time: 17.00 hrs

This is all to push the sequel to the series where Scott Mills went to live with David Hasselhoff - to be honest, I'd assumed that had just been made by accident last year, but it turns out it was commissioned.

This time round, Scott and David have to unite to save the world from a gang of criminal masterminds, intent on stealing the Buletter diamond - the gem which regulates gravity itself. Can they beat the gang and stop everything from floating into space - while disguised as chipmunks? Tune in to Living TV this... oh, hang on... wrong synopsis:

TV legend and pop culture icon, David Hasselhoff, is set to return to LIVING for an all-new six part series, which will air exclusively on the channel from September. Following the runaway success earlier this year of The Hoff: When Scott Came To Stay on LIVING (March ‘09),

"Runaway success" = somewhere between 'no sanctions imposed by Ofcom' and 'Pick of the day in Now! magazine.

the new series will continue the story

'Man makes television programme with other man' - can't wait to find out what happened next.

and follow the whirlwind life of the epic Knight Rider and Baywatch star.

Didn't know KITT was in Baywatch as well.

David will spend this summer in the UK and wider Europe along with his Hoff-spring, daughters Hayley and Taylor-Ann, and plans to immerse himself in British culture and embrace everything that makes our summer great.

Hoff-spring? Really?

What's with "wider Europe", exactly? What does that mean? Can't they find enough to keep him entertained in the UK? Have they had a cross-promotion deal with the manufacturers of Hovercraft?

Still, the idea of David experiencing a British summer - sitting in a traffic jam ten miles from Stonehenge, putting rubbish in a bin full of wasps, skeeting grey rain washing in across Robin Hood's Bay and trying to get the wrapper off a lemonade sparkle - might make for a good TV show. Well, not a good TV show but a fitting punishment for David Hasselhoff.

But that's not what they've got in mind:

We’ll join David on everything from country pursuits in stately homes, having a traditional cockney knees up and picnic-ing and kite flying on Hampstead Heath to playing polo, rowing with the Oxford Blues and inspiring lifeguards on the Devon coast. The Hoffmeister will be taking viewers on a tongue in cheek VIP journey through British summertime that’s anything but quintessential.

Hang about - is this embracing everything about the summer, or not? It can't be both the quintessential British summer and anything but the quintessential British summer, can it?

Hot on the heels of his hit appearance as a judge on America’s Got Talent, The Hoff has wasted no time nestling firmly back in the bosom of his British fan-base. Episode one will follow the chaos of his arrival in London as hurricane Hoff is reunited with Scott and taken on a sightseeing tour across the capital.

Hoff on an open-top bus, then.

Other series highlights will chronicle David as he’s joined by daughters Hayley and Taylor-Ann, who are pursuing a pop career,

Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!

as they take in the best of Britain and its stellar summer events line up. David will put paid to the theory that an Englishman’s home is his castle, as he holes himself up in a haunted castle and takes in a spot of clay pigeon shooting.

Is it even worth pointing out that an American staying in a haunted castle has very little of value in exploring the contention that the writ of British law stops once you are own your own property? And if he really wanted to test the theory, he might be better off talking to Tony Martin?

Fulfilling a lifetime dream, David will also be hiring a barge and cruising through the canals, locks and backwaters of the British countryside to Oxford, spending quality time with his girls.

What exactly is David's "lifetime dream" here? Has he really always wanted to go on a barge? Couldn't he have made a booking with Hoseasons?

Anyway, there you have it: The David's summer plans. All starting with trying to get Scott Mills to at least act surprised, dammit, this afternoon.